Loneliness

I would like to take a step back and discuss loneliness.

I’m 36, as I think I’ve said before and 20 years ago I never would have imagined I would be as lonely in my current life as I am now. I mean, I know I have the boy and he’s great. But I have no friends.

And by NO friends I mean NOT ONE SINGLE friend. I mean, I have people online I talk to but they aren’t friends you call up and say “hey come over for dinner and lets play cards” or something like that.

I have ZERO friends.

It is sad really. And I’m kinda embarrassed to admit this. I don’t know of a single person who has not one friend. Now I did have friends in my past. One in particular, my best friend, the one who would have come over to play cards with me, died in 06 when we were 29 after her 10 year battle with cancer. (Screw that disease).

So the only friend that would have been that one true friend, which is what I was meant to have, died. Next in line was a husband who hated me, hence, was an a-hole to me, hence, the divorce was not far after the wedding. So I wasn’t going to have a husband/best friend there.

Then I became a mother and I just threw myself into being a mother kinda the way one can throw themselves into a bottle of bourbon. To forget.

I was trying to forget the fact that I had not one single friend.

9 years into motherhood and I still am stuck in the reality that I have not one single friend.

This makes me a sad panda and some days increases the depression.

However, on another note, I have noticed that because I’m a “plain jane” (I have trouble with makeup as it burns my eyes, same as contacts) I don’t attract anyone, but more specifically males as they are pretty much all about looks and rarely look past the cover.

*sigh* oh well

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3 thoughts on “Loneliness

  1. Where do you live? What state at least? Go onto a site called meetup.com and you will be shocked of all the different groups that you can become apart of with people that LIVE IN YOUR AREA.

    Girl….im rooting for you and know that you will be alright! I know what you mean about throwing yourself into the life of your kids….but it happens to the best of us… AT LEAST you are trying to find your way out of it and discover the you that you almost left behind! Matter of fact…..im about to write a blog about this…..

    Love ya

    • Its not as easy as all that. Due to my past I have greatly reduced trust in ANY other human, especially men. I wished it wasn’t that way, very much so but pretty much every person I’ve had cross paths with me, in my life, have disappointed or hurt me tremendously in some way. I lack trust in people. Therefore meeting random strangers, is not my thing. Catch 22 I know.

      • all of the groups are not just random strangers……
        i am sure that it may be some people that you may know as well….. what about other moms at your son’s school? pta meetings etc?

        just trying to help that is all…..im sorry if i am being too forward…..

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