I would like to take a step back and discuss loneliness.
I’m 36, as I think I’ve said before and 20 years ago I never would have imagined I would be as lonely in my current life as I am now. I mean, I know I have the boy and he’s great. But I have no friends.
And by NO friends I mean NOT ONE SINGLE friend. I mean, I have people online I talk to but they aren’t friends you call up and say “hey come over for dinner and lets play cards” or something like that.
I have ZERO friends.
It is sad really. And I’m kinda embarrassed to admit this. I don’t know of a single person who has not one friend. Now I did have friends in my past. One in particular, my best friend, the one who would have come over to play cards with me, died in 06 when we were 29 after her 10 year battle with cancer. (Screw that disease).
So the only friend that would have been that one true friend, which is what I was meant to have, died. Next in line was a husband who hated me, hence, was an a-hole to me, hence, the divorce was not far after the wedding. So I wasn’t going to have a husband/best friend there.
Then I became a mother and I just threw myself into being a mother kinda the way one can throw themselves into a bottle of bourbon. To forget.
I was trying to forget the fact that I had not one single friend.
9 years into motherhood and I still am stuck in the reality that I have not one single friend.
This makes me a sad panda and some days increases the depression.
However, on another note, I have noticed that because I’m a “plain jane” (I have trouble with makeup as it burns my eyes, same as contacts) I don’t attract anyone, but more specifically males as they are pretty much all about looks and rarely look past the cover.
*sigh* oh well