That would be me. Un- lovable.
Yet another of these stupid days rolls in and I have to endure the heart cards, the heart shaped boxes of little chocolates, red and pink M&M’s and my Facebook feed of gooey and gushy “I love my husband/wife/dog”. (Oh BTW certain Facebook friend, you probably should stop loving that spouse of yours. They are cheating on you).
I know there are more of you out there who endure this day as I do and just want it to go away. I am un-lovable.
By my definition and according to my circumstances, I am a person who has NEVER been loved. I do not mean by relatives like a mother, father, sibling, etc. To love a relative is a forced loved, meaning, you don’t choose to. Well, I know sometimes you DO choose to end loving a relative because they are a horrible douchbag but you get my meaning.
I have never been loved by someone who wasn’t blood to me. I have never known the love of a man or even a friend. Well, at this point in my life only one friend but God thought it a great joke to have her be removed from my life 8 years ago because of cancer.
For those who know me a little, you might be asking yourself “Wait, wasn’t she married?”
Yes, I was. But he neither loved me nor even liked me so why he married me is beyond me. You think it would have been for money or an arranged marriage (no I wasn’t pregnant when we married) but no. I just think it was just another sick joke to push me closer to ending it all.
I will not keep rambling my sorrows about this stupid day any longer. I just hope that those who wallow in the sea of “oh I love you dear hubby forever and ever” and “I’m going to Jared to get my wonderful wife a diamond in her favorite color”, realize that it isn’t all candy and brightly colored and expensive jewels for some.
For some it is just another day to remind a person that is mid way through their life, that they are utterly alone in their existence on this earth.
That they are not, and probably never will be, loved.