Good Morning….Insect of DEATH

I would like to press the “restart” button on this day.

I left my candle lit last night, out on my balcony.  I guess this attracts insects of the worse kind when they are rogue and lost and alone in the cold.

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Not the actual culprit but this does accurately depict the actual size….yes, not joking

It welcomed a one inch Yellow Jacket onto my balcony back door.  So, when I went out this morning to blow out the candle, unbeknownst to me, it flew in through the open door behind me.  I did not see it until about 10 minutes later when I saw this HUGE thing with legs on my wall. As I inched closer, thinking it was one of the gargantuan flies that live in this state, I noticed the yellow stripes and antenna.

There it was. A Yellow Jacket.  I backed away slowly, about to run, then realizing, uh this bastard was in MY house…I don’t run!  This does not imply that I wasn’t scared out of my wits.

I announced to The Boy there was a Yellow Jacket in my room and to keep the cat out because the dumb cat would get in my way of killing it thinking it was a play toy and get himself stung!  And that is all I would need!  A wounded cat and a crying kid.  The Boy closed his door and refused to come out until I could present the Death Certificate of this monster.

*Sigh* I resigned to being late to work..

So I stopped my morning routine and attempted to kill this beast.  I grabbed the big 3 inch thick Bible I found at an Estate Sale and was determined to show this thing the Word of God.

With my Bible in hand, it took me 10 minutes just to approach it and it logo_bamsmackpow-comkept moving around my room and landing in awkward places.  But finally I hit it!!!

The insect fell as did the 3 inch Bible I hit it with and both landed behind my nightstand! So, I spent another 20 minutes dissecting the area but did find it, dead and lifeless, directly below where I hit it.  It matched the carpet to perfection which made it hard to see.

God-damn it.

So, it was dead and I was able to confirm to The Boy, said death, with a corpse and documentation.

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I wasn’t about to pick it up with a tissue like it was a fly.  It had a stinger and could still have been playing dead.  Instead, I grabbed the vacuum and sucked that bastard up.

Crunch….crunch….crunch, it went and was gone.  Now, I was about 30 minutes late into starting my day but I didn’t care.  There was no way I was going to leave a Yellow Jacket, dead or alive, in my house.  It must die and die it did.

But he really must have been lost because there are no insects of that kind roaming around this time of year when it’s really cold.  He was doomed to die.

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Cats have feeling to…

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And apparently, mine does, but he did have a reason.

I’ve been in my new apartment for just under a month now.  My cat has taken to meowing for long periods of time at night.  His demeanor has changed slightly since his living arrangements have changed a bit.  He went from a big apartment to run around to being locked into one solitary room for 6 months straight.

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Uh, maybe cuz he’s a LITTLE BITCH!

But just last night, he was yet again, walking around, meowing at the wind, when I realized what was happening.  I now see that he meows in middle of night at all the other cats roaming the apartment complex because apparently, there is an array of them.  I heard one last night…from across the complex.  Now, it could have been meowing from the window of it’s home, I could care less but this little fucker was loud!

And there sat my Cat, meowing in the direction of his whining girlfriend.

Goddamn CAT, I love him!

Yeah, can I just spend the rest of my life drunk?

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I know, bad title especially for those who do deal with drinking problems, but I really have to admit…these past few days I’ve just wanted to drink my existence into oblivion.

I’m so emotionally drained.  The cat threw up on Saturday but the reason why is unknown to me.  He may have eaten to fast or something.  He hasn’t thrown up again and is seeming to be doing fine.  He is VERY clingy to me now though.  Now, he only eats his dinner IN my lap, nowhere else.  I would feed him all meals in my lap if it would get him to eat and gain weight but I have to work and can’t.  So, only his dinners are in my lap, on the couch.  I will now have to work my evening schedule around lap feeding my cat.  What’s funny is if you knew this cat’s personality, being clingy and cuddly is NOT what this cat is about so the constant “I MUST be sitting right on your lap” attitude he’s adopted is new for me.  I like it, but then realize, it’s just another whiny, clingy living creature I have to contend with.

I also have to give him medications, twice a day.  Antacids, for the upset tummy and Antibiotics for the mouth infection.  Apparently, there is no easy way to give a cat medications through a syringe or dropper.  He fights me every time and sometimes, sprays the medication all over the place and me because he shakes his head.  This morning, I made the mistake of getting fully dressed for work BEFORE giving him his meds.  Let’s just say I had to change just before walking out the door.

The total cost for this whole ordeal, after 3 nights of hospitalization, the initial first visit and the two meds and special food: $916.00  I have no words….

Anyway, the other clingy, whiny creature I contend with is The Boy.  I swear, I love that kid to death but he seriously needs to just grow a pair.  Harsh, I know, but he whines and complains at every little scratch or bump.  He hit his head while playing soccer at school and got a sore in his mouth, where the ball hit him.  Now it’s whining and moaning every time he eats because it stings the sore.  I say suck it up kid!  You want to play ice hockey?  You gotta learn to suck it up!  Are you  bleeding? No.  Anything broken? No. Then suck it up!

I’m mean, I know but hell! I used to play volleyball with dislocated fingers and busted knees!  My coach would say “wrap that up and let’s go!  You’re our best setter!”

The Boy needs to suck it up….

On top of that, I had another riling verbal go at it with my mother and sister after church on Sunday.

My sister…I laugh at her sometimes.  Not because I’m making fun of her but because she is trying to hold onto the last dying hope that our mother will actually stop trying to control our lives and not have “selective amnesia” when it comes to things we say.  I’ve told my mother I do NOT like when The Boy interrupts our adult conversations just so he can get a game on her iPad or to get her to turn her mobile WiFi on.  He knows to NEVER do that with me nor when my sister and I our talking.  Yet, when my mother is there…he turns into a disrespectful little bugger.  It’s because she allows it.

So, apparently, my mother doesn’t remember the 50 times I’ve told her that I will not allow disrespectful interrupting from The Boy, even though my sister backed up pretty much each time I’ve told her, as she has heard me say it to our mother, multiple times.  Nope, I get a “You have NEVER told me that” from my mother.

It’s unbelievable…

Our mother is also pissed we aren’t going to a baby shower of a cousin we never see nor hardly even know.  The only reason this cousin haphazardly invited us, through our mother, is so she can get more gifts.  It’s so blatantly obvious.  Our mother wants us to go and why does she? Well, I would assume it would be to “show us off” per say.  Especially me, who has lost all kinds of weight.  Now, apparently, I look good enough for her to brag about it.  With my mother, it’s all about how we look to others.  So sad really.

So, my sister calls me yesterday evening, after that harrowing conversation we all had saying “why do I need to go somewhere because SHE wants me to”? I simply tell her “Uh…sweetie…you don’t.  You are 30 years old.  You can do whatever the hell you want.  I’ve been telling you this for years now”.  She knows that she needs to let go of trying to please our mother, as I have done many years ago.  She also needs to come to terms that our mother will always hand out the guilt trips when she doesn’t get her way and my sister needs to learn to just push away.  Being close to our mother is something my sister has always reveled in, compared to me, who has always tried to steer clear from getting to attached to her.  But I’ve told her, there is a REASON I keep my distance.  She may just have to learn the hard way.

She’ll soon see the whole picture for what it really is and understand why I deal with our mother as little as possible.

And with all this stress, I didn’t realize that I was ripping my fingers to absolute shreds.  My cuticles, every single one of them, are not now doused in antibiotic ointment and have a bandaid wrapped around them.  It got so bad that I couldn’t feel the tips of my fingers anymore.  I really need to get a hold of this disease.

It’s finally time!

In a few hours, I finally go to pick up my cat.  I’m nervous as to what the final amount will be that I have to pay them before they will release him to me.  I’m hoping it’s not to much and I told them that if they needed to do more than what was quoted to me, to let me know.  The only extra thing I told them to do was clip his nails.

I just want my cat back.  The visit yesterday was a bit harrowing.  He was not calm and very nervous.  They brought him in actually attached to the IV pole this time.  So, I was nervous having him walking around and wanting to jump off the table, afraid that the IV would rip out of his little leg.  His eyes were still wide and scared looking and this time, he didn’t calm down when I tried to hold him close and kiss his head.  He just wanted to run away.  Of course, he doesn’t understand that we are trying to make him feel better.  He probably thinks he’s being tortured and that kills me.

To add the icing on this miserable cake of mine, I think all this stress as of late is getting to me.  I am feeling sickness coming on.  I was fine as of a few hours ago, then suddenly, my nose itches, my head hurts and my throat feels scratchy.  It came on so quickly that I’m wondering if it’s just allergies, which could very well be the case.  Regardless, I’m going to be sitting on my couch tonight, hugging my cat, watching the Dodgers play against the Cardinals in Game 1.

Go Dodgers!

He wears the Cone of Shame

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So, my Baby Kitty is sporting the most infamous Cone of Shame.

The Boy and I rushed down to the hospital to visit with him after I picked him up from school.  When they brought him in the room he had an IV needle in his leg.  Apparently, he had been in the middle of one of his fluid treatments so he had to be unhooked from the bag to be brought to us.  We brought him his mousy toy but he wasn’t interested.  He hated that cone around his head.  I was holding him and talking to him and he kept looking up towards my voice but couldn’t see me because the cone wouldn’t let him move his head.  His eyes were very wide, like he was still unsure as to what the heck was going on.  I just bent down and kissed his head like I normally do when we cuddle on the couch.  He seemed like he wanted to run though.  So, I wasn’t sure if he recognized us at all but I did notice that only when I bent down to kiss his head and whisper at him, was when he would calm down.

The nurse did say that the vomiting has stopped and they are easing him back into it eating.  We will be going back again tonight to visit and should be able to bring him home tomorrow evening (after I pay another $300 *sigh*).

keep-calm-and-smile-don-t-cryI feel like I’ve been walking around the past few days with a HUGE lump in my throat.  Almost, like I could just start crying at any given moment.  Composing this post was hard enough to do without wanting to scream.  I want to cry all the time.  I’m pathetic.

Last night, I finally went to bed around 12:30 and just cried, yet again.  I really need to get a hold of myself.  But I tell myself, at least I’m falling apart in privacy and not at my desk at work, or in front of The Boy or something like that. I’m still functioning fine at work and interact with others without falling apart.  I’m staying strong when The Boy is watching me.  I”m actually proud of how The Boy has handled this.  He is keeping it together nicely and just doesn’t like to see me get emotional.But when I’m alone, after The Boy has long gone to sleep, I become a heap of a blubbering mess.

Sometimes, I really curse my over dramatic emotional character.

I cried…

I’ve had a little bit of time to let this all sink in.  I swing from telling myself this really just sucks to telling myself “Good Lord, woman! Pull yourself together! It’s just a cat!”

Last night, I didn’t finally go to bed until way past midnight, but that has been the normal occurrence with me lately, even before this whole fiasco.  When I finally did go to bed, I opened my bedroom window, as is the habit because that is where he likes to stand, perched on his cat tree and staring out into the night.

I laughed at myself and turned to go to bed.  As I laid down, I patted the mattress. *pat..pat* as is the custom when I’m telling him I’m in bed now and he can jump up with me, but only if he wants.  Most of the time he never does.

Then I cried….I cried and cried.  I cried because I knew I finally could.  The Boy was asleep and wouldn’t see me.  That kid was actually pretty strong when we said goodnight to him last night and left him at the hospital.

But I cried and I thought things like  “that dumb cat…” and “it’s JUST A CAT!”

Maybe he is just a cat, but he is still flesh and blood.  I saw his xrays.  I saw his organs and bones.  That was actually pretty neat.  He has a functioning brain.  However, being flesh and blood means, he gets diseases and apparently kidney disease is pretty common.

Tonight, at 5:00 pm, I will rush out of work to go pick up The Boy then rush to the Hospital and visit with him.  The Boy wanted us to bring his toy mouse, which is sitting in my car right now.  Then it will be goodbye’s again and I repeat that for the next three days.

Photo from vet-pet-health-advice.com

The bright side is that Kidney Disease is treatable and he wasn’t given a death sentence.  He will need to take medications or I will probably have to give him at home fluid therapy, something I will have to learn how to do.  I’m also going to need to put him on a special diet, all of which will be explained to me better when I pick him up but I have done some reading on this and I am kind of aware of what I will have to do to treat him.

The grand total for yesterday, after the physical exam, the blood work, urine tests and after the 60% down for his 3 night hospital stay was about $650 I needed to pay up front.  When I pick him up Friday, I’ll need to pay the other 40%.  Luckily, for me, my step-grandmother would have nothing of it when she heard me telling my mother that I couldn’t do that and was just going to take whatever medications I could afford and bring him back home.  She told my mother to charge it on her Care Credit card and I’ll be paying her back in payments.  She also has an 8 year old orange tabby and is a huge cat lover.  She almost flipped her lid when I said I couldn’t get him hospitalized to get the IV fluids in him to hydrate him again.  Believe me…you do NOT want to have a little old Cuban woman scolding you in Spanish.  It can be very intimidating.  I took her offer.

So, I feel a bit guilty that I possibly couldn’t have afforded to keep him in the hospital to get his IV and that I had to borrow a large chunk of money to get him hospitalized but I’ll be paying her back and they know I’m good for it.  Fitting payments into my budget is a lot better for me than just shelling out almost $1000 for this whole thing, at once.

I wished that I could have a back up credit card or something for things like this.  I can’t afford to keep a savings because I live paycheck to paycheck and no company will even give me a credit card because I have 2 BK’s on my record.  So, I am a bit worried about whether I will be able to keep up with the cost of his medications.

But I’m going to try not to think about that.  I just want these next three days to go by quickly, mostly for The Boy’s sake.

I swear, I am going to be in a horrific state when that cat does die.  My kid held it together better yesterday than I did when we were saying goodbye to him.  I’m such an emotional freak of nature sometimes.

My cat has Kidney Disease

Last night, I had to leave my cat to spend three nights in the hospital.

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After the exam, xrays and blood work the doctor said that he was dehydrated because of the vomiting. He also has a slight bacterial infection in his mouth.  But more importantly, he also has chronic kidney disease.

He will get IV fluids in him and get antibiotics for the bacteria infection.  The Boy and I will visit him every day after I pick him up from school.  We’ll bring him home Friday with medications and food.

It was hard leaving the hospital without bringing him home, but I had to keep my composure for The Boy’s sake.  It was even harder sitting on my couch and not seeing him walking around anywhere.

I kept my composure until after I put The Boy to bed and got in the shower to wash this cruddy day off.  Then I cried.  I’m going to be a basket case when it’s that cat’s time to really go. And don’t even ask how much it was to have him in the hospital three nights with IV’s in him. Honestly, I didn’t really care about the cost.

So, he will be on medications and on a special diet for the rest of his life.  I also think I may invest in pet insurance, especially if I’m going to be paying for medications on a regular basis.

I’m better now but I know these will be the longest three days of my life.

Vet visit happens today…

Update:

Since I last posted, I called the first Vet that I had the Saturday appointment for to ask if I could just bring him in today.  The doctor that is usually there in the afternoon, isn’t there and she wanted me to come in tomorrow or keep my Saturday. This was AFTER I told her he was vomiting.

I went to an online search for another vet hospital…screw that!

I found another Animal Hospital that will take him this afternoon BECAUSE he’s vomiting.  I’m leaving work in an hour to take him there.

My co-worker, who used to work at a Vet Hospital, said that vomiting, especially in an animal that NEVER vomits, is never good and I should take him into the Vet E.R.

I’m a fucking wreck…

For the first time in almost 4 years, I’m worried about my furbaby

There is something wrong with him.  It’s been a gradual “something” over the past few months.

First, he was super finicky about his foods and I was bouncing back and forth trying to find what he liked.

Then, he straight out refused dry food of any kind, so I stuck to only wet food.

Then, he began losing weight, or so it seemed, I wasn’t sure.  His back end is super thin around his tailbone and hind legs and his stomach sinks in when he walks (it’s hard to describe).  He still eats but not a whole lot and he eats in sessions, meaning he eats small amounts over time.  That is hard for me because I’m at work during the day so I can’t keep refilling his food on an hourly basis and if the food stays on his plate to long, he refuses it.  This is a new problem.

I’ve also noticed, as of late, when he eats, he has a gag type reflex.  He’ll eat, then kind of open his mouth and heave like something is stuck somewhere and he’s trying to get it out.  Usually, he’s fine after a few seconds.

He also drools, a lot.  I thought that was normal but I was told by my cousins’ husband, who owns three Vet clinics in Orange County, that drooling is not normal and it could mean he’s nauseated.

Then, this morning, he threw up for the first time, ever.  I know he did hack a hairball about a year ago but that was all he’s ever done in the 3/12 years I’ve had him.  I fed him when I got up, like I normally do and he ate.  Then about 3 minutes later, he threw everything he had just ate back up.  I was just about to leave for work when he did this so I left a bit more on his plate just in case he wanted to eat more.

Now, I’m sitting here at work, just sickened with worry and wondering what I need to do.  I have a vet appointment for him on Saturday but now, I’m debating whether I should call the vet and ask if they can see him tonight.

Worse than this, I feel like I did something wrong.  I was bending over backwards to get him food he would eat and now I feel dumb thinking I read somewhere that drooling in cats is normal.  Maybe I read that about dogs?  But I feel riddled with guilt that I didn’t take care of him properly.  Or that I didn’t take him to the vet sooner.

I’m going to make some phone calls in a bit here, I might have to get my parents to take The Boy to hockey practice tonight.

Bearded Dragon = Yes

As another incentive for The Boy to let me shop, I promised him that we would stop by the local reptile store to look at Geckos.  He has it in his brain now that since he’s lost two hamsters to death, that a Gecko is the way to go.  I humored him, but I draw the line at spiders and snakes.  Geckos and lizards of that type I can tolerate because we had some when I was younger.

We get into the store and are immediately met by a nice young man and I tell him we want to see the Geckos.  He points them out to us and asks if we would be holding it and petting it.  The Boy says yes (of course he wants to have a lizard in his hands as often as he can) and then the young man points us toward the bearded dragons.

I heard “dragon” and thought of a Komodo Dragon and my heart stopped.  Then my mind told me that Komodo Dragons aren’t really domestic type lizards (I hope?) and the next thing I thought of was an Iguana.  I was becoming more nervous as we walked over to the Bearded Dragons and all my assumptions were very wrong.

See the difference:

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Komodo Dragon

Iguana

Iguana

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Bearded Dragon

Apparently, Bearded Dragons look like the photo above and will calmly and happily stay on one’s shoulder.  As babies, they are really small and not jittering and they don’t try to run away.  The Boy even got to hold one.

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The young man informed me that they grow to be about 2 feet at most.  He also said that they adapt to whatever personality their owner has.  He must have seen my “what bullshit” look because he proceeded to explain that if you get one as a baby and interact with it often, it will be like you.  If you are calm, it remains calm.  If you walk it around it will adapt to being on your shoulder.  I think I was still giving him the WTF look but it was more because I still couldn’t believe I was considering this creature to reside in my house, but I tried to smile and nod.

He also showed us the aquariums they sell that come with the heating lamps and accessories.  On the surface, this looks very interesting.  However, I have this sinking gut feeling that I will be the one taking care of this lizard.  However, he did say that they require very little upkeep.  Then, of course, they shed eventually a few times I think.  And there is also that whole feeding it live crickets routine.  Blegh.

So I’m still on the fence because aside from the fact that these things are the ugliest lizards I’ve ever seen, it is STILL a lizard.  What I left for The Boy to understand was that he has to be good, keep his room clean and the area this lizard would be in clean, and no bad reports from school.

Final thought:  I have a feeling I’m going to have a Bearded Dragon living in my house within the next few weeks.

What to do with the Cat!

In planning for this Christmas Montana trip, there was one aspect I totally forgot about!

My cat!  This isn’t a weekend/overnight trip! I’ll be gone for 7 nights!  So I am starting to look around for boarding facilities.  Then I realized,  I need to get his shots up to date or NO boarding facility will take him.

This is going to run into a lot of money but I would rather have him at a boarding facility that have someone come into my house just to feed him and clean his litter.  Although that is all he really needs to be done.  But then again, I wouldn’t want him to be alone for those 8 days.  He would think I abandoned him!

I found a boarding hospital that is $19.50 per night and that is the best rate I’ve seen yet.  Then again between now and then, I have to find the money to get his shots updated and a physical exam for him.

I may have to get a credit card soon and after being credit card free for almost 2 years, I’m apprehensive to doing that.  But it is what it is!

If anyone has suggestions, I’ll gladly take em!

My cat’s 4th of July included Fancy Feast

This morning, I realized I was down to the last can of cat food.  My cat REFUSES to eat dry food.  He also shows his disapproval with anger if any type of fish cat food (i.e salmon, tuna, trout, shrimp) is placed before him.  So, when he runs out of canned food and I try to give him dry, he protests by starving himself.

Cat food Shopping

So, my 4th of July morning included a trip to Ralph’s, with my paper coupons and eCoupons in hand, to buy him the cat food he will eat.  Yes, that is 30 cans of Fancy Feast and 10 cans of Sheba you see in that cart.

Snickers Enjoys

Then, he just scarfed it up, without even so much as a thank you or looking up to pose.

Then, he just walked around, licking his paws and I begged him for one photo of him and his full tummy.

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“*sigh* Fine. I guess because you finally fed me what I wanted, I will hold this horrible make-shift American Flag you made.  Did I mention it’s an terrible replica? You crazy human…”

“Yes, but it’s 4th of July….just stop complaining!”

“Hmmpff…I could always suffocate you with my body in your sleep you know….”

He’s just jealous because he won’t be seeing fireworks later tonight.

I don’t know…I think another episode of Cat Shaming might be in order.

That darn cat….I love him!

Build a Bear Iron Man Suits!

Ok, how much did I “squee” when I saw in my email an advertisement for the Build a Bear Iron Man Costume for your bear.

OH! and look! I have a $10 Build a Bear Gift card!

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I may have to stop at the Downtown Disney Build a Bear when we are out there this Friday…yup…and maybe I’ll even make a new animal.

I’m giggling at myself because of how excited I am!

I was surrounded by small people and furry animals

Well, actually only one of each in those categories.

I have been having trouble sleeping lately. I finally nodded off last night around 1:30 a.m. and for me…to get less than 8 hours of sleep a night pretty much sends me into the depths of an abyss of hell that no one ever wants to go to.

I.need.sleep.

I was sleeping pretty hard after I did fall asleep. So hard that I did not notice that The Boy had climbed into my bed due to a bad dream. When I did realize that he was there, it was 30 minutes before my alarm was to go off.  I go to flip over and there is a small human there.

Hmmm…ok,” I tell myself. I will flip over to the other side….uh…nope. There is a small furry animal known as a CAT laying on my other side.

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I was surrounded and having three bodies, feline or human, on my small full sized bed was not a combination made for being comfortable.

Luckily, I needed to get up anyway.   It didn’t matter that it was 30 minutes before my alarm was to go off. What is 30 minutes of more sleep….uh huh.

This is what happens…when The Boy takes my Canon

I sleep in on weekends. At least I try to.

Sometimes, when I’m still sleeping, The Boy will take my Canon SLR and this, is the result:

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I’m assuming since Orange Domo was assaulting Pink Domo with the scissors in the end, I think the Orange Domo won.

The following pictures have lead me to believe my cat really favors the other male in the family. I can not get this cat to sit still or pose for me at all when I’m photographing him. Or maybe my kid IS better than me at photography! Ha!

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A cat on the window sill….

Seeing Double?

My cat is becoming my best friend. I don’t know if that makes me look good or just pathetic but I don’t care. I love him so much.

Here he is, enduring my Canon in his face, yet again. I can’t help it! He’s such a good subject.

I love getting shots of his reflection in a mirror. It’s like I have two of him and double the fur and love!

Maybe Eeyore will help me move into my new apartment

I have boxes stacked all over my apartment. They are going up the walls, stacked high. I have not received one offer of help from anyone in my family.

Well, I lied. I realized that I could not physically move the big items such as my dining table, hutch, beds, and entertainment center. So I got my mother to ask her cousin if her son can help with the big items in 2 weeks. He was enticed with the offer of cash, which is no problem. He’s a good kid and always willing to work odd jobs for a few bucks. I respect that.

However, the boxes and all the little random items that are in shelves, cabinets and closets are all getting moved by myself and my 9 year old.

I’m so physically exhausted and a bit disappointed that neither my sister nor parents have offered one bit to help. Granted, the offer of help was mentioned in passing. Something along the lines of “oh we will help you with you the pathfinder (SUV) to move all the boxes.” But then my aunt’s funeral came around and I was put on the back burner, as is the normal process of my life.

Now, please don’t get me wrong. I am in no way blaming the funeral of my aunt. That was a hard loss for all of us. What I am saying is that this is always how it happens. I’m next in line to get SOME kind of attention from anyone in my family or anyone in general, then something else, of higher importance takes over. Whether it be a funeral, wedding or just my sister demanding for me to help her hook up with someone she had a huge crush on 8 years ago, through Facebook. Oh I helped her do that but never, in the process of helping her, did she offer to help me.

This is just the way my life has gone. I have never felt important to anyone. Not even my own mother. Everytime I call her, some random person in her family or something is pulling her attention away from the few moments I get. This could be selfish thinking on my part, I know. But it just seems that something is always more important that me in regards to the people who are supposed to love me.

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imagesCA6XTF4FThis may be why Eeyore is the 1st on a list of 4 of my favorite Disney characters. I can relate to Eeyore and the plight that he goes through. Eeyore is known for walking around with a dark, rainy cloud constantly following him and raining on him. He lives in his Gloomy Place in the Hundred Acre Wood.

He builds his house of sticks which gets knocked down by Winnie the Pooh  and Piglet because they thought his house was just a plain old pile of sticks (Metaphor: His belongings are not deemed important). Of course Pooh and Piglet re-built Eeyore’s Stick house. How nice of them.

I’ve connected with this character for as long as I can remember. My pin trading obsession started with a little Eeyore glittery pin. Then I decided I wanted every single Eeyore plushie on the planet and tried to achieve that:

Eeyores

Above is a photo of all my Eeyores and that photo is many years old. Granted, the obsession got expensive and I had to put my collection to a halt but it did grow after this photo. Those Eeyores are now in a plastic bag in my closet. I will take them out again some day. I do have my favorites still near me though.

I have been made fun of, per say, because of my “gloom” and “why does it always have to happen to me” attitude. I will admit, I have not taken on this attitude in a while as I try very hard, as of late, to remain positive and focused. But each bout of depression gets harder and harder to climb out of. The hole it resides in gets deeper and deeper and I find I’m clawing my way just to reach the light at the surface, only to be punched down again by some unseen circumstance or the utter feeling of loneliness.

I’m exhausted and tired. I’ve read of people being hospitalized because of actual physical exhaustion, but it is my heart that might get me hospitalized because my heart, is so tired. I don’t mean heart attack type tired. I just feel like its dormant, stagnant. Just there to keep me alive.

However, I definantly can’t be lying in a hospital. I have a kid to take care of.  I have to go to work or The Boy starves because I am the only bread-winner in our little family. I have to get up and keep the house or The Boy lives in squalor because there is no one else around to clean up for him. That kind of pressure is enough to make one collapse with guilt.

So just like Eeyore, I am still here. However, above me is the dark, gloomy and rainy cloud which constantly rains down its sorrows. I never see the sunshine. I don’t know the love of anyone special. I am alone and can only show The Boy how to NOT end up, as an Eeyore.

Some thoughts on my fur baby….

Close Up

I feel that I really have TWO children, a human one and a fur baby.

On Wednesday night, I had to leave my fur baby at my parents house, in a room. They have a pretty big 5 bedroom house and I had to shut him in one room with some toys, his litter and food, so that he didn’t wander the whole house because my mother really doesn’t like cats, and that is an understatement.

Neither the boy nor I slept well that night knowing that fur baby was not with us.

Thursday night, we went to pick him up and the cuddling and hugs commenced. I love that cat.

Last night, he was back in his place, at the foot of my bed, right on top of my clean laundry *giggles*

Growing up, I’ve never had a cat. We had dogs, many dogs. Hmmm these are the ones I can remember in the order we had them.

  • Duke the Great Dane
  • Pepper the mutt mix
  • Cotton Candy the fluffy terrier
  • A white one, I don’t remember the name or breed but I remember it looking like a Collie
  • Rocky the Boxer
  • Petey the Dachsund/Chihuahua mix (he liked to run away a lot)
  • Then we had Bailey the Dachsund which was around while the boy was a baby
  • And my sister’s fur baby, my fur Nephew, Castle

NEVER did I have one cat. They were not allowed. They, in my mothers eyes, are just as these cats are portrayed in Lady and Tramp.

“We are Siamese…if you Please…”

Oh…the dogs are the victims and the cats are the mean nasty conniving  felines right? Meh..

I had two cats in my marriage. One a female Abyssinian/Siamese mix. The other was a Male Abyssinian. I lost those in the divorce because I moved in with my parents (refer to the hatred of cats above), no cats allowed. I never saw those cats again. Makes me sad to this day. I eventually found out that my ex-husband sold them for $50 to some vet chick he knew. We bought those cats for about $700 combined.

But I thought about this and realized, as much as those cats were wonderful, I should not have bought from a breeder.

I was stuck in a cat hating house for 7 years until Spring of 2011 when God threw me into a situation that FORCED me to have to find my own apartment to get into a better school district for the boy. A month after I moved into my apartment, I was in the local Pet Smart and we were looking at the cats in their cages. I turn around and the boy is gingerly petting the soft  and furry underbelly of our current fur baby. I adopted him that day and we’ve loved him ever since. Oh he gets me mad (drinking from toilet and scratching my couch) but for the most part, the cuddling and meows I love.

Hence, I realized I do not ever want to be in my home without ALL my children with me, fur or human.

Nope.

OH and P.S. I love me some dogs to! Don’t get me wrong. I like all animals really. I mean I just got back from SeaWorld and can’t wait to go back!

And Baby Shamu Says…….

Mini Vaca…

Now the truth of it all…oh no toes to step on here.

In all honesty, I had a good time. The Sea World team members were all fantastic and super nice and friendly. In reality a lot more so than what I have seen in the Disney Parks lately.

The boy got to ride his first rollercoaster, Manta. And he official does not like rollercoasters.! SERIOUSLY! I do not BELIEVE this child came out of me, I am such a rollercoast junkie! Blegh….

But that is neither here nor there.

Here is my favorite photo of day:

Baby Shamu

Who doesn’t love a new 500 pound baby killer whale that can eat you in one swallow….awww…..

LMAO!

But it was all great. I got to dine with Shamu, sitting just feet from these huge beauties.  It really does leave one in awe. I encountered very few rude humans throughout the day which was a nice change. The Pets Rule show was my favorite show next to Shamu because who doesn’t love cats tight rope walking and leaping from high places!

Here is the Flickr Set of all the photos

Thanks!

“I kicked the cat in the head…..”

“I kicked the cat in the head…..”

We are going to Tarantino this again….

What made the boy say the above?

Let’s go back…Let’s go back…

The boy normally sleeps pretty hard and well through the night. He can be in bed at 8pm and not wake up until 7am the next day. He’s a good sleeper, like his mama.

But there are some nights when he does wake up from a dream and wanders over to my bed for comforting that I will never deny. He did just this last night.

SO this morning, I get up and go about my normal routine. I come back into my room and the boy is sitting up apologizing profusely to the cat.

The Boy: “I’m so sorry that I kicked you in the head”

Cat: “meow”

The Boy: “Mommy, I kicked the cat in the head alot with my Mickey Mouse Slippers

Me: “I can believe it. I kick him all the time but you know what? He doesn’t move and chooses to sleep where the humans’ feet are so he is fine with it. If he didn’t like it, he would move.”

That seemed to soothe the boy’s over whelming guilty conscience. Yet it somehow increased mine, as I know I must kick the cat every night, but that is where he chooses to sleep!

“We have a great little family….”

So…I’m going to Tarantino this post.

What caused my son to say: “We have a great little family”?

Let’s go back….Let’s go back….

So I’ve been super stressed the past few weeks and its been building up. Yesterday, was some of the icing on the cake. I say some because I’m sure more overwhelming events will be in the near future, until I reach the middle of April when all this dust will have settled and I’m preparing or already fully engulfed in, my next raging battle.

Yesterday, I was finding out that this move from one unit in my apartment complex to another is coming out to be pretty darned expensive. But I should be able to squeak by, barely, hopefully.

So last night, looking around my moving box filled house and the mess my kitchen is with all my dishes, tupperware and glasses waiting to be packed, all over the counter, and I realize, I do not want to cook anything tonight.

“Son, wrap up the cat and let’s go to Sonic”

That is what I said and that means we are taking the cat for a joy ride

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Or just going to Sonic and grabbing a bite while he meows in the back because he thinks I’m going to throw him out the sun roof.

I also got some errands done like dropping 2 boxes and two bags off at the Goodwill. The whole time having a meowing cat in the car while the boy tries to pet him calmly.

After errands, we pull up to the Sonic. We place our order, get it and eat…while the cat stares at us from the middle console between me and the boy.

That is when the boy says: “We have a great little family?”

Why yes, yes I guess we do. It was at that moment, for about 2.5 seconds I realized, I had no overwhelming worries, I had no financial problems or loneliness problems….I had a “great little family?”

In that aspect….I win!

BOOM!!! Ok…enough to see here..back to the reality that is work, financial stress, moving which is causing the financial stress as of late, and the frustrations of the California School Systems….

Come….follow me down the rabbit hole…

So I am gathering a following….tell me my friends…do you pick blue or red?

Blue or Red?

Red? Ok…here we go…

I’m a single mother, 36, so everything you see posted here, the hockey games, skating, Universal Studios visits, Disneyland visits, I do all by myself with the boy.

The boy is my son, he is 9.

I work Monday – Friday 8-5 at an office.

I do not have a husband as the last one I had and divorced 9 years ago not only confessed he never loved me (why did he marry me then?) but has never wanted to see his son. He hasn’t seen him since he was 1 year old….no Christmas cards, no birthday cards…do not pass go….do not collect $200. The father of my child can rot in hell for all I care.

BUT I love my child and that is the only thing that I thank his father for…nothing else.

Sometime, I just want to sit in front of my computer playing World of Warcraft and eating pizza….I do the former…the latter…I must stop because I’m trying to lose weight.

Any other questions just ask!