I can’t even get a date with a 400 lb guy from match.com. Let me explain a bit what I mean by this.
I have just been getting the feeling that maybe it isn’t the weight that was keeping me “unattractive”. What the weight was doing was forcing me into an early grave. I was looking at a future with diabetes (runs in the family), and I could barely breath or move quickly.
When I start to think about this I think of the phrase that goes something like this “weight can be lost but you can’t lose ugly.”
Apparently, that is the tagline to my life.
Referring back to the date with the 400 lb guy. I will admit, I was desperate for some human interaction that wasn’t with my kid or my family. So I contacted a guy I had met on match.com about 2 years ago. When I met him then, there really wasn’t any connection at all but I let it continue and we have been interacting every once in a while over the past two years so it wasn’t really out of the blue that I contacted him. I just asked if he wanted to go get a drink or something. He agreed, only to text me the day before that he had to cancel, reason unknown.
There is a father that I’ve seen every day when I drop off The Boy at school in the morning. He drops off his daughter, who is also in The Boy’s class, and his son. We sign the in/out sheet at the same time just about every morning. He’s dressed in business office attire so I’m making the assumption he works in an office type environment. I have seen no ring on his finger as just yesterday morning, I was able to get a good look because we both reached for the same pen to sign the in/out sheet (he has some amazing smooth white hands to, I’m a sucker for soft hands). I’ve also never seen the kids dropped off by a mother/woman. On the flip side, I know men don’t wear wedding rings much anymore and the mother could work early mornings.
Still, this man I find SUPER and secretly, attractive.
The reason I mention this man I run into every morning at The Boy’s school is because it made me think. If I can’t even get a 400 lb short ugly guy who has a part time fast food job and lives with his grandmother (Man A), to go out with me, what makes me think that this man who is good looking and obviously has a job at an office (Man B), or any others in his category, would give me the time of day?
I thought that my body and the fat was the problem but as of lately, that isn’t the problem anymore because I have shaped up rather nicely. I think it’s my Plain Jane looks. I have been thinking of trying out different things. I spend a lot of money on the natural beer based shampoo that does wonders for my hair, along with the conditioner. I’m making an appointment with the eye doctor in hopes that I can get my eyes used to contacts again (although I’m not hopeful since they itch every time I use them) because I think wearing glasses takes away from my face. I’m even going to get eye lash extensions because I actually can’t wear makeup (eyeliner, mascara, etc.) which I am also allergic to. Well, either allergic or it just irritates my eyes so that they water incessantly and I can’t keep the makeup from running all over.
This all just seems like so much work and money. I have never been one to put a lot of work and money into things like eyelash extensions, hair straighten and the like. I just wished that I could just drop this weight and be done, but apparently there is more to it.
Now don’t get me wrong. It’s not like I don’t have the proper hygiene regimen. I really just don’t like the “foo-foo” aspects of being a women. I don’t have a closet full of high heels and short skirts nor do I shop at Sephora.
I’m just a Plain Jane and apparently Plain Jane’s don’t get Man B and from how things are going with me, not even Man A (refer above).
It could also be my personality. I really don’t take much B.S. and sometimes say it like it is but not in a disrespectful way. Let me create this analogy:
I’m like that mean barking snarling dog that is lying in the middle of a ditch with their leg broken and is being approached by a human. The dog is in pain and seeing this strange human coming towards them. The dog is going to bark and snap because the dog doesn’t know that the human is trying to save her.
The human gets a hold of the dog, but not after the dog might have snapped at him, maybe even drew blood. The human calms the dog with treats, toys, soft scratching behind the ears. The dog is now calm and the human can attend to the dogs wounds.
The dog heals and is the humans’ most loyal, loving and attached companion, fighting only for the human who never leaves their side. In return, the human showers love and affection on the dog. Forever and ever and EVER!
That is me in a nutshell.
Or maybe that is my fairy tale?
Regardless, it could very well be that many men just simply do not want to get past the first stage of this analogy, the snapping dog.
This is all so sad because I know I have so much to give and I’m dying inside.