Legacies

Legacy, defined by Websters as a gift by will especially of money or other personal property or something transmitted by or received from an ancestor or predecessor or from the past.

Do we all leave legacies? Well yes, unless you are living in a cave or an island in the middle of the ocean and interact with no one. I’m sure there are those who are like that. Anything is possible. But for the most part, we all touch someone in some way. Even if it’s to open the door for a little old lady or give a smile to a sweet little youngster.

These thoughts change after one has a child. Then again, maybe not for everyone  but for me it did. What “legacy” do I want for my child? Or better yet, how do I want him to remember me.

Well,  I wished I could be more fun for him. More on top of things with him. For instance, I forgot to get him some thing from the “tooth fairy” for his very loose tooth and it came out…I had nothing to put under his pillow. I tried to make up excuses for the “tooth fairy” but she failed…and by she I mean, me. I failed. So now the “tooth fairy” is making up for it by getting him TWO toys of his choice at Target ON my lunch break. Thank the tooth fairy gods that his favorite toys are like $6 each…I can do $12 to make up for a lacking tooth fairy.

But will he remember things like that? Maybe…maybe not. But in the end, I will be to blame because that is how it works right? The mother is always to blame. I mean I blame mine but I have good reason. She made some really bad choices. Granted, not as bad as some mothers of this world…but bad just the same. I have made bad choices but I do my best. Did my mother do her best? In my gut I say yes, she did, but I think that is only because she didn’t have the capacity to go any further. The bar was not set high for her simply because of the mistakes of her parents. Well if you call dying a mistake. Her mother died while she was still a child. For that, I always have a small spot in my heart still sympathetic to my mother…a very small spot, but there all the same.

What do I prefer to leave my child? I want him to see that I can be fun and a child myself YET I will take him down if needed. Now violence aside, I mean, the discipline that is needed from time to time. The discipline I really hate doing simply because it’s painful all around. But after returning from my Target trip to get him his toys…I realize it will be worth it just to see him get excited.

What legacy will I leave? I will probably have to re-touch on the subject again in a few years but there are things I won’t leave. I won’t leave him a decent father as his own never wanted to be a part of us. I won’t leave him a boring life. As I remember my childhood filled with adventures and then drama which do have a thin line between each other.

I will leave my child a life that he will eventually have to learn to get a grasp on.

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