It is exactly as it says. I can literally see him struggle with the fact that he is fully in love with me in his heart and mind, yet denies it on the outside. He is cold, distant, throws my girly emotional “I miss you’s” back in my face.
But there are little things he does, things he says. Actions that tell me, in his heart he feels he must stay in touch
But the last I spoke to him was 5 days ago, when his cold reactions to my love was the last straw. I understand on the outside, someone may think this looks like I’m seeing something that isn’t there but really, that isn’t the case. Something in my heart….in my soul tells me he fights his love for me. He is battling his own World War 3 in his own heart and soul.
Ultimately, it makes me sad. If he would just give into what he feels for me, we could actually, possibly throw away our horrible past and create a new future. We could be parents to our son. We could love each other as a family.
But he won’t, or maybe he can’t , or maybe he just doesn’t want to. Whatever the case, I’m tired of being tossed around by his emotional resistance and 5 days ago I said just this….
“You have broken my heart for the last fucking time, you asshole….”
And I was done.