“I have a difficult daughter and I have an easy daughter”

My mother once told me that she related her daughters as having a “difficult” daughter and having an “easy” daughter.

Apparently, the difficult daughter is labeled such only because she is different. That, would be me.

I only have one sibling. My sister is 6 years younger than me. She is smart, independent and says it like it is (saying she is “blunt” is putting it lightly).

Note: Technically, I also have an older half sister and older half brother but they were from my father’s previous marriage and even though I am in contact with my older sister occasionally, I did not live with her nor really share a life with her.  My older brother, none of us talk to at all, but that is a different story.

I have always felt that God played a little joke on me and made me the older sister, by age only. In essence, I have always felt that my younger sister should have been the older one and I, the younger. Our roles were always reversed compared to what the norm of what older and younger siblings are usually like. I was what you would call the “black sheep”, always arguing with my parents, always making the wrong choices. My sister, did everything to please them, did everything right. She went to the Christian high school while I chose to go to a public. She obliged them (and when I say “them” I mostly mean our mother) while I made it a point to buck heads and have a totally different opinion on everything.  I actually believe I’m more like my father, very easy going, plain and simple.

The Shabby Chic Look (Photo from erasofelegance.com)

My sister is the one who bought the two story condominium at the age of 28 while I went on to marry the wrong man, had a child, went through a divorce, became a single parent and now live in a small, 755 square foot, 2 bedroom apartment that I pay WAY to much for.

Even the way that my sister’s house is decorated is the same taste as our mother’s. It is what you would call Shabby Chic where the colors are very bright, pink, frilly and fluffy (it makes my teeth hurt just describing it).

Even the walls in this photo are to light for me, but this is close enough. (Photo from hermonacasa.com)

I prefer the darker contemporary look, where the furniture is either a dark brown or black. Cabinets in the kitchen must be dark, not white or oak, with stainless steel appliances. I like dark frames on the wall art and walls a darker color like maybe a dark red or brown. If I went lighter in color, it would not be pink or beige.  It would be grey (something my mother has winced over hearing).

My apartment and my sisters’ house are two polar opposites of the interior decorating spectrum.

Another aspect of difference is along the lines of baking and cooking. I don’t like doing either. I just am not that good at it and I don’t have the patience for cooking and especially baking and/or decorating baked good, such as cakes. My mother was a cake decorator when she was younger. She made the most amazing cakes for her time, which was in the late 70’s and early 80’s. She never did it professionally nor did she ever open up her own business. She just did the cakes for friends and family.

My sister, of course, inherited that talent from her. My sister makes the most amazing cupcakes. She patiently molds fondant and pipes icing onto cupcakes and cakes with such ease.  That is just something I could never grasp. I have tried to sit and ice a cupcake with her a few times but my “flowers” come out so pathetic I just feel ashamed.

Below are the actual photos of the creations that they have made. They decorated these on their own, in their own kitchens.

I did once try to create something and try my luck with fondant but it just turned out to be a sad shove into reality that cake decorating was just not my thing.

I went for something Halloween themed. This was supposed to be a graveyard with the fence. It got some laughs :)

I went for something Halloween themed. This was supposed to be a graveyard with the fence. It got some laughs 🙂

In all honesty, I do admire this talent they have.

I think that because my mother and sister are so similar in personality may be why my mother never knows what I like. She is not familiar with it. That labels me, in her mind, as difficult. I’m sure it’s much easier for her to relate to the one daughter who she understands and has similarities to.  Although, I have never agreed with the theory that just because someone is different automatically makes them difficult.

I’m reminded of a quote from A League of Their Own. This is the scene where the younger sister, Kit, is pointing out to her older sister, Dottie, that their parents favor Dottie over Kit.

Kit Keller: You ever hear Dad introduce us to people? “This is our daughter Dottie, and this is our other daughter, Dottie’s sister.” Should’ve just had you and bought a dog!

That is the phrase that runs through my thoughts about this subject. My parents should have had my sister and just bought her a dog.  Or maybe our personalities would have been suited better if we were able to just switch sibling rolls. I believe my sister would have been able to handle my mother better if she had been the first to be born and start the relationship off with issues. My sister can talk to both our parents better than I can. I tend to always approach them ready for a fight, because that is how it has always been with us, especially with our mother. I don’t understand my mother sometimes and I will admit to sometimes not having the energy or the patience to deal with her. Just like with the patience she puts into her cake creations, my sister has the patience to tolerate a little more drama. I just have a short patience fuse when it comes to dramatics.

In our younger years, my sister and I didn’t agree a lot and had a few falling outs. But as of lately, it’s been nice to go over to her house and just talk.  I know that she understands my aversion to keeping a solid relationship with our mother and I understand why she is capable of keeping that solid relationship with her.  A lot of her views I don’t necessarily agree with but I’m sure she feels the same about me.

The irony of our labels as the Difficult or Easy Daughter lies within the fact that one of us is a recovering alcoholic, sex addict, drug addict, compulsive over eater and self mutilator.

I can tell you with all certainty, it is NOT the Difficult Daughter.


8 thoughts on ““I have a difficult daughter and I have an easy daughter”

    • I believe that God gives us what we can handle…..I would NOT be able to handle 9 siblings…ever. Especially if any of them were female and/or had the drama genetics that my mother has. Nope…

  1. I sort of label my youngest as my “difficult” child, when in all reality, he’s probably just a normal two year old and the other two, older kids were just really really laid back and easy. My wife gets on me for razzing him since, and she’s right, he understands when I call him a pain in the ass, etc.

    • But that is different. Of course, you are speaking of your children as kids. I wonder who you will label as difficult when they are adult.

      But it’s different also because you are saying one is a bit more active the way 2 year olds can be. I am labeled difficult by my mother simply because I do not share the same thoughts and ideas as her. It’s human nature really. We tend to flock with things and people who have the same ideas as ourselves.

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