I actually have a blank mind today. I guess I could write about how pissed I was because my cat pooped in my closet..ON my shoes. But it was my fault. I guess I had inadvertently closed the door to my bed room , therefore locking him in and not allowing him his litter. What else was the poor animal gonna do. So I blame myself. But man does that stuff stink. But I love my S. (the cat).
I guess I should elaborate my short terms for things. The boy is my child, S. is my cat, E. is my sister and the woman is my mother. Or more like..the woman who bore me and then proceeded to make sure I succeed in nothing. But I’m trying to stray from harsh feelings about all that. I have no real friends so you will never hear of any of those. And I’m not exaggerating about that. I do not have a single friend. I have co-workers, a few online contacts but no friends. I am not married so I don’t have a spouse to talk with. I’m not in an adult relationship period. It’s just my child and I. I have mixed feelings about that. I mean, my stuff is mine, my money is mine, my bills are mine, but I have no one to share anything with. I got out my sister but it isn’t the same.
The man I thought I loved and married only to have him confessed he never loved me, ever…he was it for me. Then when I pushed out his kid, he preferred not to have anything to do with him either. So he ran faster than a cat with it’s tail on fire (again..the cat reference. Gotta respect the title!)
Not only do I not believe a word any man says..I doubt just about every person that walks the face of this earth. I don’t wish to give up on love…in fact, I don’t. I give up on people. But sometimes I don’t. Remember..I ramble..deal.
And somewhere up in that big blue sky, God laughs at my lonliness. And I’m just supposed to believe “it all happens for a reason” yeah ok…I guess the reason is that God laughs in the skies at me? I have no clue and don’t mean to blaspheme the Lord…it’s just a mystery.
So my office is letting us go at 1 today instead of 4. I still won’t make it to my son’s 12:30 awards ceremony. The joys of being single mother having to work..I pretty much feel like I’m missing out on everything that has to do with my son…fantastic….sarcasm.
I’m debating what to do over this long weekend. This is what I want to do. Tonight, eleTRONica to dance with the boy. Tomorrow, a trip to Mount Baldy to hike, Sunday and early morning trip to open Disneyland, Monday rest.
Will that happen? Probably not because sometimes my life is not my own.