I really thought that my mother and I were on the road to recovery. As I said in a previous post, I’ve learned to let a lot of her comments go through one ear and out the other because, for the most part, she says things to me just to either pick a fight or to shoot down my dreams. Or sometimes, she’s just in a bad mood and lashes out at me because, well because she can. It’s a free country and all. Either way, I’ve learn to try and deal with the hurt that comes with her words but sometimes, it’s hard and last night’s conversation with her, was no exception.
I was concerned about the email I got from my sister, and I began to question whether I do gloat or boast about my weight loss, or meeting more positive new people. I, most certainly do not want to come off as boastful when I am trying to be encouraging.
But you see, I’m still working on realizing when the problem sometimes doesn’t lie with me, but the OLD me sends me into a place that makes me question my actions.
So I made the mistake of asking my mother if that was the case. I knew the minute the question left my mouth that it was a BIG mistake. This opened up a door for her to enter the room of “let’s make sure we point out ALL you are doing wrong, while we are at it”. And she even said…”well you asked the question”.
Yes, that’s right I did, but I’m still learning.
It went something like this and I will jump in with points on how far fetched and ridiculous some of her comments are. This is a real conversation. I have made up nothing. However, names and locations have been changed, to protect the innocent (and I hope that certain person doesn’t get offended that I’ve included them in this but no one knows who we are talking about anyway).
So here we go….
Me: Can I ask a question? Do I come off as boastful or show off with my weight loss?
Her: Well, you talk about it to much. You’re always saying how you are eating and what new size you are in.
Me: I may do that because I’ve never been in this place before in my life and I want to share.
Her: Well, you are always on recycle with your comments about your weight loss………
(then it began)….
Her: And now, you met this new person and what if you start to like him (I’ve known them for all of a little over a month. Jumping the gun a bit there?) and what are you going to do? Are you going to take The Boy out of school, move to [a certain CA city]……are you going to move DOWN?! And you haven’t been even going to church!
First, I have been going to church, I was just there last Sunday so she can leave that judgment at the door….and last I heard, I don’t have to answer to her regarding my church visits.
Second, let me explain the “Move…down” comment. I do not mean to offend anyone as these are NOT my words, nor my thoughts.
She means, that this certain city, where this church is that I want to visit and this new person who I’m befriending, is in a city that isn’t the best, although according to who, really depends. I would never want to be associated with such a judgmental, non-humble type of thinking. It’s disgusting. And I find it very hard to keep my mind from wondering in the land of “what a hypocrite”. Regardless, the snobbery that came out of that comment was appalling and really uncalled for considering; she lives in a pretty ghetto city herself.
Back to the conversation as the insults continue in the form of her thinking that I’m not putting The Boy first and, according to her, not feeding him…yes, she REALLY thinks I’m not FEEDING my child.
After the “moving down” comment…
Me: ..…….. (I decided that I would start biting my tongue after the “moving down” comment)
Her: The Boy doesn’t eat. You need to feed him more vegetables and you shouldn’t feed him the Top Ramon. (WTF?!?….last I knew, I’m the one who knows MY child best, lives with him and I’m constantly filling my fridge to accommodate his appetite).
Mkay so, the Top Ramon comment is because she saw 2 boxes of Top Ramon in my cabinet and laid in on me how that stuff is to salty and he shouldn’t be eating it every day. First off, I agree, that stuff is super high in sodium. Second, he doesn’t eat it every day. Just like sweets, only in moderation. But all she heard was “I’m feeding it to him morning noon and night”.
Also, to question that I’m not feeding him the proper nutrition, is just out right ridiculous. I’m sorry, but WHO has lost 70 friggin pounds? Again, I hate to come off boastful but the only way to lose that much weigh is to EAT….BETTER. That means the items in my kitchen are not crap. Hence, The Boy eats just fine. Her theory, that I do not feed or that I feed my child crap, is severely faulty.
Her: You are lying to me about something (……again, biting my tongue to bleeding at this point). You are lying about this new person you’ve met.
Me: (being VERY careful with my words at this point and just wanting to end this massacre of a conversation) Ok, I’m actually not lying about anything. I’ve tried my best to be as truthful to all of you as possible in the positive way my faith and beliefs and attitude are going. And that includes meeting new people who are on the same path as me. I can’t predict the future so I can’t answer your “what if” questions. I can only trust in God to know what is going to happen….
Her (Interrupting): *she laughs at my “trust in God” comment* Oh really? Now you meet this new person and all the sudden you are all about God.
Me: Um, well yes, even though God was already there but that is how fellowship with faithful people goes. And it was always there…I just want it to grow.
Her: You are hiding something from me about this new person. You think you are so smart but you still go back to lying and I’m not talking to you anymore.
I really am sick of being called a liar, at this point. If she wants to talk to a liar, she can go back to talking to her own sister. I’m just flabbergasted because I’ve tried my BEST to be open and honest with my family as I’m not who I was a few years ago but that was just returned with my sister telling me to not talk about positive things around here because she is in a “bad place” and my mother with this conversation. But this whole liar name calling is pushing my patience to its last limits as I’m pretty much done being called a liar, when I’m not.
Me: Well, what would you like to hear from me because all I can tell you is that positive new friends and a new church environment in my life is exactly what is going on. I have no hidden agenda.
Her (Interrupting): You are being elusive and I’m going to hang up….
Me: Ok, but I can honestly tell you I’m not lying and want to resolve this in a……
She hangs up on me.
You know, going through the crux of that conversation again makes me actually, physically nauseated.
This woman…..*sigh*…..this woman has always been prone to these hissy fits when she doesn’t get her way. It’s like an adult sized toddler tantrum. Her and my sister are so much alike. They seem to personify “Misery Loves Company” to perfection. Yet, if I were to EVER tell them to just suck it up and have some faith, as both have told me oh so many times, I would literally, probably get beat down. And I mean, literally, beat and then ostracized.
Welcome to my family.
It’s just a sad state of affairs and hurts my heart more than makes me angry.
Over the past several months, because of other family issues and things I don’t agree about with my parents, I’ve pulled away, ever so slowly and ever so slightly, from them. I am a mother and I have to think of my own child and that Boy is my absolute world. My parents are not in a good place right now. Even considering that it is mostly not their fault due to . I will always be sympathetic that my mother had a hard life, yet that excuse is slowly becoming tiresome. My father, he no longer can communicate or put sentences together and the last I heard, his memory is fading even faster.
I am not like my Aunt who is someone who says they are walking a Christian path yet are an out right pathological liar, manipulator and cheat. I’m trying REALLY hard to find a better place for myself in this world. I’m trying hard to surround myself with more positive people who are gung ho all out for God. That is my road. It may not be anyone else’s, but it is mine.
I’m just having a hard time admitting to myself and accepting that my family, may not be able to go where I’m going. So all I can do keep walking my path and pray that the way I’m going can influence them to see that they can walk with me to, eventually
And to throw all the trash of our pasts away and look toward the future. But until then, I must pull away from them even more, especially if my “positive” attitude becomes a stumbling block.