No, I did not tell what this post is titled to someone.
I was told this…by my own sister.
First, I must collect my thoughts before I go through with this post. As I move on in my life, I’m finding that my family, is the crux of where most of my pain comes.
After all that I did for my sister in our last family debacle, creating a response to our aunt that was so intricate and detailed it allowed my sister the upper hand which, in turn, settled the feathers a bit, I got a huge stab in the back by her….I’m reeling.
Today, in an email, I sent my sister a link to a great message from a Pastor from a church near me that I’ve come to like listening to. In this certain message, he was speaking about something my sister has been dealing with. Now, my sister is a Christian as well, so I know that this is not me Bible Beating. However, I’m on a new more positive path to meeting new people who share the same beliefs as myself and I’m open to listening to messages from other churches. I shared this message with my sister because I thought it would relate directly with her.
I got this response back from her:
I know you are excited about [meeting new people], and I know that I should be a better sister, but I am not really at a good place regarding relationships, and if you always talk about it you may start seeing me back away, especially since I have had no luck on the [certain Christian online dating site] (I started to think it is me).
It is nothing personal with you, I know you are happy to be going out and meeting new people (that’s a good thing), but that is why sometimes I don’t talk to some of my girlfriends is because that is all they start talking about is the guy that’s in their life and then their world revolves around that person, and they have no sympathy for the single gal. I know you have been a single gal for awhile so I am sure you understand.
I hope that does not hurt your feelings, but I felt like I just needed to be honest, and I was going to tell you yesterday in person, but you seemed rushed to leave to meet mom and dad. I hope that your friendship’s do turn into finding someone (you deserve it!), but I just ask that it is not all of your conversation with me.
First, it is NOT all of my conversation. My conversation is more along the lines of how people of faith have influenced my thoughts. I’m actually trying hard to see where it is all of my conversation! And honestly, why SHOULDN’T I always talk about something positive in my life such as meeting positive people, etc.?
I’m telling you my jaw is hitting the floor with all this.
Second, I think the bolded part, is what disturbs me the most. Unless I’m coming from left field about this, she is basically saying “screw anyone who is in a happy relationship or in happy friendships and how dare they show that they are happy in front of me”. I mean if someone is in a relationship why the HECK can’t their world revolve around them? I didn’t realize this was Planet My Sister where she made the rules?
You know, my mother has hurt me a lot in my past with similar comments as this and at some point during those hurtful moments, I honestly thought I deserved it. But now I’m wondering if these two really just don’t ever want to see me happy? I would never say that is for sure but I don’t know what to think anymore! I’ve since forgiven her for alot of her painful words and have moved on. But this, I really don’t know what to think of this but I know that I didn’t deserve this.
Or I’m just to sensitive and wear my dumb heart on my sleeve. But I know, in my heart, that if the tables were turned, if I were in her shoes, I would NEVER EVER, have said what she did in that email. I would never have selfishly tried to bring her down. I would have kept it to myself.
So unless, I’m completely off here, what I get from this is that if my sister sees me going in a positive direction, or actually being happy for once in my life, she does not want me to SHARE it with her, whether I give the Glory is to GOD or not. She wants me to not talk about or be positive because SHE is in a bad place?
So, then, basically, she doesn’t want a relationship with me because my very presence may emit positivity?
Someone tell me I’m wrong in thinking that is the most SELFISH thing I’ve ever heard!
On top of how hurtful this all is, it’s amazing how she decides to see my positivity as gloating? And being that I’ve lost a lot of weight and now weigh less than her, by a lot of pounds, just my very presence, as I mentioned above, is gloating.
I have been betrayed by the last of these people who I only share blood with.
I’m appalled…..yet, I’m so sad for where she is right now….so very sad but I refuse to be pulled into her Misery Buffet.