I have had the night to think on this…

I found out about my childhood friend dying last night, around 10:00 p.m.

I’ve had some time to think, to message and get a response from her sister on what the heck happened. 

She did have Stage IV Breast Cancer and had been fighting it for 3 years.  Apparently, no one really knew and I believe that was by her request.  I totally respect and understand that.  She also will not be having a funeral service, also by her request.  That last one kinda bothers me but I’m trying to find out at least where I can visit her gravesite.

I will admit to wanting to cry, a lot, here at my desk at work.  I probably should have just stayed home but I am one to put on a happy face, when inside, I’m screaming in pain.

I know sometimes, I just want to shake my fists at God asking “WHY?”.

Why would two of my friends, who were fairly healthy people, non-smokers, non-drinkers, one a devoted wife and mother, the other a kind soul, be taken so young…yet….

My ex husband who a) abandons his son b) drinks and smokes heavily c) gets into bar fights and d) is just an over all mean and heartless soul amongst who knows what other bad habits he’s contracted…….gets a clean bill of health every year and will more than likely live until he is an old man.

There are other people I’ve known who have done horrible things and live into their 90’s. 

That kind of “logic” will never make sense to me, ever.  No matter how many minister’s or Christians explain it to me.  Is it the Achilles’ Heel of my faith?  It sure is.  It just simply is not fair.

I would like to think it could possibly be a type of torture.  These people have to live with how they are and/or what they have done.  So life, for them, is a jail sentence into their souls.

My friends, were just to damn good for this World and needed to move up higher than anyone.

Maybe….maybe I’m just sick of all this death happening around me lately.  It’s bumming me out.


6 thoughts on “I have had the night to think on this…

  1. “Perhaps God is a poet
    Who writes with words of flesh and bone and leaf and flower,
    Every hour of every day words pour out of the poet’s heart.
    And every word is beautiful and true and worth telling.
    And when each poem is perfect
    And there is no more which ought to be said,
    The poet gently takes the words back into his heart
    Where they are safe forever…
    And then begins again.”


    This poem always enters my mind whenever someone suffers such a terrible loss. I pray it might offer you even smallest comfort just now. Please know I am here for you, should you need an ear or a shoulder – contact me anytime. Deepest condolences.

    {{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}}}}}}}} XOXOX

    • Thank you dear. I am much better as the day went on. I’ve been able to correspond with her sister and got an address to send condolences (cards and flowers). She said her husband is having a rough time and that makes me so sad. But she said he has friends and family around.

      I just got back from my exhilarating walk and I am much better with my thoughts. I know deep down inside, God isn’t playing some game. This is what happens. I just get sad for it all.

  2. Pingback: The days go on and the idiots are still around | Is the Coffee ready yet?!

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