Dreams, “poppin’ tags” and being THIN

“Hey, can we go Thrift Shopping?”

Being that I am kid free tonight, after much deliberation, I decided that I am going to go pop some tags tonight. goodwill_logo2Yes, folks, I am going thrift shopping.  Or at least go to the Good Will for some “new” jeans and whatever else I see.  I’m losing weight so I really do not want to spend money on name brand jeans from a store because I might not fit into them in a few months.  I actually do most of my shopping at the Good Will anyway.  I’ve never been much of a shopper and can’t stand spending money on clothes or shoes or foo foo accessories.  So Good Will prices work for me.  And sometimes, if I dig hard enough, I can find items that still have the original tags on them, meaning never worn! 

That’s what I’ll be doing after work.

If I get shot in a dream but don’t bleed or die, does that mean I’m Super Girl?

The past two nights, I’ve been having a disturbing dream.  I dream I am getting shot in the face by some guy I don’t know.  Yet, the bullets never affect me nor hurt me.  This random guy shoots many bullets at me but I don’t feel them at all.  I just hear them go “POP!” and see him pointing the gun at me and can see the shots going off but never feel them

What the heck!  I always wake up very shaken up and afraid.  It’s always in the middle of the night when I wake up from these dreams and my cat, the past few nights has also taken to meowing VERY loud at me while I sleep in my bed at 2 a.m.  I think it’s time for another cat shaming.  So I haven’t been to good on getting a restful sleep lately.  I just hope the dreams stop.

THIN

Now that I have HBO Go on my computer, I have access to some great HBO Documentaries.  I’ve seen a few on the holocaust, and movie stars.  But last night, I saw a new addition to the list called THIN.

PROANA4

It was VERY hard to get through.  This documentary followed several women while they were at the Renfrew Center .   Being someone who has struggled with weight and over eating, it is very understandable to me to see where the mind frame of some of these women come from.  I have never been anorexic, that is not my thing, but over eating sure was.  However, I have also never tried purging as vomiting is a horrible aversion for me and I don’t even like doing it when I was sick or drunk.

These women really think that they are fat or they will find every single fault they can with their bodies.

imagesCAIF2XKEIn the picture to the left, the patient was asked to draw and outline of what they feel their body looks like.  Then, they would be asked to stand against the drawing they did and the counselor would draw the actual outline of their body.  The photo above was the result and as you can see, the black outline is what she thinks of herself and the red outline is what she really is.  However, when asked “how do you feel about what you are seeing?” the first thing the patient did was say “I see faults” and she proceeded to write on the drawing everything that was wrong with the smaller version of her.  It was incredible and so sad.

None of the women in this place maxed out weight anywhere over 110lbs, if that much.  I would say most of them were at about 90lbs.  It was very interesting to see how others perceive themselves, how their pasts and words said by other from their past create this disease and misconception of themselves. 

When it ended, they did a follow up blurb on each of the main patients that were in it.  Basically, they all had been released from the Center, however, they all went back to restricting food and/or purging when eating.  One main character even committed suicide a few years later.

It kind of centers one back down to earth when we see how hard these people struggle and how much others’ words can effect anyone.

*EDIT: Well what do you know. Just got a text from my sister who was supposed to pick up my son later today saying she has a doctor appointment and might not be able to pick him up after all.

I am not surprised in the least.  This is typical of my family and why I get no kid free nights.

What gets my goat is that she says “sure I’ll pick him up” then oh never mind forgot I had a doctor appointment.  Why offer if you had something else to do?  And saying you forgot just doesn’t cut it with me.  Think before you fucking speak.

Damnit…I’m so pissed off.  No poppin tags for me!

Fuck

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6 thoughts on “Dreams, “poppin’ tags” and being THIN

  1. Take your kid goodwillin’! I used to go with my parents (and when older my brother and friends) all the time. Digging through other people’s old stuff can be an awesome bonding experience . . . man, looking back on it I realize there are a lot of reasons both my brother and I ended up studying anthropology, lol!

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