It’s been a long time…with a lot going on.
On the weight front, I have not returned to the clinic nor am I taking the appetite suppressants at the present. It has been tough to not eat anything and everything all the time. I haven’t gained anything as I’m still exercising 4-5 times a week including weight lifting (my arms are getting muscles and the bat wings are disappearing) but I can see it creeping back over time if I don’t watch what I’m putting into my mouth. I’ve consumed more chocolate and Almond Roca than I care to admit. I will be returning to the clinic this Friday to sign up for another 10 weeks as I still need to get down another 40 pounds. I need to get started on the medications again and get my vitamin shots. But I am at a total of 60 pounds lost. I am really going to have to get in the proper disciplined mind set for the upcoming food frenzied holidays.
Family drama is at its best, as usual. What I have come to find is that if outside elements such as certain horrible skeletons in the closet and the sister’s of my mother, would not stick their claws into my mother’s, my sister’s and my life, we would actually be fine. I’m just plain sick of it all. However, my mother and I still disagree on a lot and we have nasty blow outs (this last Saturday being one which ended in her mocking my lonely depression pain by playing a “violin” and saying “whoa is me” and me tell her “fuck you”….yeah…it was ugly) BUT we always return to each other and unspoken apologies are…well…unspoken and I’ll accept an unspoken apology as opposed to no apology.
My cat is doing MUCH better. He is my little Fuzzy Face and I love him SOOO much that it weirds me out how much I do! He’s a brat though. I got my Xmas tree up this past weekend and he was all over it playing with the ornaments but so far, nothing broken and he has since lost interest.
Speaking of getting my Xmas decorations, they are up. I mean, sheesh, a local station is already playing Xmas music as I type this so what is wrong with getting my decorations up even before Thanksgiving. I needed the holiday cheering up anyway and Xmas lights and Xmas songs will cheer me up every time.
I am still as lonely as ever. I have, once again, come to the conclusions that I will never find a man to love me because of the horrific combination that I don’t trust men and that most are liars and cheats. I know that sounds so cliché but I call it like I see it. However, I’m taking the steps to get out of the overall lonely mode in general. I’ve made friends with the parents of The Boy’s best bud in school. I took both boys to the Ontario Fury Soccer game yesterday and it was fantastic! The Boy is also going to be spending a day of Thanksgiving break with his friend so I get a night off. It’s also nice to see a good, hard working family is a part of my kid’s life.
I am no longer going to Montana to visit my sister for Xmas. The expense was going to be much but most of all, I couldn’t take a 3 days road trip with my mother and sister. I know I would lose my mind and I know they would to, having to deal with me and my grumpy attitude sometimes. Also, my car is not up to par. I just had a quote of almost $1000 of work that needs to be done. I had planned on going to San Francisco to the Walt Disney Museum over the Thanksgiving weekend but I had to fix my car and I couldn’t afford a rental. So those repairs need to get done.
So, I’m taking that money I was going to spend and after sending out my niece and nephew their presents and getting all my other Christmas gifts (mostly gift cards), I’m getting a 3 day multi—pass to Disneyland and getting a hotel room nearby and spending the weekend after Xmas there. I miss my Annual Pass tremendously (although I have a plan in the works on getting those back again) so I want to spend some time at my “Happy Place” and rejuvenate my smile again.
Other than that…I’m still here trekking along.