I don’t smile anymore…not that I ever really did much of that in my lonely life.
There is no need. There is nothing to smile about. Nothing to have hope for. I go to work, go home, deal with a kid who has the motivation of a soft boiled egg, play a wizard kiddie game on my computer, go to bed, rinse and repeat. Nothing.
I’m getting old. My body is failing me, slowly. I can feel it. It’s becoming harder to breathe, it’s becoming harder to move and with no adult human interaction in my life (and I mean that LITERALLY) or any laughter or joy of any kind, it’s becoming harder to just plain live through a day.
I gave up my whole life to be born to the woman I was born to and deal with her other daughter and I’m to tired for their loud drama. I just want to tell them to shut up, I don’t care.
I gave up my adult life to raise a kid, by myself,while his father went to have a party. And now said kid is turning out to be everything I can’t stand in a person. He is like his father in so many way despite not even knowing him for a moment in his whole life. He can be emotionless, caring for no one’s feelings. Just dead inside to any drop of humanity. It’s disgusting.
I fight back crying uncontrollably every waking moment of my existence and I’m ready for it to end.