I swear, in all my years, I thought I could never get over the fact that I could eat a whole chocolate cake by myself. It was like there was nothing better than the taste of food and sweets.
I have found what is better. This feeling, is far better than any chocolate. This feeling is far better than any cheeseburger. By “this” I mean my Mojo.
I had mentioned before about the single father of a girl in The Boy’s class. We drop the kids off at the same time just about every morning and sometimes we pick them up at the same time in the afternoon.
Since school started in the 1st week in August, we have just been parental ships passing by each other just about every day. I noticed no ring on his finger and never saw a woman dropping the kids off. His daughter is in The Boy’s class and I found out from him that she has no mother living with them and lives only with her dad and younger brother.
Doesn’t THAT sound very familiar? It was then, I started giving him a “Good Morning” along with some smiles. It was also then that I stopped putting my hair in a “librarian” bun on the top of my head every day and makeup, started appearing on my face. All the while, I’m dropping more and more weight, yet gaining more and more Mojo.
(As a side note, I would like to remind all that I have not dated (seriously) nor been in a relationship since my divorce 9 years ago. So in essence, I don’t know what the hell I’m doing.)
Moving on, yesterday, I found us at the sign in book, together. He was waiting for me to sign The Boy out. He hands me a pen and I say “thanks” (almost inaudibly) and never really make eye contact. It was then I realized that my shyness could seriously come off as snobbery which is FAR from what I am like at all. I’m just shyer than Piglet in his own movie!
This must change.
Last night, I told myself that if he happens to be there when I drop off The Boy the next morning, I would make a point to say hello, make eye contact and introduce myself as The Boy’s mother and confirm he is the father of the girl in The Boy’s class. I would also take it as a sign from God if he happens to be there as sometimes, our paths do not cross on certain mornings.
Thusly, this morning, I got dressed and left at the normal time, got to school to drop The Boy off and noticed as I was pulling into the parking lot, there it was…his white mini van (yes, he drives a mini van). He is no where to be seen however. I pull up and park right next to it.
I get out and look up, there he comes. Timing couldn’t have been MORE perfect. We literally cross paths as I’m getting out of my car and he is getting into his. I do as I promised myself. I say hello, say that his daughter is in my son’s class. He asks something of The Boy that I didn’t really hear because I had the sun shining in my eyes and I was trying to commit to making eye contact but avoid the sun burning my eyes out of their sockets. Now that I think of it, I don’t even think The Boy heard because he never answered him. Anyway, I smiled, then told him I felt I should at least introduce myself since we’ve been crossing paths just about every day since early August and our children are in the same class. I gave him my name, he gave me his (with a smile) and we parted as I told him to have a great day.
The best part of this interaction was that he was not rushed to leave my presence. He was making eye contact and talking and he even interacted with The Boy (a HUGE plus). If he hadn’t been rushed to get to work, it could have turned into a full fledged conversation, I believe.
Overall, it was a very positive interaction and I’m hoping it opened the gates for more interactions in the future, whether it be small talk in the morning because we are needing to get to work or a bit lengthy on a Friday afternoon when there really isn’t anywhere to get to.
Regardless of whatever outcome happens, the whole thing broke down a few walls that I’ve built around myself. That is for sure.
However, I know that this will probably lead no where and I wouldn’t be surprised nor disappointed if it didn’t but, it is still good to know that after many years of wallowing in my fat and psychological defeat, I can win my confidence back. In the very least, this situation has shown me that.
I will continue with the smiles and small talk every day with him as much as I can. I will continue to run my heart out on the treadmill and lose another 45 pounds. I will continue to put makeup on daily and putting the great smelling Jasmine leave in conditioner in my hair which makes it look like silk in the wind.
Who knows what the future holds? But what I do know is that no chocolate cake or cheeseburger EVER tasted as good as the smile on my face driving to work this morning felt. Regardless of the outcome, that feeling was WINNING!
Also, should I wonder that his name just happens to be one of my favorite names of all time? I won’t put it here but it starts with a B.
Hmmm..maybe that little “finger” I gave to God, woke Him up?