The power of the mind, can be a powerful thing

Yes, yes it can.

On Friday morning, I woke up with either a bladder infection or a Urinary Tract Infection.  Either way, it hurt to pee and it smelled awful..… well, anyway…..

I drowned myself in water all day on Friday, meaning I think I drank about 2-3 gallons of it, hoping to wash out whatever infection was starting.  I didn’t have any money to buy cranberry juice so I left it up to the Water Gods to heal me.  I have actually had bad experiences with bladder and UTI’s in the past.  Although, not very frequently, but when I get bladder or Kidney problems, they can land me in the hospital.  The first time I had one, many years ago, it moved up to my kidney and I ended up over night in the hospital with a bad Kidney infection that had me with a high fever and vomiting.  The second time, I had a bladder infection that was so bad the infection moved into my blood stream causing me to be in the hospital 2 nights and hooked up to an antibiotic I.V. with fever and severe pain.

So, as you can assume, I was pretty scared to wake up Friday with that all to familiar “cloudy” urine and pain.  Friday was ok but the pain was still there.  Saturday morning, I woke up to pain again.  I spent most of Saturday laying low but in pain.

It wasn’t until Sunday that I realized the pain was scooting on up my back, into the oh so familiar area of my right kidney….

Fuck…

So, I spent Sunday lying down, just “willing” the pain away.  I drank another 3-4 gallons of water but I think that may have made the pain worse considering that drinking makes the kidneys work to process the liquid.  But water is my nectar.  On a regular basis, I drink at least 4-5 16oz bottles of waters (as pictured).  waterIf I don’t drink that much daily, I get severely dehydrated and shaky.  (and no, I’m not diabetic so don’t suggest that)

It’s weird, I know, but this practice may stem from the fact that another time, earlier in my life, I was put into the hospital with severe dehydration.  And yes, this is a separate time from the two other hospital visits I mention above (did I mention I’ve had 4 surgeries, 3 minor and 1 major/almost dying) How am I still alive?  Anyway, since then, water is like mother’s milk to me and I must drink it or die (drama for effect).

ImageGenAlso, all those plastic bottles get bagged up and given to my sister, who takes them to her local Ralph’s and turns them in for credit towards her groceries.

Yeah, I’m a nice sister like that.

Anyway, at 9pm last night, I’m sitting in my bed, watching True Blood with my 3 bottles of water around me, watching the show and ignoring the pain.  I went to sleep for the night, again, telling myself the pain would be gone in the morning and even through drinking all that water over the past 3 days should have drowned me and caused the pain to be worse, it was what this kidney needed.

It appears, I was right.  I woke up this morning, pain free in my kidney area of my back and during my bathroom visit.  I was actually surprised, because I thought for sure I would be calling my sister sometime in the night, last night, to tell her to come get me to take me to the ER or stay with my kid while I drive myself to the ER.  It was that or call an ambulance so the medical professionals can watch my kid while I lay in agony in the ER.

Ah, the trials of a single mother who can’t even take a medical emergency break.  In all honesty, when I feel pain, whether it’s as bad as this or not, I tend to ignore it.  I have no back up, no husband to take care of me and if I do need to seek medical attention, who will watch my kid?  So, I have to continue to function as if I’m not in agony.  Also, I figure I have to ignore it because I really don’t have the leeway to be sick at all.  I have to go to work and earn money or I lose my apartment and my kid doesn’t get fed.  And being that my kid gets bored and cabin fever when I’m tight on money and have to spend weekends inside or if I just need to lie down and rest, I have to suck up my pain, put on a smiley face and still take him for that walk or out to the pool, even though I want to just lay in fetal position on my bed crying that God finally take me so that this pain, mentally and physically, can just go away.

This was one of the main reasons why I chose to finally lose the excess weight.  I’m sure losing 80 lbs would help my regular aches and pains and for the most part they have.  But I guess there are some things that have nothing to do with weight.

But God never does finally take me.  Apparently, He wants me to continue to live in this lonely life where I’m just a robot, going about my routine just long enough to get The Boy raised and molded into a decent human being so I can set him free into this world.  Then, maybe I can finally be taken out of my misery.

Regardless, I feel better today and will continue to down water until I feel I’m totally out of the woods.  It’s a good thing to because I do have a very busy week ahead of me with lots planned.

I just don’t have time for kidney failure.

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3 thoughts on “The power of the mind, can be a powerful thing

    • The downfall with being obsessed with water is that I am very picky about flavors of it. And yes, different water tastes different. I don’t like the taste of Brita filter’s or any of those types of filtered waters. I actually prefer Sam’s, Ralphs or Trader Joe’s bottled water, which are pretty cheap, on average $2.99 for 24pk, Or Dasani or Sparklett’s. My work has Sparklett’s, thank God.

  1. I’m a Brita girl. Mainly because our water is so chalky you could write with it!
    We used to stick it in the soda stream until we had a bit of an explosion ‘incident’. So still it is!

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