I found out about my childhood friend dying last night, around 10:00 p.m.
I’ve had some time to think, to message and get a response from her sister on what the heck happened.
She did have Stage IV Breast Cancer and had been fighting it for 3 years. Apparently, no one really knew and I believe that was by her request. I totally respect and understand that. She also will not be having a funeral service, also by her request. That last one kinda bothers me but I’m trying to find out at least where I can visit her gravesite.
I will admit to wanting to cry, a lot, here at my desk at work. I probably should have just stayed home but I am one to put on a happy face, when inside, I’m screaming in pain.
I know sometimes, I just want to shake my fists at God asking “WHY?”.
Why would two of my friends, who were fairly healthy people, non-smokers, non-drinkers, one a devoted wife and mother, the other a kind soul, be taken so young…yet….
My ex husband who a) abandons his son b) drinks and smokes heavily c) gets into bar fights and d) is just an over all mean and heartless soul amongst who knows what other bad habits he’s contracted…….gets a clean bill of health every year and will more than likely live until he is an old man.
There are other people I’ve known who have done horrible things and live into their 90’s.
That kind of “logic” will never make sense to me, ever. No matter how many minister’s or Christians explain it to me. Is it the Achilles’ Heel of my faith? It sure is. It just simply is not fair.
I would like to think it could possibly be a type of torture. These people have to live with how they are and/or what they have done. So life, for them, is a jail sentence into their souls.
My friends, were just to damn good for this World and needed to move up higher than anyone.
Maybe….maybe I’m just sick of all this death happening around me lately. It’s bumming me out.