A Valentine for the Un-lovable


That would be me.  Un- lovable.

Yet another of these stupid days rolls in and I have to endure the heart cards, the heart shaped boxes of little chocolates, red and pink M&M’s and my Facebook feed of gooey and gushy “I love my husband/wife/dog”.  (Oh BTW certain Facebook friend, you probably should stop loving that spouse of yours.  They are cheating on you).

I know there are more of you out there who endure this day as I do and just want it to go away.  I am un-lovable.

By my definition and according to my circumstances, I am a person who has NEVER been loved.  I do not mean by relatives like a mother, father, sibling,  etc.  To love a relative is a forced loved, meaning, you don’t choose to.  Well, I know sometimes you DO choose to end loving a relative because they are a horrible douchbag but you get my meaning.

I have never been loved by someone who wasn’t blood to me.  I have never known the love of a man or even a friend.  Well, at this point in my life only one friend but God thought it a great joke to have her be removed from my life 8 years ago because of cancer.

eeyore-rain-cloudAh, I love my Eeyore Status with God.  I’m always under that rain cloud of drudgery with Him.

For those who know me a little, you might be asking yourself “Wait, wasn’t she married?”

Yes, I was.  But he neither loved me nor even liked me so why he married me is beyond me.  You think it would have been for money or an arranged marriage (no I wasn’t pregnant when we married) but no.  I just think it was just another sick joke to push me closer to ending it all.

I will not keep rambling my sorrows about this stupid day any longer.  I just hope that those who wallow in the sea of “oh I love you dear hubby forever and ever” and “I’m going to Jared to get my wonderful wife a diamond in her favorite color”, realize that it isn’t all candy and brightly colored and expensive jewels for some.

For some it is just another day to remind a person that is mid way through their life, that they are utterly alone in their existence on this earth.

That they are not, and probably never will be, loved.


3 thoughts on “A Valentine for the Un-lovable

  1. When I was single, I didn’t mind Valentine’s Day so much; it was Christmas that was rough. I wanted to smack all those happy couples. At least Valentine’s Day is only one day and then it’s OVER. And you will find your own Valentine very soon and then you won’t mind the holiday.

  2. Even having been fortunate enough to be in a series of steady relationships almost every year for the last 12 years, Valentine’s Day has never really been a big deal for me. It’s always just been another day. It’s a day for Hallmark and candy stores to make money. That’s all.

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