I think enough…is enough.

I’ve been contemplating things again.

Many moons ago, I wrote a bit on how I randomly got on my sister’s scale and the number that jumped out at me was horrifying. 12231429_l_1363783984

I’m sure since then, that number has risen. I’m tired of being tired. If that makes any sense. I used to bounce around and not need a tank of oxygen after one small flight of stairs.

Speaking of stairs, after writing about how hauling grocery bags up one flight of stairs and feeling like my heart was going to jump out of my chest and about the 36 years I’ve lived mostly fat, I believe that its time for another attempt at trying to get rid of some of this weight. The process of actually typing out my weight history and thoughts and then seeing it on the screen in black and white, made me think.

Oh I still think that humans are visual. But at this point I don’t care. I’m not trying to snag a new husband with my soon to be skinny butt (crossing fingers). I’m trying to be able to walk up a flight of stairs with out needing an ambulance or walk around my favorite amusement park without my feet feeling like they are going to fall off.  The last example, I know is because I’m fat because about 60 lbs ago, I used to be able to walk Disneyland from 9am until 9pm and barely feel any pain.

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My sister has been on a weight loss kick. She has cut out carbs (I’m starting to believe the Devil invented carbs) and does her elliptical every day.

For me, its takes a bit more than that. I’ve already mentioned my success on Jenny Craig but the cost of it is a bit much. I am on the lifetime plan with Jenny so I don’t have to pay the start up fee but I do have to pay for the weekly food, which can average about $100 a week. Uh, nope. Also, its all Jenny frozen foods. Therefore, once off the Jenny foods, weight climbs back on like a monkey up a tree!

I’ve decided to go another way. I need to cut out two things:

1) Fast food – fuck that Devil crap

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2) Carbs – the bad kind because really I don’t need that extra piece of dinner roll.  Thanks Mr. Mackey.

I also think I’ll up the proteins like lean chicken and very lean beef. I wish I liked fish but I can’t stand it. That is to bad because I know that is a good protein to. I just can’t do fish.

I will also be seeing a medical nutritionist recommended by my doctor. I have an appointment set for next week.

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Something else happened other than wheezing up one flight of stairs and my feet hurting after walking around Disneyland for only an hour.

The other day, I had this conversation with The Boy:

Me (after realizing I can’t walk all day at Disneyland like I could 8 years and 60 lbs ago): *kinda under my breath* “I just can’t do this anymore….I need to lose weight”

The Boy: “It’s ok Mommy. There is always someone fatter than you. You still don’t look bad”

Him saying that left me with a sick “blegh” feeling inside me. I don’t want him to think about others as “fatter than me”. He shouldn’t be thinking about “fat” at all.  And I certainly didn’t want him to see me as fat but worse, I certainly didn’t want him to feel pressured into defending me to any future meanies who could possibly make fun of his fat mama.

Just tons of …….

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I couldn’t live with myself if I didn’t at least give this another shot. Even if it would be the 100th time in my life I try to lose weight again.

But its worth a try.

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12 thoughts on “I think enough…is enough.

  1. Sugar is my poison. I’m come to realize I’m addicted to it. Mostly via pop, which I seem to have trouble quitting. I had a reality check this past summer, when I was travelling (from Vancouver, Canada) to Paris via Toronto. The plane arrived quite late at the Toronto airport, as in I had less than 20 mins to get from one end of the airport to another, very far away end. It was like doing a 10K sprint. I made my flight, but as I sat in my seat, fastening my seatbelt I had this sharp pain in my chest, radiating down my arm and my hand tingled. The classic signs of cardiac insufficiency. Yikes. I did some deep breathing and was okay. But, wow, if that wasn’t a message to get fit, then I don’t know what is!

    So, yeah, it’s time to treat my body with kindness and make it as healthy as I can.

  2. Good luck! I have some tips/recipes on my blog that you might find helpful. The most important tip I can give you is cut out processed food. This is a huge undertaking, but it is critical for living a truly healthier lifestyle. Carbs are not bad if they are in the form of brown rice or homemade wheat bread!

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