Good LORD this week should be labeled Bipolar Week. My emotions are just ALL over the place.
Tuesday, was the parent/teacher conference where I was told my kid was basically failing everything and couldn’t focus. I left the conference in tears. I walked to the car and bawled. I then had to compose myself and go to work.
I found out yesterday, from my older sister who has 2 kids, another parent from The Boy’s class and my co-worker that all their kids, did or are going through the same thing. I guess kids just have no self control and no focus (naw…ya think?). I shouldn’t be surprised really but still, that little red-eyed Monster creeps up behind me whispering the devilish words like “you are failing your child” and “you are a big failure at EVERYTHING you do…”. I hate that Monster.
Tuesday night brought about a yelling match with my oh so stubborn 9 year old. Ok, now, I KNOW he gets the stubbornness and the need to argue with everything from me but I really don’t believe, at his age, I was as outright mouthy as he is. It’s not disrespect, as far as the content of what comes out of his mouth. He just HAS to have the last word. He just HAS to argue everything.
Sometimes I want to run out of the apartment, screaming…..
But I can’t and I have to sit there, stare at him and resist the urge to beat him senseless. Of course, I would never beat him….ever. But Lord Almighty God in Heaven…that boy really wants to see if I would be tempted to.
Yesterday was a bit better. We went to the family night book fair and he enjoys buying new books and I love seeing him read them. He got an Adventure Time comic book and something about a dinosaur. I was looking at all the girly stuff, sometimes wishing I had a girl to be all girly with…but then get snapped back into reality when I realize I probably couldn’t handle the dramatics of a girl, but still miss having a girl around.
The Boy can give me some super Academy Award winning dramatics so I can only IMAGINE what a girl child of mine would give me! Makes me shudder. I know I suppress my Drama Queen genetics just as much as I suppress and fight my obesity genetics. I most certainly got my fair share from the shallow end of the gene pool. So The Boy…he is all me. Honestly, I would rather The Boy have MY drama genetics than his father’s asshole genetics.
Anyway, his bearded dragon has been put on hold, indefinitely. He moaned and groaned about that and I was torn to shreds seeing him hurt and crying (I really need to literally grow a pair of man balls to deal with this kid sometimes) but it had to be put on hold. I could not fathom rewarding failing grades and disruptive behavior in class with a new pet. I try not to be a pushover, and for the most part, I’m not, but to see him crying breaks my heart and then I find myself all up in tears and needing to just lie on my bed, in fetal position, crying buckets.
Oh and I yelled a lot. He knows that when I reach the point of yelling…my patience is at it’s end and he should go run for the hills. Although I don’t know why. I still will never lay a hand on him.
So Dear Lord, I’m so done being a single mother now. Can I please hand the reigns over to a man to help me with this boy of mine. You didn’t give me a penis nor testosterone so can you send some of that over my way (in the form of a human, of course).
K Thanks bye!