I started this blog back in 2013 when I started a long and endless journey of weight loss. I chose the medical route but not surgery. I got vitamin injections and medication. I also cut out carbs completely and stopped fast food entirely. It worked and over the span of a little over a year, I lost 70 lbs. Spring of 2014 was the biggest highlight of this journey. I was in a size 8, I was happy and even took a fun trip with my son to Hearst Castle. We had an awesome and memorable time that even he still reminisces about.
But as they say, when you rise high, you fall far. And I did. I do realize that this is a lifetime thing, being conscious of weight and what is going in my mouth but really sometimes it seems so exhausting. I do firmly believe that thin women, who don’t have the natural genetic ability of a super fast metabolism, literally eat nothing.
I will be 40 years old in exactly two months (shit….) and I’ve gained 43 pounds of the initial 70 I lost. The feeling that comes with those pounds is utter devastation and just plain feeling sick, sluggish and tired. It can’t really be described. My stomach is bloated and everything feels puffy even down to my toes and ankles. Even my fingers look like little wrinkled sausages. It literally feels like I was ripped apart and put back together wrong.
Now that I have finalized my move here to Idaho and I am getting settled in my apartment, staying on top of my kid and his schooling, settling into my job and finances, I decided to do something about this. I started a Super Colon Cleanse and an Antioxidant Detox as well, to just flush shit out…literally.
I also visited a clinic not to different than the first clinic I started this journey at. They give the vitamin shots which is a cocktail mixture of B-12, B-6, Folic Acid, B Complex, and Vitamin C. They also offer the appetite suppressants but they also offered something else ….HCG. I hear they work but have to be careful when they get stopped which is after about 3 months of a weekly shot. The weight can climb back on quickly. I tried it for about a month when I first arrived here in June and they worked. I want to start the program fresh again and finish it out.
Honestly, I just want to de-bloat and get rid of this general feeling of being disconnected from my own body. Everything fits me tight and I’m walking around feeling like a stuffed sausage, with glubs of fat rolling out of my clothes. Speaking of clothes…I have none that fit right so I’m sure I look ridiculous at work. It really does disgust me.
I can’t go back to the workout routine I had before which consisted of 30 minutes on the elliptical and 20 minutes of weight lighting done 4-5 days a week. My herniated disc injury and low back weakness won’t allow for that. I can barely do Power Walking a bit uphill on a treadmill. I’m going to try and fit in 20 minutes on the Elliptical 2 times a week. But if I do anymore, my body begins to hurt.
But if my output is going to be greatly reduced, then that means my input must also do that same.
SO we get to the title of this entry. At my initial visit to the clinic yesterday, I was told exactly that. “Your daily calorie intake will be 525”
That has to be the lowest I’ve ever been told to intake!! She explained it was because the HCG shots do something with the fat cells or something like that. I should probably research before I dive in but I’ll be fine. I know my body and I know what works and what doesn’t.
She did give me a grocery list that would embrace this 525 calorie a day diet (still reading that blows my mind….). It’s a lot of fruit, oatmeal, yogurt and water water water and just a bit more water. I’m going to break out my Nutribullet again and start my smoothies with a bit of Whey protein in them along with the fruit.
So the conclusion is this. In my world, to not be fat, I must intake nothing of substance. I must move everyday (I can deal with that). I must also become obsessed about food and what goes down my gullet.