Frost…..bring on the Frost

My kid cracks me up sometimes.  As I was pulling out of my carport this morning, we both noticed at precisely the same time that my back window was outlined in pretty sparkling white frost just twinkling in the sunlight.  This was not surprising since it was about 25 degrees last night. (please remember…I’m from Sunny California where at this time of the year, it’s 70 degrees.)

We both announced our observation at the same time.

Sometimes, I adore how that kid and I are so closely connected especially mentally.  Probably more so than either of us realize.  Maybe that is why we frustrate each other a lot and argue a lot with each other but honestly, I don’t mind.  I just want to ensurethereporter-frostoncarwindow that I have a much different relationship with my child than I do with my own mother, no matter which direction of different it goes.

Because if he feels in ANY way the way I do about my mother, I’ve failed.

But regardless, Winter is Coming…..and we both can’t wait!

I tried to explain what my brain can’t process…

I had my sister over this past Saturday evening and the below commercial came on…..watch…

I laughed because the expression the father has as he goes to sit down then bounces right back up when he sees his son just did the stupidest thing ever……that expression can’t be explained in words.

I tried to explain this to my single, non-parent sister of age 35.  It wasn’t going to happen.  I just thank God it didn’t end in an argument which is usually how any conversations in current our relationship always seems to go lately.

I then found a great blog here and read this essay and I realized it would never be understood by those who weren’t playing the part.  I explained to my sister that the fathers’ expression and reaction was spot on by using the analogy of a skin cut.

Say you get a cut or a piece of your flesh ripped off. (Morbid I know but stay with me).  For the milli-second you feel nothing but see that your flesh is torn.  Then, the pain comes and in that milli-second where you felt nothing you do anticipate the pain coming but your brain can’t really process what you are looking at and what your are to expect.  It’s a mixture of brain overload.

That is this commercial.  I put myself in the shoes of these parents.  When the kid initially pulls out the table setting my brain would go…”NO!” then a full meal is on the floor. As he gets up and the mother stands there, staring, the brain is processing what the HELL just happened. Then in the next second you have a choice on how to react.

Now the commercial stops at the problem being solved by just ordering Domino’s. But it wouldn’t stop there for me.

I think I would lose all my shit on that kid.

And then I would feel like a shit afterwards.

But it is moments like this that the entry in the blog I referred to above relates to.  Moments like this actually have pushed my utter sanity to the very edge.  Moments like telling my kid who has a functioning brain for the 100th time to talk to his teacher about missing assignments.  Moments like hearing him argue with me back and forth like he’s about to win the O.J. Simpson case of a lifetime!

Then, I breathe.  Sometimes, I walk into my room, announce to him I’m closing the door to change and then sit on the lovely Paris bench at the foot of my bed and cry.  I cry like I’m about to swim in my own tears.  There is nothing more I can do.  I have gotten to the yelling point but it only makes me look like a woman gone mad.  So I walk away…and cry.  Which is what I’m sure that father who was one moment about to sit down to a nice family turkey meal would have done, had the commercial continue on.

This is something I try to explain to my single, non-parent sister of age 35 but it doesn’t get across.  I just get the look of confusion and judgement that….that one could not explain what they are feeling.  I believe even if she did have kids, those children would have been suppressed in so many ways since she is a type to not conform to life situation.

But then again, these are all assumptions. What do I know?

 

 

HE HAS BAD GRADES!!

Yup, that is all I heard being yelled at my son’s Cross Country Meet that he could attend but not participate in because of his grades.  Not only is this school no joke about grades and athletics (California schools can all go suck it) but they are really on top of it and strict about performance.image

The Boy had his first Life Lesson on learning about the consequences of being a slacker.

While he was still forced to ATTEND the meet….it was noticed by all, teammates and parents alike, that he was standing on the side lines. Hence….the title is all I heard.

“Yes…thank you for shouting that across the field little teammate…maybe you can shout it a bit louder??”

So then I wonder….why was I the one who was absolutely mortified to be his mother.  I wanted to crawl under a rock and not be associated with this loser of a kid. It was probably the first time I was utterly embarrassed to have him as a son. I’m sure it won’t be the last time.

However, all that changed because I will say that since then, he has missed three meets and by that I mean, he is at them, he just can’t participate. But today is the final meet and he actually brought his grades up enough to be able to participate. He brought one grade of a D up to a B+!!!  And all D’s are at C’s.  It’s just  Math that was in the F range for a while….but I’m working on that with him.  But still….I say that’s pretty awesome!

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So, he had to hang his head in the Cone of Shame for a while, as did I, by default,  but he roughed it out and got his shit together. That is what life is all about, right?

Let’s Break those Eggshells

I was just recently told by my ex-husband, who I have reconnected with, that he feels he has to walk on egg shells with me.  My mother has also told me this, as has my sister.  I have no feggriends but I’m sure they would feel the same way to.

Is this because I could explode at things said to me?  Maybe.  Or is it because people are just plain jerks with what they say or do that they all set me off?

How has it come that everyone decides to fall back on the “I walk around on egg shells with you” and “you have the problem, not me” instead of not admitting that they are just plain asshats.  I’m the nice one here.  I only bite when barked at.  I know of people who wake up in the morning ready for a fight, not caring who they tick off or if others around them live or die.  I believe I share blood with some.  I also share blood with those who don’t seem to have one ounce of common sense or human nature decency in their body.  I swear I don’t belong in this family.

I belong free.  I want to BE free.  I want to enjoy my son for Christ’s sake!  Without the “you are the worst mother in the world because you let your son WALK home from school and be home for 1 hour because YOU have to work!”

And yes….that is what I’m told…

Where are those metaphorical egg shells now, huh ma?

Oh and yes….still do not get along with that women…finally realized…I never will…ever.  She is everything I do not want to be in a mother.  She is everything that I try not to be, in a mother. That says enough.

So, please all…continue to walk on those eggshells.  Ask me if I give two fucks about it!

Yeah, can I just spend the rest of my life drunk?

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I know, bad title especially for those who do deal with drinking problems, but I really have to admit…these past few days I’ve just wanted to drink my existence into oblivion.

I’m so emotionally drained.  The cat threw up on Saturday but the reason why is unknown to me.  He may have eaten to fast or something.  He hasn’t thrown up again and is seeming to be doing fine.  He is VERY clingy to me now though.  Now, he only eats his dinner IN my lap, nowhere else.  I would feed him all meals in my lap if it would get him to eat and gain weight but I have to work and can’t.  So, only his dinners are in my lap, on the couch.  I will now have to work my evening schedule around lap feeding my cat.  What’s funny is if you knew this cat’s personality, being clingy and cuddly is NOT what this cat is about so the constant “I MUST be sitting right on your lap” attitude he’s adopted is new for me.  I like it, but then realize, it’s just another whiny, clingy living creature I have to contend with.

I also have to give him medications, twice a day.  Antacids, for the upset tummy and Antibiotics for the mouth infection.  Apparently, there is no easy way to give a cat medications through a syringe or dropper.  He fights me every time and sometimes, sprays the medication all over the place and me because he shakes his head.  This morning, I made the mistake of getting fully dressed for work BEFORE giving him his meds.  Let’s just say I had to change just before walking out the door.

The total cost for this whole ordeal, after 3 nights of hospitalization, the initial first visit and the two meds and special food: $916.00  I have no words….

Anyway, the other clingy, whiny creature I contend with is The Boy.  I swear, I love that kid to death but he seriously needs to just grow a pair.  Harsh, I know, but he whines and complains at every little scratch or bump.  He hit his head while playing soccer at school and got a sore in his mouth, where the ball hit him.  Now it’s whining and moaning every time he eats because it stings the sore.  I say suck it up kid!  You want to play ice hockey?  You gotta learn to suck it up!  Are you  bleeding? No.  Anything broken? No. Then suck it up!

I’m mean, I know but hell! I used to play volleyball with dislocated fingers and busted knees!  My coach would say “wrap that up and let’s go!  You’re our best setter!”

The Boy needs to suck it up….

On top of that, I had another riling verbal go at it with my mother and sister after church on Sunday.

My sister…I laugh at her sometimes.  Not because I’m making fun of her but because she is trying to hold onto the last dying hope that our mother will actually stop trying to control our lives and not have “selective amnesia” when it comes to things we say.  I’ve told my mother I do NOT like when The Boy interrupts our adult conversations just so he can get a game on her iPad or to get her to turn her mobile WiFi on.  He knows to NEVER do that with me nor when my sister and I our talking.  Yet, when my mother is there…he turns into a disrespectful little bugger.  It’s because she allows it.

So, apparently, my mother doesn’t remember the 50 times I’ve told her that I will not allow disrespectful interrupting from The Boy, even though my sister backed up pretty much each time I’ve told her, as she has heard me say it to our mother, multiple times.  Nope, I get a “You have NEVER told me that” from my mother.

It’s unbelievable…

Our mother is also pissed we aren’t going to a baby shower of a cousin we never see nor hardly even know.  The only reason this cousin haphazardly invited us, through our mother, is so she can get more gifts.  It’s so blatantly obvious.  Our mother wants us to go and why does she? Well, I would assume it would be to “show us off” per say.  Especially me, who has lost all kinds of weight.  Now, apparently, I look good enough for her to brag about it.  With my mother, it’s all about how we look to others.  So sad really.

So, my sister calls me yesterday evening, after that harrowing conversation we all had saying “why do I need to go somewhere because SHE wants me to”? I simply tell her “Uh…sweetie…you don’t.  You are 30 years old.  You can do whatever the hell you want.  I’ve been telling you this for years now”.  She knows that she needs to let go of trying to please our mother, as I have done many years ago.  She also needs to come to terms that our mother will always hand out the guilt trips when she doesn’t get her way and my sister needs to learn to just push away.  Being close to our mother is something my sister has always reveled in, compared to me, who has always tried to steer clear from getting to attached to her.  But I’ve told her, there is a REASON I keep my distance.  She may just have to learn the hard way.

She’ll soon see the whole picture for what it really is and understand why I deal with our mother as little as possible.

And with all this stress, I didn’t realize that I was ripping my fingers to absolute shreds.  My cuticles, every single one of them, are not now doused in antibiotic ointment and have a bandaid wrapped around them.  It got so bad that I couldn’t feel the tips of my fingers anymore.  I really need to get a hold of this disease.

Life is like being on a sailboat in a rough sea storm…

Good LORD this week should be labeled Bipolar Week.  My emotions are just ALL over the place.

Tuesday, was the parent/teacher conference where I was told my kid was basically failing everything and couldn’t focus.  I left the conference in tears.  I walked to the car and bawled.  I then had to compose myself and go to work.

red-eyes-blink-monsterI found out yesterday, from my older sister who has 2 kids, another parent from The Boy’s class and my co-worker that all their kids, did or are going through the same thing.  I guess kids just have no self control and no focus (naw…ya think?).  I shouldn’t be surprised really but still, that little red-eyed Monster creeps up behind me whispering the devilish words like “you are failing your child” and “you are a big failure at EVERYTHING you do…”.  I hate that Monster.

Tuesday night brought about a yelling match with my oh so stubborn 9 year old.  Ok, now, I KNOW he gets the stubbornness and the need to argue with everything from me but I really don’t believe, at his age, I was as outright mouthy as he is.  It’s not disrespect, as far as the content of what comes out of his mouth.  He just HAS to have the last word.  He just HAS to argue everything.

Sometimes I want to run out of the apartment, screaming…..

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But I can’t and I have to sit there, stare at him and resist the urge to beat him senseless.  Of course, I would never beat him….ever.  But Lord Almighty God in Heaven…that boy really wants to see if I would be tempted to.

Yesterday was a bit better.  We went to the family night book fair and he enjoys buying new books and I love seeing him read them.  He got an Adventure Time comic book and something about a dinosaur.  I was looking at all the girly stuff, sometimes wishing I had a girl to be all girly with…but then get snapped back into reality when I realize I probably couldn’t handle the dramatics of a girl, but still miss having a girl around.

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The Boy can give me some super Academy Award winning dramatics so I can only IMAGINE what a girl child of mine would give me!  Makes me shudder.  I know I suppress my Drama Queen genetics just as much as I suppress and fight my obesity genetics.  I most certainly got my fair share from the shallow end of the gene pool.  So The Boy…he is all me.  Honestly, I would rather The Boy have MY drama genetics than his father’s asshole genetics.

Anyway, his bearded dragon has been put on hold, indefinitely.  He moaned and groaned about that and I was torn to shreds seeing him hurt and crying (I really need to literally grow a pair of man balls to deal with this kid sometimes) but it had to be put on hold.  I could not fathom rewarding failing grades and disruptive behavior in class with a new pet.  I try not to be a pushover, and for the most part, I’m not, but to see him crying breaks my heart and then I find myself all up in tears and needing to just lie on my bed, in fetal position, crying buckets.

Oh and I yelled a lot.  He knows that when I reach the point of yelling…my patience is at it’s end and he should go run for the hills.  Although I don’t know why.  I still will never lay a hand on him.

Praying woman hands

So Dear Lord, I’m so done being a single mother now.  Can I please hand the reigns over to a man to help me with this boy of mine.  You didn’t give me a penis nor testosterone so can you send some of that over my way (in the form of a human, of course).

K Thanks bye!

It rarely happens, but I lost it….

Yup, I did.  Sometimes, I just want to rip my hair out when The Boy moans and groans and whines when I ask him to do something, especially something that doesn’t include staring at his phone or computer game.  Sometimes, he just ignores me completely and that will send me over the edge and madder than a March Hare.

Yesterday afternoon, I had enough.  He wanted to go swimming and of course, got his trunks on all on his own because when he WANTS to do something, he doesn’t need to be asked 100 times.  However, I had asked him for the 100th time to get off the stupid cell phone game and after I got ignored…I blew up.

I have a calender set up on the Fridge.  This calendar marks the day I will get him his Bearded Dragon.  On this calendar is a magnet which is on that day.  That magnet has been moved farther and farther away for almost the past month. Why? Well, that would be because one to many times, that kid acts like a little crap.

So, after I had to get loud about telling him to get off his game for the 100th time, he begins to talk back to me.

I calmly gave him a warning, no! I gave him several:

Frustrated Mother:  Boy, I highly suggest you shut your mouth now or you will regret the consequences.” (and yes, he knows what consequences means)

The Boy: “But I’m not doing anything!”

Frustrated Mother:  “Your mouth is open and words are coming out of it….close your mouth”

The Boy: “But I didn’t say anythi…”

Frustrated Mother: “Again, Boy, your mouth is moving and words are coming out.  Shut it”

The Boy: “But I’m not say…..”

I wonder where he gets his argumentive, persistent nature from?  Maybe he’ll be a lawyer?

Regardless, I was done.

I got up, walked right to that Bearded Dragon calendar, and ripped it to shreds.

I did not move the magnet even further.

I did not pass GO

I did not collect $200.

I ripped that fucker to shreds.

The Boy went ape shit.

I sent him to his room, slammed his door and said I didn’t want to see him right now.

10 minutes later, he’s knocking on his door, which means he wants to talk (not argue) and I told him he could come out.

Hugs and apologies were exchanged.  Me, for losing my cool and going on a ripping rampage and him for popping off his mouth.

I swear, that boy gets off lucky, though.  If I popped off my mouth when I was younger, I would see the back of my mother’s hand, then I would see stars for days.  Jeez….

I told him he cannot speak to me in that manner and said he still had to suffer consequences.  I gave him a choice.  He could either give up his afternoon of swimming for that day or he could say good bye to the Bearded Dragon calendar forever (and the Bearded Dragon).

I knew which he would pick.

A new Bearded Dragon calendar has been printed up and will be put back onto the Fridge tonight.

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Motivation….because only the prospects of owning a lizard can make a boy not act like a little shit

However, that magnet, which started at August 24, is now getting moved to September 28th.

I do wonder how long we will play the “Magnet Moving” game though?

15 years from now, you will be learning how to put on Ice Hockey gear…

If someone told my 21 year old self, in between glow sticking raves and drinking, that 15 years later, I would be on YouTube, learning how to properly put on Ice Hockey gear, my 21 year old self would have laughed and dropped another Shroom!

The Boy has progressed out of Hockey 1 lessons and his instructor told him he can start the Hockey Clinic given at the rink.  To start this clinic, which includes more lesson time and an extra 30 minutes of scrimmage, he needs to have full gear.

I went searching and ended up finding a nice man on Craigslist who was selling not only youth gear but a nice hockey bag to go with it.  I got every piece of gear required plus the bag for $75!

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Not actual gear but it was all this and some extras like the socks and elbow pads

When we got home I realized, I have NO idea how this gear goes on.  So I went to YouTube and a cute little hockey player showed me how to properly put the gear on The Boy.

He is so excited for lessons tomorrow he is bursting at the seams!  He won’t be starting the Clinic until October so he can get used to playing with his gear.

Once again, a new adventure in the World of Boys and yet another reason for me to thank the Lord that I did not have a girl because this is all to fun!

I dug poop out of the toilet

Yes, my friends.  You read that title correctly.

Yesterday evening, at around 7 p.m. pacific standard time, you would have found me digging poop out of our toilet and placing said poop into two containers.  Those two containers were then dropped off at a medical lab early this morning.

9a61c1ecd145242d2090e24ea3545002.image.400x302Apparently, it was time to actually go to the doctor to have The Boy’s stomach ache complaints looked at.  The doctor felt around and didn’t feel any inflammation or had any deep concerns.  The Boy needs to just stop scarfing down his food like a Dinosaur.  He needs to learn to slow down and chew and breathe when eating so he doesn’t swallow so much air.  It is more than likely gas.

However, the doctor wanted a stool sample done anyway.  So, just after leaving the doctor’s office, since I had already taken the afternoon off, I decided to take my chance at being a walk-in at the closest medical lab to get The Boy’s blood taken and urine sample.  I also received a “Stool Sample Kit” to take home.  The nurse explained to me what will be happening with this kit.

"I'm ready for your speciman..."

“I’m ready for your specimen…”

I place the tray on the toilet, The Boy just needs to poop in it.  Then, I dig into the poop with the spoons that are attached to the lids of the containers and put into the container enough poop to fill to the red line indicator on the container.

The whole time the nurse is explaining this to me I’m trying not to vomit.

She then gives me a urine sample cup.  The Boy, pees into the cup to fill it 1/4 and pees the rest on my hand and all over the toilet. That one almost sent me retching.

Then, The Boy gets his blood taken and did very well.  He was laughing as the needle was inserted into his arm and in awe at the red blood leaving his arm and filling up the two vials.  I’m now wondering if I should be concerned.  He was saying it was tickling.

Anyway, that was it and we took our stool sample kit and drove home.

I get home and place the plastic cup on the toilet and tell him if he needs to go, to just sit down as normal and go.  I go down to the workout room and walk for 30 minutes hoping he didn’t “go” but kind of  hoping he did so I could just get it over with.

I return from my workout to:

“Mommy, I went but MAN it really smells in there because I didn’t flush!”

Fantastic…I’m so excited about this…Toilet_-_Smelly

I turn the corner, down the hallway and yup, I’m hit with that stench.  My GOD what does this kid eat!

I quickly get the containers and just dive in wanting to get this over with!  I collect enough to fill the red lines in the first container, the smell and looking at this has my stomach in my throat.

I start to collect for the second container, digging into the brown log with the “spork” that is attached to the container lid.  At that moment, it breaks apart and the smell becomes overwhelming.

Lord Jesus give me strength!

I quickly grabbed the broken pieces and fill the second container to the red line.

I quickly screw on the caps to the containers tight, checking 3 times that the caps are securely fastened.  I place them in the plastic bag.  I am done.

Those two containers were dropped off early this morning and I now have yet another fascinating adventure that I never would have dreamed I would be a part of had I not become a Mother.

Lord Love a DUCK!

Aging Parents, graying hair and….London??

I was told some very profound information Sunday evening by my mother than makes me sad, angry and apprehensive all at once.  And once again, in her usual way, she kept it to herself only to pop it on my sister and I suddenly.

I have very little interaction on a regular basis with my parents as of lately.  Mostly because I’m so busy but mostly because I just try to stay away.

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My father is no where near as old as this man. My father is only 62. My boss is older than him as have been many bosses before.

Apparently, for a long time now, she has known that my father was officially diagnosed by his doctor to have pre-Dementia.

Here is why this was VERY disconcerting for me.

I drop The Boy off at their house, during the summer, on Monday’s and Friday’s.  I did know that he and my dad go on bike rides together, without my mother supervising.  I know that they play outside a lot but the bike rides concern me.  I may have to make changes on where I take The Boy on Monday’s and Friday’s.  But it is only for the next few weeks.

Within the past year or two my father had not one, not two, but THREE, albeit minor, fender benders while driving WITH The Boy with them in the car.  This happens because he tends to zone out and forget he’s driving!  Or he’ll back into something that he forgot he saw there and claim he never saw it.

I don’t even know why I let it get to three.  I’m dumb, but I finally I told my mother that he was no longer allowed to drive with The Boy in the car with them.  Hell, if she didn’t mind risking her life because my father kept zoning out while driving and would swerve and drive irradicaly that was her choice.  Mine was to keep The Boy safe.

After a HUGE fight from my father (who was already showing fast signs of forgetting and terrible speech composition), I basically said, “This is what I say, I am The Boy’s mother and as that I don’t CARE that I’m still YOUR daughter, you do what I ask or you don’t get to see your Grandson.”  Maybe not in so many words but they got the point.

My mother now drives when The Boy is with them.

But that was a while ago.  Fast forward to today, I now have other concerns regarding his driving abilities.  My sister and I firmly believe that now, he should not be allowed to drive at all. Period.  For the most part, my mother does drive everywhere, however, with her recent knee surgery she can’t drive as much.  My sister and I have told her that his driving should start to be pulled away from him.

For instance, last week, on Monday, he had a doctor appointment in a city 20 miles away and three different freeways away.  My mother couldn’t drive him and my son was there with them that day.  She let him drive on his own.  She was stressed and worried the whole time.  Thank God, he did return but when she asked him about his appointment, or what the doctor said, he remembered nothing.  She then asked him how the drive was….and his answer?

crickets_chirpingThe man didn’t remember any part of it.  OR he was just being stubborn and didn’t want to answer.  Either way, WTF!  If he really didn’t remember driving at all and was “zoned” out the whole drive, which is what he does when driving, God is the one who drove for him!  I told my mother than if she isn’t up to driving him to call either my sister or I.

And yes, I get very upset at BOTH of them for their lack of foresight and seeing that a scenario like the above could have ended VERY badly.  Worse case, he crashes, kills not only himself but many others, the family of the others decide to come after US and sue us for everything because, we, as the family, KNEW (at least my mother did) he was diagnosed with Dementia and still allowed him to drive because she was to fucking PROUD to call me or my sister for help!  My mother would lose their big 5 bedroom house, my father’s Pension and retirement; even my sister and I could be affected.

Of course that is worse case scenario and I may be over dramatizing it a bit but, that is how I think sometimes.  Let’s just prevent a worse case ANYTHING from the start.

And now, she is slowly recovering from her knee surgery and trying to be mobile again.  She is not 100% and cannot be as alert as she used to be.

When she told me that yes, his doctor has already diagnosed him with pre-dementia, I got a bit angry because I believed that my sister and I had EVERY right to know this.  More myself than anyone because I leave The Boy in their care.

I am not surprised in this least by this news though.  Lately, my father has taken to just sitting on the couch and staring at a wall like he’s trying to remember what he was doing.  He will start projects in the house that he never finishes or even remembers starting.  For instance, he will start re-wiring a tv unit, then leave all the wires and tools about, walk away, and never return because he has forgotten he was in the middle of the project.

The speech has become so much more worse as time as gone on.  He no longer can put two words together.  I want you to say right now “Go Fish”…did you say it?  How hard was that to say?  He can’t put two words as small as that together.  He stumbles and mumbles and stutters words that don’t even sound like what he is trying to say.

What’s worse, he is VERY angry about it all.  God save us if any of us mention that they don’t understand him or ask him why he’s staring at a wall or even if he needs help with anything.  I know my interactions with him are null and void and down to pretty much a “hi” and a “bye”.  Mostly because, I just don’t want to get him frustrated or mad that he can’t communicate but more because it just hurts to see him struggle with the words, even the small ones.

His anger is mostly towards my mother and I’ve never seen it sent towards myself or The Boy (and believe me I ask him).  When he gets angry he will take to just walking out of the house, no matter what the hour is.

Just recently, he got angry because my mother told him in a “I told you so” kind of way that he shouldn’t have wired the tv cable a certain way.  He left the room, and my mother assumed he was getting a tool or something.  After waiting 30 minutes, she begins to worry because he seemed like he was just going down to get tools.  She goes downstairs to find him sitting on the couch, staring at a wall.  She asks what he’s doing, he says “You think I’m stupid”.  blue-door-feet-598005-o-646x363She may have said something else, I don’t know because she is the one telling me this story and he gets mad and walks out of the house, at 1p.m in 105 degree weather wearing long black jeans and a long sleeved black t-shirt (he never wears shorts or anything not black or long sleeved no matter what the weather).  It’s 105 degrees outside.  She said he was gone for hours but finally returned.

This happens a lot and can be in the middle of the night or whenever.  One thing that worries me about this is a) he could forget suddenly where he is if he’s just wandering around the streets or even worse b) a police officer can see him, question him (which would make him flustered and make the slurring speech worse), realize that he’s slurring and mumbling his speech and think he’s either drunk or on something and arrest him and that would get him angry and he would make it worse.  Again, I’m throwing out the worse case scenario but there it is!

I know she is losing her patience to.  She can be cruel sometimes and just eggs him on even if that is a part of her personality.  I’m not surprised at all because she is in a “whoa is me” attitude because she wanted to travel in her golden years and sit by her swimming pool with all her many many grand kids as they play in the water and back yard and all kinds of people come to visit.

She can’t travel as it would throw my father off balance as he doesn’t adapt to new places well.

She has no pool.

She has only 1 grandkid who she barely sees.  And no one visits her.

I know that she is jealous of my sister and I and the freedom we can have.  My sister will be visiting our other sister (from my father’s first marriage) in Montana and the guilt trip she gave my sister was laughable.  Even my sister just rolled her eyes at her and said, “Flight leaves on the 19th, K thx bye!” 

“But out of the ashes comes the Phoenix”

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What I mean is…my sister and I are really getting super close now and that is nice.  She just lost her job of 6 years, 2 weeks ago.  She’s  been helping me out with The Boy a lot so i don’t have to rely on my mother anymore.  She knew she was going to get laid off from her job eventually, she just didn’t know when.  She said when she did she would move and I always told her, I would be right behind her and now, she is SERIOUSLY thinking of moving…..to London!!!

Collage from Wikipedia

Collage from Wikipedia

WTF!

But in all honesty I would be all for it.  I’ve always said that I would up and move anywhere at any time.  It would be such an adventure!

I would do it…

Anyway, in other news, I dyed my hair finally after a few months of greys growing in.  It’s a lovely raven black again and now longer and with the Stout Lush shampoo combined with the cream conditioner the dye package had, it flows like silk in water.  Or so I wish? LOL  But no really it does and I love the black color.  I’ve been black for many many years after trying every color that natural hair comes in.  The blond was the worse.  I looked like a washed out doll.

Tonight….Disneyland for the evening!  And my sister is joining me even though she can’t get in, she can stay in Downtown Disney with The Boy while I get my Tower of Terror fix!

I’m gonna be kid free tomorrow night!

Now, I’m thinking about what the heck I will do with myself!

I get kid free nights about 3, maybe 4 times a year.  My sister lost her job so she doesn’t have to get up for work and offered to pick The Boy up from Summer Camp on Thursday and he can spend the night with her.  I do have to get up for work on Friday or I would head out to Disneyland to ride the BIG kid rides that The Boy never wants to ride.  But if I did that, I wouldn’t leave there until midnight and going to bed at 1 a.m. to get up at 7 the next morning doesn’t work for me.

97704-pink-moscato2Or I could drink to much bubbly Moscato wine and see if there are any movies on my Video on Demand or maybe play my Wizard game, all by myself.  I do almost have my Life Wizard up to cap level 90.

Or I could go see World War Z, a movie I know my sister would not be interested in and would not go with me to see even though I went to see Star Trek: Into Darkness with her (a movie I had no interest in let alone wanted to pay ticket prices to go see)  JUST so she wouldn’t have to go to the movies alone, something she refuses to do but was torn and begging me to go with her because she wanted to see her Benedict Cumberbatch in Star Trek.

But that was actually a good thing….the man was super yummy to watch on the big screen….Ladies, enjoy!

I wished I could drink to much then head to see World War Z but that may be frowned upon since I would have to drive to the theater.

But now I kind of understand why I hate kid free nights.  Makes me wish I had a husband so that there would be NO reason to want to leave the house at all, if you get what I mean.

*sigh*  It’s not fair.

Sore Throat, Loose Pants and the One “A”

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Yes, King of the North, perhaps you have

I’m still recovering over the latest episode of Game of Thrones. Unbelievable…..

Anyway, just before going to bed on Sunday night, I noticed that it was difficult to swallow. Like every time I did swallow, it’s like there was this knot in the way that got pushed over. It’s been that way since Sunday night. Just very hard to swallow. I’m guessing I have a very sore and inflamed throat but if it doesn’t go away, I might have it checked. I avoid the doctor or the ER or Urgent Care at all costs because every time I visit, it ends with them finding something wrong and I just don’t have time for anything wrong.

In other news, I FINALLY put on one of my tighter pairs of pants after they had been washed and what do you know, they are actually looser. Usually, after I put on pants that have just been washed they are super tight. But they were not as tight as I remember and I wasn’t getting “belt” marks around my belly from the waist being so tight. Small accomplishments.

I finally got a look at The Boy’s report card. His last day of school was last Thursday and he brought home is report card that day but it was buried under all kinds of arts and crafts that I had to dig for it. I finally did that and had a look. Some back story, he’s been struggling with his grades since 1st grade (there is a BIG story behind his 1st Grade nightmare at a particular Private Christian School…maybe another post).  He just can’t focus and gets distracted easily (I was that way to as a child). 

However, he’s in an awesome school and they provided him separate speech and reading sessions this year. So, his final grades for his 3rd grade year were ok but better than in the past. All C’s except a D in Math (ok gotta work on that a little more next year, was concentrating on reading and spelling).Grumpy-cat_-good

Then the big surprise…an “A” in Science…mkay, I guess I know what HIS favorite subject is. I know he likes anything space and rocks and how the earth works.  He likes it enough to get the one “A” on his report card of “C”s.

So I’m ok with the “C”s.  Especially, when I see he does have an isolated talent, which is Science.

I really had nothing to talk about…

This past week has actually been very rough.  I really didn’t have anything meaningful to write about all week.

I was going through yet another valley but it was like I just didn’t want to do anything and was forcing myself to just get up to take The Boy to school and work. Luckily, my job is mostly independent work at my desk so I don’t interact with a lot of people much, which is good.

I’m feeling a bit better though, especially since the weight keeps falling off and I really don’t feel deprived. I will admit, it is coming off slower than I remember it used to in the past. That might be because I’m older now or I’m not exercising as much but it’s still coming off. I could eventually turn this into a life time thing. I must resist bread and make better choices when eating out.  Earlier this week, my office when to The Cheesecake Factory for lunch and I ordered the mushroom burger but with no buns and instead asked for two pieces of lettuce. The waiter knew exactly what I was talking about and even called it by its proper name, Protein Style. Also, instead of the fries, I asked for the small green salad option. So this kind of eating is not uncommon amongst the masses. That gives me more room to relax and just enjoy eating out.

Tonight, it’s another Disneyland trip. We haven’t been there in a few weeks. Since I get off work early today, we can get a head start and have an extra hour this evening to see how much we can get done. These Friday night Disneyland trips are becoming sort of mini challenges. It turns into a “how many rides CAN we actually ride in a 3-4 hour period”.  Some nights, we can ride up to 4 major rides in the night. Some nights, we end up going to one park, determining it’s to crowded, head to the other park and just do Mad T Party and Ride Monster’s Inc. a few times. Either way, it’s still fun.

Nevermind that…it’s the most dreaded 24 hour event at Disneyland tonight. Blegh….I don’t like the super big crowds that these events can produce…..great…now to have to tell The Boy we aren’t going.

Tomorrow, I take The Boy down to Long Beach. I reserved a hotel room there through Hotels.com and we will swim in the pool or just play around in the room jumping on the beds while watching t.v.

Photos by A. Reitsma/Aquarium of the Pacific website

Photo by A. Reitsma/Aquarium of the Pacific

Sunday, it’s a trip to the Aquarium of the Pacific there in Long Beach. I haven’t taken The Boy there since he was about 3 years old. I saw them on the news this week advertising their Ocean Exploration exhibit. They were showing some glowing fish with bright white eyes that live in the dark. They were called Flashlight Fish. It was pretty cool.

But what I, personally want to see is the Penguin Exhibit. I love me some Penguins!

It’s better than staying home. I stayed home last weekend and even though it’s nice to sometimes just sit and stare at a wall, The Boy gets cabin fever quickly and it isn’t quite hot enough yet to get out to the non-heated pool.  I had to think of something to do this weekend, especially since it was a long weekend.

Why does asking for help always come with strings….

I had to do it. Because of my move, and needing to put down a deposit for the new apartment and so on, it is going to take me a while to get back on my feet. I’m not destitute, I am just depleting my savings account again and that irritates me.

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The strings…are sometimes to much drama to bare…..

But I made the decision of asking my mother to pay for skating lessons for the month of May. This would be the first time I’ve asked for this. I try very hard to avoid asking for anything because each time I do, it comes back to haunt me.

Sometimes, asking for things doesn’t come with a price. Sometimes, the ravings in the form of “you aren’t getting The Boy what he needs” never happen. Then sometimes, they do. And they mostly occur, when she has helped me in some way. It’s like my outer shell has been removed and she can see the soft under belly of my vulnerablity and begins to stab at it with her “ha ha you can’t do it…” taunts.

Blegh…..

The Boy starts his actual hockey lessons next week. He passed his beginning skating classes and I was told by the instructor he can move onto the Hockey 1 class.  I just need to get him a helmet. The instructor told me that a helmet is not required but that just for safety he can wear a bicycle helmet (which he does have). I do intend to get him an actual hockey helmet. It’s just that money is tight and I don’t get paid again until next Friday.

My mother flips out about my intention to wait a week or so for the helmet.

Her dramatics are really becoming unbearable. It’s hard to explain in typed out words but its her face. For instance, just because I was going to use a bike helmet for ONE lesson she gets this worried look on her face like I just told her I was feeding the kid JD in his milk! Like I just told her he is dying, or something like that. She really thinks it’s the end of the world.

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It’s drama at its best. And it also tends to show its face way to much fo rme.

And the way she thinks that she is my child’s mother really just needs to stop. Although, this will never surprise me. I’m so easily overlooked by all my family, I really doubt they know I exist.

And of course, just the day before I asked my sister to take The Boy Friday night so I could just get some things done and go to my Doctor appointment without having to drag him along and I soon recanted that for fear of more vulnerability being shown on my part. I just hope that The Boy can be patient through the appointment and keep from being flappy gumbs and telling the whole family I’m going the medical route with weight loss, something they would probably not approve of and put me down for. I just don’t need to deal with that drama to.

So, I will now deplete my savings utterly and totally and just pay for the May lessons. The price of getting help is far worse than a $0 balance in my savings account, which is not to unfamiliar to me.

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I can’t show weakness with them. I can’t show that I, as a human being, need a break.

Oh because, you know, my mother raised her children with no help and no breaks..right? Hmmm yeah…not exactly how I remembered it. I remember bouts of mental explosions, manipulations and a mother who seriously needed to be on medications.

I’m not saying I’m not susceptible to any of that but I darned sure try to be more in control of my out bursts than she ever was. I certainly don’t want my son remembering me as a mother who would yell, hit, act crazy and do crazy things. (I am not this way, but my mother, was a different story).

I also want The Boy to remember a mother who would tell him “I’m so very proud of you” on a regular basis. Because I certainly am and I told him just this last night, on the drive home from his practice.

I have yet to ever hear that from my own mother. Hugs and kisses and “I love you” is rare to non-existent.

Anyway, I’m rambling. The bottom line is…it is not life or death if the boy has a helmet at his practice next Tuesday as the instructor said it wasn’t necessary. But apparently, I’m the world’s worst mom (according to my own) if he doesn’t have one.

I’m really tired of dramatics…

“At least I aimed it the other way!”

I bring you, another of my Tarantino entries….

What made The Boy say:

“At least I aimed it in the other way!”

Let’s go back…Let’s go back….

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The following is what I guess I have to look forward to when raising a boy.

My parents came over to visit. We were all sitting on the couch watching America’s Funniest Home videos. The Boy is sitting on my mother’s lap.

Out of no where, he very quickly quickly gets up and steps away about 2 feet then turns his back towards the open sliding glass door, all of this, only a few feet from us, he bends down, kinda half way at the knees and….

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The Boy farted….

Then he laughs…

I know the look I gave him…it was kinda like…

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It was embarrassing because it was like I was raising him in a barn!

I yell his name in shock and horror….

And he says:

“At least I aimed it the other way!”

Then I laughed…I laughed and laughed. I couldn’t help it! It was kinda funny. But I was laughing because he never does that…

And hey, at least he got off my mom’s lap. He meant well.

LOL

I was surrounded by small people and furry animals

Well, actually only one of each in those categories.

I have been having trouble sleeping lately. I finally nodded off last night around 1:30 a.m. and for me…to get less than 8 hours of sleep a night pretty much sends me into the depths of an abyss of hell that no one ever wants to go to.

I.need.sleep.

I was sleeping pretty hard after I did fall asleep. So hard that I did not notice that The Boy had climbed into my bed due to a bad dream. When I did realize that he was there, it was 30 minutes before my alarm was to go off.  I go to flip over and there is a small human there.

Hmmm…ok,” I tell myself. I will flip over to the other side….uh…nope. There is a small furry animal known as a CAT laying on my other side.

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I was surrounded and having three bodies, feline or human, on my small full sized bed was not a combination made for being comfortable.

Luckily, I needed to get up anyway.   It didn’t matter that it was 30 minutes before my alarm was to go off. What is 30 minutes of more sleep….uh huh.

I’m not really a female, I HATE shopping

I do.

I hate, despise and loathe shopping of any kind. Whether it be for clothes, shoes, food or whatever, I hate it.  If I had a boyfriend or husband they would NOT be holding my purse while I go in the dressing room to try on 10 different outfits.

I would rather have a damned beer and watch hockey! Or play a video game. Or even better….have sex…are all freakin’ four at the same time!

(yeah, even I wonder why I’m not some geek/nerd/sports fanatics’ dream come true)

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Anyway, my routine is that every other wednesday, I go grocery shopping. That is something I have to do because, unfortunately, eating is not an option.

I load up the eCoupons onto my Ralphs card, gather as many paper coupons as I can and then get to this daunting task. I know the lay out of the Ralphs by my house so I can get in and out of there fairly quickly even if my list is pretty big. I usually start at the fruit section, then cheese, drinks, snack, household, cat food and so on until I’m at my final destiantion, the frozen beef.

I usually lose control of The Boy back up at snacks. He starts bouncing all around, smashing into other people’s carts which stimulates the flood of apologies from me until I finally get to the “BE STILL!!!!” part of our shopping trip. Hence, why I like to keep shopping trips short.

But you better believe that I threw a bottle of this into my cart. I knew I would need it later…

Some of this, in my Coke Zero...and all is well

Some of this, in my Coke Zero…and all is well

Due to my move, I hadn’t gone full grocery shopping in a month.  To give a picture of it, before I scanned my Ralphs card and applied coupons, the total was well over $300.

I ended up saving $88 on this trip after Ralphs card and coupons.

But I think the most strenuous part of last night was having to lug all those bags up a flight of stairs for the first time. I live in an upstairs unit now. For the past 2 years I lived in a downstairs.

I really felt that at one point, my heart was going to explode in my chest.

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From Disney’s Sword in the Stone – The Wolf who wanted to eat Arthur/Wart (If you don’t know what I’m talking about look it up on youtube..its a great movie. A Disney Classic)

Regardless, I did save $88. In the past, I have saved up to $120 on grocery shopping trips before but it really depends on what I buy and what coupons I can snag.

After all that, I did recieve good news in my mailbox that wasn’t a  bill. I’m getting $420 of my $600 deposit back from my previous apartment. Pretty good and I could use it right now to tie up loose ends. Now I just wait for the actual check, which I should get within a week.

I turned in the keys and moved onto the next chapter in my life

During my lunch today, I drove to my leasing office and turned in my two apartment keys, mailbox key, pool key and workout room fob. I will get charged for the parking permit which I lost a while ago. Ah well.

On the way, a Busy Bee decided to join me for a short while.

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FYI – there is a closed window between that bee and this non-zoomed cell phone photo. That is the only way I stayed calm.

I was trying to imagine what his poor little bee brain was thinking as the wind was threatening his hold on my window. For about 10 seconds, he held on tight. But alas, the wind blew him away.

Good Bye busy bee. May your flight lead you to the flower of your dreams.

I went into my old apartment one last time

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It was bizarre for me to see it all empty.

For the past 2 years, this is where my son and I have lived, yelled, laughed, played video games, tickled the cat and it is where I created a home.

For 2 years I cooked meals in that kitchen and did thousands upon thousands of loads of laundry in that crappy apartment washer and dryer.

For many Sunday evenings, I would sit in that living room screaming at my TV as yet another person got eaten by a Walker and when my favorite character died in Downton Abbey.

Back in late February, I was tossing around the decision to transfer units to get an upstairs and get away from the couple above me who liked to be really loud during their sex-capades, even after being told by the leasing office to keep their sex noise down (after I complained, of course). After The Boy heard them one morning…my decision was made final.

*dear neighbor upstairs, My son really doesn’t need to hear you smacking your girlfriend’s ass multiple times and then the sound of her very loud “O” face. If you want to be loud with your dominatrix bedroom escapades, go buy a fucking house*

Some.people.are.gross.

Then the moving process began and I was thrown into the worse month of my life which included moving, preparing for The Boy’s birthday and a Sea World weekend trip.

That is done and now, I say goodbye to an empty apartment that was my home for 2 years and hello to a new chapter and fresh new apartment.  Although it look EXACTLY the same as the old one, minus one bathroom.

The moving…is done! (and a shameless plug)

As of yesterday, I am moved completely out of my old apartment and fully into the new one.

The break down of this move, from the time I decided it, until now, was one of the most trying things I’ve done yet, as a single mother and pretty much on my own. After realizing that I was going to be pretty much on my own, I decided to just throw myself into it.

Saturday involved my cousin and his friend helping with the big items (dining table, hutch, two bed frames, two desks and a dresser) and wow did they come through! I’m very proud of them and wished I could have given them more money.

They did most of this themselves because I had a Verizon tech in the apartment and had to stay in there with him so I was unpacking just to keep busy. But I didn’t intend on being out of the moving process at all.

I sold my sofa the day before the move and just in time because I really didn’t want that ugly sofa anymore and I didn’t want them to have to move it. I’m buying a new one today.

My parents and sister did come over that day to help, I will admit this. However, my sister helped by taking The Boy for a hair cut not moving much of anything. I could have used her car for boxes when I moved almost 40 of them the Saturday before BUT, I’m used to this kind of thing.

Saturday night, after all moving was done, I had fully intended on showering and passing out, but just minutes before I was going to shower, I got a knock on the door. It was apartment maintenance saying there was a leak in the building and all water was being shut off. My shower would not happen.

I passed out.

Sunday, was shower first, then unpacking and getting food in the fridge. Done and done and done!

So now, I am in an upstairs unit. I have a large balcony where my patio furniture is going and where The Boy claims he will be eating all his dinners from here on out. We are down to one bathroom which he doesn’t like because now we have to share. And the bathroom itself is kind of really small.

My room shrunk a lot as well. I barely fit my full bed and desk in there. Before, I could fit the full bed and desk, side by side. Not now. And I HATE that the closet doors have mirrors. Great…so that when I get up first thing in the morning and I’m groggy and look over and see something staring back at me, I can have a nice “Good Morning” heart attack each morning until I realize its just my reflection. I look forward to that.

I believe I got a slightly bigger kitchen, or its an optical illusion because there is no bar blocking the view of kitchen and living room. But the dining room back wall shrunk.

And I finally have a dryer that dries. The other one would take 3 cycles to dry anything and that made for very long nights up waiting for laundry to dry.

I’ve also met alot of the neighbors. The people seem to be more friendly on this side of the apartment complex. Its a pretty big apartment community. There is a single mother below me with a boy just the same age as my boy. I met a woman with a barking chihuahua across the way from me. And I also met a woman and daughter who lives on the other side of the wall behind my kitchen.

The cat is still adjusting. He was a bit rattle from the new settings. Even though, the apartment looks JUST like the old one, minus a bathroom. But I’m sure to him it smells different. But he was acting a bit weird y esterday. Like hiding behind the fridge and meowing….I didn’t know where he was but I heard him. It was like he was in the 5th dimension or something….That one wierded me out a bit

5th Dimension Kitteh

He has found his perches up on the window sills and I believe he is enjoying being high up, where he can see it all. Also, he has not tried to escape by opening the screen door at all. Maybe its because he realizes there is no escape if he does get it open and gets out. Unless he wants to fall 15 to the ground. And as I told The Boy, if he is willing to do that, then he really hates us and we should all just move on. But I’m glad to report, he has not tried to escape and doesn’t hate us.

I was just happy to have had my internet and cable up and running (thanks Verizon tech who came out on Saturday to install it because I couldn’t install it all myself, because the apartment apparently rips out ALL cords from the boxes and walls and leave nothing for the next tenant to use). That means I was able to lay in my bed and watch Game of Thrones last night. VERY good episode BTW…..(last scene had me going “OH MY GOD ACK!)

And yes, Eeyore did help me move. In his own little way…..I  hope to get out to Disneyland on Friday night, to check out the Iron Man Exhibit.

Lastly, I would also suggest to any of  you who have small children or just read children’s books or just tell your friends and family and local libraries, to check out this children’s book at Amazon.com . This kids’ book was illustrated and written by two of my very talented relatives. They are very excited to have the book, just a few days ago, go live on Amazon.com. Thanks!

Depression almost won this battle….

But it’s a constant war.

The past few weeks I have not been feeling good.  

“are you tired, run down, and listless?"

“are you tired, run down, and listless?”

Why yes Lucy I am although I’m not sure a spoonful of Vitametavegamin will help….(one of my favorite episodes BTW). I had to insert some humor into this entry. But I am just plain exhausted.

It is mostly because of this move. The sadness that no one will help me move boxes, causing me to move them on my own, which I did and am done with thanks to a fantastic Boy who is my hero!  That kid is really turning out to be my best bud. I’m not longer the mother of a baby, toddler, or even little boy. He will be a tween soon enough.

I even got the “oh sorry, I’m to busy with school to help you” from my sister. Now, I understand, school can be tasking and take up a lot of time. However, if a loyal sister had enough time to spend a whole day watching Season 3 of The Walking Dead, a loyal sister can take 1 hour to help move boxes.

That one hurt me to the core as I realized, that my sister and I are just never going to be on the same page as I would have stopped all and made time to carve out an hour or two to help her. I’ve done it before, I am sad she couldn’t do that same.

Yesterday, I didn’t go to work. Mostly because I was exhausted, physically, which lead to mentally. I dropped The Boy off at school in the morning, came back home, watched Game of Thrones then slept from 9am until 2:30. I woke up in time to eat a little something, then pick up The Boy and was in bed at 10pm.

I.was.exhausted.

I just want to sleep…But Motocross seems like a pleasing alternative

So I finally open my eyes around 10:30 and there is The Boy standing there. The first thing out of his mouth is “if you didn’t wake up by 11:30 I was going to wake you up

I had never heard him say this before as he knows even attempting to wake me up will result in the most pissed off he’s ever seen me be.

Until I remembered “Ah yes, we are going to Nuclear Cowboyz this afternoon.”

I got tickets through my employer who has Suite seats at the local arena for just about any event happening there and I get them sometimes.

So now I’m attempting to get ready as every muscle in my body screams because of the lack of loyalty to me which resulted in me having to move boxes on my own.

The cool mom in me says “But hey, don’t I get the coolest mom award for actually getting Motocross tickets and actually kinda looking forward to it.”

The old woman in me says “I’m sure it will be loud.”

I’m also the mom who took The Boy to WWE back in January.

I guess I really have taken on the job of Mother and Father because I know I will be out there cheering along! I love this kind of stuff!

Photos will follow, you better BELIEVE my Canon is coming with me.

This is what happens…when The Boy takes my Canon

I sleep in on weekends. At least I try to.

Sometimes, when I’m still sleeping, The Boy will take my Canon SLR and this, is the result:

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I’m assuming since Orange Domo was assaulting Pink Domo with the scissors in the end, I think the Orange Domo won.

The following pictures have lead me to believe my cat really favors the other male in the family. I can not get this cat to sit still or pose for me at all when I’m photographing him. Or maybe my kid IS better than me at photography! Ha!

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Ontario Reign Fight for the Kelly Cup

I’m telling you, sometimes, I feel like the person I was 15 years ago is no where NEAR the same human I am now. The woman I was 15 years ago would NEVER have thought of ever going to a hockey game. Well look at me me now!

I was able to snag some tickets to attend Game 2 of the Fight for the Kelly Cup. Ontario Reign (that is Ontario, California, not Canada) vs. Utah Grizzlies. I’ve been going to Ontario Reign games since the season started in October. It was then that The Boy instantly fell in love and demanded skating/hockey lessons. Those lessons commenced very soon after our first game.

Note: The games I go to are ECHL not NHL. I haven’t been able to get to an NHL game yet. Maybe next year.

Tonight’s game was fun! Score was 7-2 Reign! I’ve been going to these games since last October and it is like a whole other world has opened up. I’m learning so much about the game. And of course, The Boy has just about perfecting his skating skills and will most likely be moving onto hockey lessons next month.

At tonight’s game, we has ice seats. No zoom needed for these photos! (Click photos to enlarge)

Click to Enlarge

Right in front of me

Plenty of Mascots were around. I’ve grown to love this Dragon. His name is Blaze and he sometimes enjoys my Duffy the Disney Bear for dinner!

Blaze thinks Duffy is a snack! Put the Bear down slowly….and no body gets hurt!

They like to come down and bang on the  glass

And shake hands with fans

Goal!

See…Goal!

Goalie action

Lots of contact

And there was definitely some fighting….

But in the end, Ontario Reign Wins!

Sure, we got home late and The Boy went to bed 1 1/2 hours past bed time but we had FUN! We always do! I will be sad to see the season end.

But thank you, Ontario Reign, for helping my son grow a love for hockey and feeding that love. I hope he gets to play on your team in 10 years!

Maybe Eeyore will help me move into my new apartment

I have boxes stacked all over my apartment. They are going up the walls, stacked high. I have not received one offer of help from anyone in my family.

Well, I lied. I realized that I could not physically move the big items such as my dining table, hutch, beds, and entertainment center. So I got my mother to ask her cousin if her son can help with the big items in 2 weeks. He was enticed with the offer of cash, which is no problem. He’s a good kid and always willing to work odd jobs for a few bucks. I respect that.

However, the boxes and all the little random items that are in shelves, cabinets and closets are all getting moved by myself and my 9 year old.

I’m so physically exhausted and a bit disappointed that neither my sister nor parents have offered one bit to help. Granted, the offer of help was mentioned in passing. Something along the lines of “oh we will help you with you the pathfinder (SUV) to move all the boxes.” But then my aunt’s funeral came around and I was put on the back burner, as is the normal process of my life.

Now, please don’t get me wrong. I am in no way blaming the funeral of my aunt. That was a hard loss for all of us. What I am saying is that this is always how it happens. I’m next in line to get SOME kind of attention from anyone in my family or anyone in general, then something else, of higher importance takes over. Whether it be a funeral, wedding or just my sister demanding for me to help her hook up with someone she had a huge crush on 8 years ago, through Facebook. Oh I helped her do that but never, in the process of helping her, did she offer to help me.

This is just the way my life has gone. I have never felt important to anyone. Not even my own mother. Everytime I call her, some random person in her family or something is pulling her attention away from the few moments I get. This could be selfish thinking on my part, I know. But it just seems that something is always more important that me in regards to the people who are supposed to love me.

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imagesCA6XTF4FThis may be why Eeyore is the 1st on a list of 4 of my favorite Disney characters. I can relate to Eeyore and the plight that he goes through. Eeyore is known for walking around with a dark, rainy cloud constantly following him and raining on him. He lives in his Gloomy Place in the Hundred Acre Wood.

He builds his house of sticks which gets knocked down by Winnie the Pooh  and Piglet because they thought his house was just a plain old pile of sticks (Metaphor: His belongings are not deemed important). Of course Pooh and Piglet re-built Eeyore’s Stick house. How nice of them.

I’ve connected with this character for as long as I can remember. My pin trading obsession started with a little Eeyore glittery pin. Then I decided I wanted every single Eeyore plushie on the planet and tried to achieve that:

Eeyores

Above is a photo of all my Eeyores and that photo is many years old. Granted, the obsession got expensive and I had to put my collection to a halt but it did grow after this photo. Those Eeyores are now in a plastic bag in my closet. I will take them out again some day. I do have my favorites still near me though.

I have been made fun of, per say, because of my “gloom” and “why does it always have to happen to me” attitude. I will admit, I have not taken on this attitude in a while as I try very hard, as of late, to remain positive and focused. But each bout of depression gets harder and harder to climb out of. The hole it resides in gets deeper and deeper and I find I’m clawing my way just to reach the light at the surface, only to be punched down again by some unseen circumstance or the utter feeling of loneliness.

I’m exhausted and tired. I’ve read of people being hospitalized because of actual physical exhaustion, but it is my heart that might get me hospitalized because my heart, is so tired. I don’t mean heart attack type tired. I just feel like its dormant, stagnant. Just there to keep me alive.

However, I definantly can’t be lying in a hospital. I have a kid to take care of.  I have to go to work or The Boy starves because I am the only bread-winner in our little family. I have to get up and keep the house or The Boy lives in squalor because there is no one else around to clean up for him. That kind of pressure is enough to make one collapse with guilt.

So just like Eeyore, I am still here. However, above me is the dark, gloomy and rainy cloud which constantly rains down its sorrows. I never see the sunshine. I don’t know the love of anyone special. I am alone and can only show The Boy how to NOT end up, as an Eeyore.

Jesus has risen and blesses us with Cadbury Eggs

Jesus has risen! Praise God!

I do not say the above in mockery. I am a Christian and will remain such because I do believe in God’s Word, the Bible and that Jesus died for our sins (and whew are there alot….darn me being human).

I will teach my son this and when the time comes for him to choose…he will choose the life he wishes. I can only teach him right from wrong.

This thinking stems from a conversation I had with my aunt, whose son, is now her daughter. While she does not agree with pretty much anything he chose and making his life so much more harder AND shaking his fists at God, it is not her place, nor mine, nor anyone elses to judge my cousin. He is still her child, he is still my cousin, whether he’s male or female. However, when he is presented to the Lord, only He will have the true power to judge.

However, on the flip side, as much as Jesus and God forgives us for our sins, being that Jesus died, most painfully, on the Cross for our sins, John 8:11 says Jesus asked the prostitute

Who is around to condemn you?”

“No one, sir,” she said.

Then neither do I condemn you,” Jesus declared. “Go and sin no more.”

He did not say “I do not condemn you. Now go and when you sin again return and we will repeat this scenario.”

Uh, no, not how it works. So when one repents of sin, they must not keep committing it. Now, we are human and it is VERY hard to be human and temptations are EVERYWHERE. Lord knows I have my temptations and yes, I do give in to them and I feel dirty afterwards but I try. So I know that I do falter to them but I try hard to get back up and not to “repeat the scenario”. The difference is, if one chooses to sin and blatantly just wave their hands “meh” to it…whoa be unto them. So says God, not me. I say sin as much as you like, I ain’t your mama!

I do notice a pattern when I falter to sin. Almost instantly, something goes wrong after I have fallen to temptation. Either something financially, or physically, but something suddenly go awry.

On the other side of the coin, when I stay on the path that is true, yet hard because of temptations, things seem to fall into place like a puzzle. No joke. Money suddenly appears and is stretched, little things go right. I’m absolutely not kidding about that. Money will stretch or appear out of no where in the form of, “oh look you get a bonus!” or “oh you paid to much on such and such, here is a refund” or “oh that certain thing that was needed didn’t cost as much as I thought it would”…

I tell the honest truth…

Regardless, God does look at the heart of a man. I try to do the right thing. I give where I can, don’t cheat the system. Yet, I try to be frugal and efficient. I teach my son to be good, kind and always have empathy for his fellow humans. I mostly teach him this because his father, had none of those qualities and I have been fighting the good fight of “Nature vs. Nurture” for 9 years and counting.

And lastly, the good “worldly” thing that comes out of Easter.

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“I want to be the first man to walk on Pluto…”

Bringing you yet another Tarantino entry……..

What made The Boy say:

I want to be the first man to walk on Pluto…”

Let’s go back…Let’s go back….

a-divider

So apparently school has now become fun. They are doing standardized testing now so there will be no spelling homework for the next three weeks. Instead, he is learning about Science and the planets. This makes the boy VERY happy. He loves everything Science and outer space. And when The Boy actually likes what he is learning, homework tends to get done and grades tend to go up. He even said “I like getting A’s” …….”

So he continues on talking about what he likes about the things they are learning in Science and that he will be learning about Pluto….tumblr_lwc4xonjBK1qhzm9zo11_r1_500

No, not that Pluto. The one that was a planet but lost planet status because it was to small. Poor Pluto.

Anyway, he then proclaims to me in a prominent and confident voice:

I want to be the first man to walk on Pluto…”

Well, alrighty then! Let’s not keep our dreams tethered down to the earth!

This made me giggle inside and it made me think are they trying to get people to be able to walk on Pluto, the planet that was a planet but is no longer? I mean, isn’t it like 500 degrees below zero or something? Well maybe close to 300 but wow is that cold! So I’m not sure I want my child romping around on it but…that was the first thoughts that came into my mind after I giggled and realized, he was serious.

My dreams are not that out there. All I would like to be able to do is oh…..I don’t know, maybe find a husband? But I kind of see The Boy walking on Pluto first (the dog or the Planet) before I ever find a husband).  HA!

“Today, I got a Citation…”

We are going to Tarantino this….

What made The Boy say:

“Today, I got a Citation…..”

Let’s go back…Let’s go back….

So around 4pm. I started to develop a headache. Along with nausea, and just being all around tired. It has been a busy weekend and I still have alot of moving ahead of me, just laying heavy on my shoulders.

I pick up The Boy at after school care and, as is the norm, I go to sign him out. He is sitting in the “time out” chair and I think “fantastic….”. He gets out of the chair and walks up to me with a sad, but kinda wierd smiley face and says this:

The Boy: “Today, I got a Citation and pulled three cards.”

I’m flabergasted because I’m wondering, a) why I wasn’t called about the citation and b) just what the HELL is wrong with him!

Then the laughs came and he says “April Fool’s”

Ha…ha…my kid the prankster. You know, I’ve hated April 1st since the day I realized what shenanagins and goings on happen that day and now, my kid is now jumping on the band wagon.

I had to laugh and I let him play Club Penguin after his homework because he did get it all done in a record time.

But I couldn’t help but laugh…

April Fools! This isn’t your life!

This Easter was slightly blanketed with sorrow because of the tragic death of my aunt. The funeral was as any other. Loved ones spoke, wonderful photos were displayed on a PowerPoint screen. I saw many people from my past.

But it just leaves a numbness inside, I’m actually stuck. Yesterday, we had family all over at my sister’s condo. There we sat down with food and shared in the grief we felt at the recent loss we had. I listened, and did not participate.

I listened to my mother speak with her sisters on how we have to let my cousin grieve how she feels at losing her mother. My mother said we just have to comfort her. I listened and inside, I laughed.

Why the heck would I laugh as we were all trying to figure out how to comfort my cousin as she was falling into a hard depression since this happened? I laughed inside because, my mother was lying. She would not comfort her and tell her its ok to cry or that its ok to cry in front of your daughters and its ok for them to see that you are human and need to grieve.

Neither she nor my sister would say that. They would say NEVER show your children any emotion because you are supposed to be a rock hold especially as a mother and never feel any sadness or show emotion at all. They would say, get up and do what you need to do, don’t lay in bed covered in sheets of your own sorrow. They would say there is never time for depression and pills are a cop out.

Lies….just for show. Hence, I did not participate. I left with the excuses that the next day the boy started school after two weeks off for Spring Break and I had to get up for work. (I reality, the season finale of The Walking Dead and Season 3 premiere of Game of Thrones was about to start….needed to get home).

But don’t get me wrong. In essence, I’m so sorry that this tragic thing happened and now my aunt is gone, my cousins lost their mother and my mother and other aunts loss their sister. Her husband, who she had just re-married a few months ago, lost a wife. Just loss all around, which is never happy times. I was never really to close to her or my cousins but regardless; it is still a great loss.

On the way home, the boy demanded ice cream from Coldstone’s. Of course, he threw in my face that I HAD promised to get him this ice cream. Even though the premise of that promise was to get him to settle down and behave. Possibly bad parenting, I know, but there are some points when I throw “good” parenting aside and toss the kid the candy! Sue me!

Now I stare at my half frozen meal replacement shake. It is frozen because my mother suggested if I freeze it, it will be defrosted by lunch time…nope. When will I learn? So my meal replacement will be replaced by an actual meal, due to the bad timing of its frozen state.

I go back again to my neck and head which both feel like they are made of iron. The reason for this could be because I woke up extremely tired, even though I went to sleep at the normal time I always do. It could be because the alarm woke me up from a dream of someone actually loving me and wanting to be with me…but then I get jerked into the reality that it was only a dream and there is no love of my life, ever.

I wished I could say this whole entry was a April Fool’s but it isn’t. I wished I did wake up and it was “HAHA! Just joking! you do have a fantastic husband and a 3 bedroom house with a yard, instead of a 2 bedroom hole that you pay close $1250 a month for! And because of that fantastic husband, you get to stay home with your children and miss nothing of their growing process….”

This…is my life. Possibly a year round, lifelong April Fool’s Joke.

I thought he broke something…

So I’m at my mother’s house to pick up the boy. He wants to do his last rounds on his bike around the small street and up the driveway. I turn away to start to gather his things and on his last round, he falls right on the concrete, with the bike landing on him.

He begins to cry and I run down the driveway and realize the bike has his leg twisted at the knee and he’s scraped up. I get the bike off him and straighten him up. The whole time my mother is screaming at me from a few feet behind me. I got to him quicker because she twisted her own knee last week and uses a cane and moves slower.

At this point, she is screaming “what happened!”. And I mean SCREAMING it.

These are the thoughts that ran through my head during those moments.

1) “Why the HELL his my mother screaming?” 

In a situation like this I prefer to not panic. I prefer to assess the situation then more forward with whatever panic might be necessary. However, I still refrain from panicking because it will frighten the child. Especially if  it was something serious, like a broken leg.

2) “Wow, his leg is twisted in a very awkward way.” I did think, for a split second, that it was broken. And skating/hockey lessons would be put to an incredible halt.

And lastly, 3) “Seriously, for the love of all that is good and holy why is my mother SCREAMING!?” Nothing annoyed me more about this situation than that. *sigh*  I now have my mother on my list of people I do not want on my survival team when the Zombie Apocalypse hits. Panic is not a good characteristic to have in a crisis.

The boy is fine. Oh he milked his “injury” (which turned out to be nothing but a scraped up knee) and he even donned a pair of crutches to hobble on.  But I told him to suck it up. Well I didn’t say it that way but in all honesty, if he wants to play a sport like Hockey, he’s gonna have to just plain and simple, suck it up. Especially, for scraps and bruises. Now if something had broken…that would be a whole different ball of wax. But that is not the case.

Signed, The mother who says “get up, you’re fine”

“What is that?”

We are going to Tarantino it again.

What is THAT?!”

What made the boy say the above….

Let’s go back…..Let’s go back….

I went to a wedding tonight. Just your typical “I do” and “I do” wedding. So we get to the part where we all get up and head over to the reception. Its in a nice banquet room at a hotel. Tables are wonderfully displayed with beautiful center pieces.

Then we see them all around the table. These strange rectangular shaped boxes with little windows and buttons….

The Boy: “What is THAT?!?!

What was it you ask…well it was this:

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Disposable cameras were strategically placed all over the tables. Nothing unusual as this is a normal wedding reception custom.

However, my 9 year old son has NEVER seen nor used a disposable camera. He has only used the cell phone or my Canon DSLR.

I found this statement from him to truly be a generational gap hoot!

The boy will be 9…marking my 9th year as a single mother

In a few days, the boy will be 9 years old. Its hard to believe that I’ve been a mother for 9 years. I remember how hard it was for me the first year of his life. But now, it seems like a whole other lifetime. Now, he’s not a baby and we have conversations and he laugh at my jokes.

I can say this:

1) God KNEW I needed to become a mother. If I hadn’t, I would have sunk into the depths of complete and utter selfishness and who knows where that would have left me. It also helps me to balance out my time properly and prioritize properly. I still play games and watch my shows, but I take care of being a mother first.

2) God KNEW I needed a SON. I cringe at the thought of raising a girl. Now, don’t get me wrong, I would have loved a girl just the same. However, I believe my personality to work better with a male. Then again, I could be eating my words because I have not, actually, been the mother of a girl child, so really, what do I know?

3) God KNEW I needed to be a single mother. And here is where it gets tricky.

Being a single parent is not something I would wish on anyone. To not only have to be the mother AND the father is just about the most daunting task anyone can handle and, in my opinion, more work and heartache than being a parent with the other parent around. However, with that being said, I am glad that I have been given that opportunity. And here is why.

I have found out some things about me I would have NEVER known, especially being a single mother. Yes, we all learn all kinds of things when we become parents and we turn into different people. We don’t have the same fears as we did before because those fears are replaced with “parenting” fears. I know that my fear of spiders was non-existent when, many years ago, I saw a pretty big spider swinging down from its webstring from the top of my baby’s stroller and was about to land on my baby. I quickly swooped in and grabbed that thing with my hand. Then, in that moment realized I had a pretty big and pissed off spider in my hand and threw it out and away. Whew!

I have also learned that I CAN do it. Yes, I CAN make house hold repairs, work, pay bills and keep a home all by myself while taking care of another human and a feline. I can plan mini-vacations and drive or arrange travel and hotels and entertainment, all myself. This is significant for me personally because I have always been told, my whole life, that I can’t do anything. My parents, teachers, especially adults when I was a child, always told me “no you can’t”. Well what do you know…apparently I can do something and I can do it RIGHT!

But the question still remains which is do I LIKE doing it that way. The answer is, No. I would prefer to have a husband.  But that is not what the cards had in store for me so I just keep doing what I need to do.  Because in all honesty, it is ALOT to take on sometimes but when a daunting task is done, I look back and go “I did that!”

These past 9 years has taught me more about myself and who I am than any years before that.

Some thoughts on my fur baby….

Close Up

I feel that I really have TWO children, a human one and a fur baby.

On Wednesday night, I had to leave my fur baby at my parents house, in a room. They have a pretty big 5 bedroom house and I had to shut him in one room with some toys, his litter and food, so that he didn’t wander the whole house because my mother really doesn’t like cats, and that is an understatement.

Neither the boy nor I slept well that night knowing that fur baby was not with us.

Thursday night, we went to pick him up and the cuddling and hugs commenced. I love that cat.

Last night, he was back in his place, at the foot of my bed, right on top of my clean laundry *giggles*

Growing up, I’ve never had a cat. We had dogs, many dogs. Hmmm these are the ones I can remember in the order we had them.

  • Duke the Great Dane
  • Pepper the mutt mix
  • Cotton Candy the fluffy terrier
  • A white one, I don’t remember the name or breed but I remember it looking like a Collie
  • Rocky the Boxer
  • Petey the Dachsund/Chihuahua mix (he liked to run away a lot)
  • Then we had Bailey the Dachsund which was around while the boy was a baby
  • And my sister’s fur baby, my fur Nephew, Castle

NEVER did I have one cat. They were not allowed. They, in my mothers eyes, are just as these cats are portrayed in Lady and Tramp.

“We are Siamese…if you Please…”

Oh…the dogs are the victims and the cats are the mean nasty conniving  felines right? Meh..

I had two cats in my marriage. One a female Abyssinian/Siamese mix. The other was a Male Abyssinian. I lost those in the divorce because I moved in with my parents (refer to the hatred of cats above), no cats allowed. I never saw those cats again. Makes me sad to this day. I eventually found out that my ex-husband sold them for $50 to some vet chick he knew. We bought those cats for about $700 combined.

But I thought about this and realized, as much as those cats were wonderful, I should not have bought from a breeder.

I was stuck in a cat hating house for 7 years until Spring of 2011 when God threw me into a situation that FORCED me to have to find my own apartment to get into a better school district for the boy. A month after I moved into my apartment, I was in the local Pet Smart and we were looking at the cats in their cages. I turn around and the boy is gingerly petting the soft  and furry underbelly of our current fur baby. I adopted him that day and we’ve loved him ever since. Oh he gets me mad (drinking from toilet and scratching my couch) but for the most part, the cuddling and meows I love.

Hence, I realized I do not ever want to be in my home without ALL my children with me, fur or human.

Nope.

OH and P.S. I love me some dogs to! Don’t get me wrong. I like all animals really. I mean I just got back from SeaWorld and can’t wait to go back!

Sad news today…

I wake up this morning to about 5 missed calls and 2 text messages from my sister. I panic. Of course my cell phone was on silent so that is why it didn’t ring.

I call her back and she tells me that my mother’s half sister, who lives up in Washington, was in a car accident yesterday and didn’t survive.

So this was my Aunt. She got really sick a few years ago and her heart stopped twice then but she survived. She JUST got re-married to her ex husband and they were both really happy.

My mother wasn’t doing to good yesterday as her other sister, also in Washington, was the one to call her and tell her.  The thing is, this happened in the morning yesterday, yet her husband wasn’t told until 8pm that night and her children were calling everyone trying to find out what was going on after she didn’t come home from work around 6pm.

Its unbelievable how life is. The cliche happened. This made me step back and think.

How can we step back and smell the roses and slow down when this world forces us to move so fast. We are late for work or something and we are rushing, not just in cars but always on our phones or some electronic. Now i have nothing against electronics, just sometimes they can hinder what they are supposed to help. But I do love my camera. So its a love hate thing.

But I know one thing I will always regret. Not choosing my mate wisely so that I was forced to be a single mother and HAVE, not want, HAVE to work, therefore missing pretty much 80% of the boy’s life.

I hate it.

Each moment brings me closer out of this nightmare…

The stress level went from about a 6 to a 10 somewhere between 7am and 10am.

I’m already unnerved about the boy being on a Whale Watching field trip with his school. I’m sorry, but thinking of my crazy “bounce off the walls, LITERALLY” son on a boat in the middle of the ocean…does not sit well with me.

But no phones calls of disaster and it’s 2:30 in the afternoon so I think I can relax a bit.

The other stress maker was this move from one unit in my apartment complex to another. The hoops I’m having to jump through! *sigh* But its necessary I guess. Anyway, it just means I’m this much closer to getting settled into the new unit and this 2 month nightmare will be over! I still have to cancel all my utilities and set up the new ones. And by the Grace of God I was allowed to have the first month’s rent waived for the new unit since I’m a transfer and not coming in off the street. So the money stress part of it should be okay.

But ugh…. the fact that my life is all in boxes all around my house. And the cleaning!  I’m going to try and get that done within the next week or so to. I mean, I don’t keep a messy house at all but I will be cleaning top to bottom to get as much of my original deposit as I can. However, I doubt it since the carpet is a lost cause.  The boy spilled one to many glasses of orange juice.

But in all reality, I do love the apartment community I’m living in.  I think that is why I decided to stay and transfer to another fresh clean unit than just move out of the community entirely. The leasing office is super nice in answering all my questions and its rare you get customer service worth a till in anything lately. Kudos for them 🙂

I think my main stress is the moving part. Granted, I’m only moving literally feet from one unit to the other but its getting it all in boxes, getting beds disasembled and getting it settled into the new place. Oh and the cleaning. All of this, being done all by myself.

No I take that back. I can’t move my china hutch and dining room table by myself (I sold the sofa and will be getting a new one once I move in) so I got my cousins to help me with that in a few weeks. But everything else, I do myself.

But…this to shall pass…and I am glad to be moving into a fresh new unit.

Loneliness

I would like to take a step back and discuss loneliness.

I’m 36, as I think I’ve said before and 20 years ago I never would have imagined I would be as lonely in my current life as I am now. I mean, I know I have the boy and he’s great. But I have no friends.

And by NO friends I mean NOT ONE SINGLE friend. I mean, I have people online I talk to but they aren’t friends you call up and say “hey come over for dinner and lets play cards” or something like that.

I have ZERO friends.

It is sad really. And I’m kinda embarrassed to admit this. I don’t know of a single person who has not one friend. Now I did have friends in my past. One in particular, my best friend, the one who would have come over to play cards with me, died in 06 when we were 29 after her 10 year battle with cancer. (Screw that disease).

So the only friend that would have been that one true friend, which is what I was meant to have, died. Next in line was a husband who hated me, hence, was an a-hole to me, hence, the divorce was not far after the wedding. So I wasn’t going to have a husband/best friend there.

Then I became a mother and I just threw myself into being a mother kinda the way one can throw themselves into a bottle of bourbon. To forget.

I was trying to forget the fact that I had not one single friend.

9 years into motherhood and I still am stuck in the reality that I have not one single friend.

This makes me a sad panda and some days increases the depression.

However, on another note, I have noticed that because I’m a “plain jane” (I have trouble with makeup as it burns my eyes, same as contacts) I don’t attract anyone, but more specifically males as they are pretty much all about looks and rarely look past the cover.

*sigh* oh well

And Baby Shamu Says…….

Mini Vaca…

Now the truth of it all…oh no toes to step on here.

In all honesty, I had a good time. The Sea World team members were all fantastic and super nice and friendly. In reality a lot more so than what I have seen in the Disney Parks lately.

The boy got to ride his first rollercoaster, Manta. And he official does not like rollercoasters.! SERIOUSLY! I do not BELIEVE this child came out of me, I am such a rollercoast junkie! Blegh….

But that is neither here nor there.

Here is my favorite photo of day:

Baby Shamu

Who doesn’t love a new 500 pound baby killer whale that can eat you in one swallow….awww…..

LMAO!

But it was all great. I got to dine with Shamu, sitting just feet from these huge beauties.  It really does leave one in awe. I encountered very few rude humans throughout the day which was a nice change. The Pets Rule show was my favorite show next to Shamu because who doesn’t love cats tight rope walking and leaping from high places!

Here is the Flickr Set of all the photos

Thanks!

“I kicked the cat in the head…..”

“I kicked the cat in the head…..”

We are going to Tarantino this again….

What made the boy say the above?

Let’s go back…Let’s go back…

The boy normally sleeps pretty hard and well through the night. He can be in bed at 8pm and not wake up until 7am the next day. He’s a good sleeper, like his mama.

But there are some nights when he does wake up from a dream and wanders over to my bed for comforting that I will never deny. He did just this last night.

SO this morning, I get up and go about my normal routine. I come back into my room and the boy is sitting up apologizing profusely to the cat.

The Boy: “I’m so sorry that I kicked you in the head”

Cat: “meow”

The Boy: “Mommy, I kicked the cat in the head alot with my Mickey Mouse Slippers

Me: “I can believe it. I kick him all the time but you know what? He doesn’t move and chooses to sleep where the humans’ feet are so he is fine with it. If he didn’t like it, he would move.”

That seemed to soothe the boy’s over whelming guilty conscience. Yet it somehow increased mine, as I know I must kick the cat every night, but that is where he chooses to sleep!

“We have a great little family….”

So…I’m going to Tarantino this post.

What caused my son to say: “We have a great little family”?

Let’s go back….Let’s go back….

So I’ve been super stressed the past few weeks and its been building up. Yesterday, was some of the icing on the cake. I say some because I’m sure more overwhelming events will be in the near future, until I reach the middle of April when all this dust will have settled and I’m preparing or already fully engulfed in, my next raging battle.

Yesterday, I was finding out that this move from one unit in my apartment complex to another is coming out to be pretty darned expensive. But I should be able to squeak by, barely, hopefully.

So last night, looking around my moving box filled house and the mess my kitchen is with all my dishes, tupperware and glasses waiting to be packed, all over the counter, and I realize, I do not want to cook anything tonight.

“Son, wrap up the cat and let’s go to Sonic”

That is what I said and that means we are taking the cat for a joy ride

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Or just going to Sonic and grabbing a bite while he meows in the back because he thinks I’m going to throw him out the sun roof.

I also got some errands done like dropping 2 boxes and two bags off at the Goodwill. The whole time having a meowing cat in the car while the boy tries to pet him calmly.

After errands, we pull up to the Sonic. We place our order, get it and eat…while the cat stares at us from the middle console between me and the boy.

That is when the boy says: “We have a great little family?”

Why yes, yes I guess we do. It was at that moment, for about 2.5 seconds I realized, I had no overwhelming worries, I had no financial problems or loneliness problems….I had a “great little family?”

In that aspect….I win!

BOOM!!! Ok…enough to see here..back to the reality that is work, financial stress, moving which is causing the financial stress as of late, and the frustrations of the California School Systems….

So today…I start the packing and cleaning…

Hopefully….

My plan is to start in my master bathroom, clean it from top to bottom because there is hair on the ceiling of the shower. Now I know my hair is long and to be honest, I am NOT a dirty housekeeper and keep things super neat and clean so how in the WORLD does hair get on my shower ceiling? It’s  my super talent I guess.

Anyway, I will be cleaning my master bathroom and from here until the move I will be functioning in the guest bathroom. Once its clean…it will not be used!

Then if I get that done tonight, I move onto the kitchen. As I was making breakfast this morning, (eggs and bacon if anyone is curious), I noticed that I have two sets of dinner ware. That is way to much for  a family of two, so out one goes!

Moving really does help clean out the cobwebs and I just don’t mean the ones the spiders make.

But I’m glad to have one bathroom to have to clean after 2 years of having to clean two. I can now have my one Mickey Mouse themed bathroom. I’m on Bed  Bath and Beyond to get this

I already have the color coordinated towels and bath rug to match Mickey colors…

Its now 9:30 pm and wow…I totally intended to have had my bathroom packed and cleaned up by this time…and it didn’t happen. Why do I do this to myself!

Look! There are my Marbles!

Friday is here. Just like any other Friday I guess.

I sip my coffee at my desk, then realize…I waited to long, its cold and into the microwave it goes. That happens a lot.

I have been VERY absent minded lately and I don’t like that because it is way out of my character. I am usually on top of everything going on with me, the boy and my schedule, on my 5 different calendars. (no joke…I have 5 active non-electronic calendars, meaning they are actual paper calendars).

I have an apartment move to make, I have a mini road trip next weekend and Seaworld, I have a birthday party to plan…I have lost my marbles!

Oh wait..there they are….

Moving on…I will be seeing Oz the Great and Powerful this evening.

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The boy really wants to see this and that is not like him. Last movie we saw in the theatres was Avengers and he barely made it through that one. He can’t really sit still for that long in a theatre. Although, we did watch Wreck it Ralph at the drive-in. That was a bit better for him. If he wasn’t traumatized by my car battery dying and him thinking that we were stuck at the drive-in for all of the rest of our living days.

Yeah, the boy is a Drama King

…..you can blame my genes for that.

So our servers are all down at my office today and I’m stuck…well doing nothing. Literally, I can do nothing but my box of shredding which is done. All my work is done on the computer and if the servers are down, all files and drives are inaccessible. Hence, I do nothing.

So I’m on my phone looking at my FB when I see a link to this: Best Marriage Proposal ever!

Seriously, how does someone love someone SO much to do something like THIS! I’m definitely not knocking it. I just find it hard to believe that this kind of gallantry exists. I know the one man I did get to marry me never loved me. And I never ventured out after that because that whole disaster just tore my heart and the hopes of ever finding any male to love me flew right out the window.  I gave up on that a long time ago.  Hence, I’ve lived a lonely non-relationship life for the past 10 years and counting.

But one thing I CAN do is teach the boy that, if you love someone THAT much and it feels right in your gut…you will want to do the video above. I know that I did not have any good gut feelings when I got married, and they were correct because my gut knew that man didn’t love me. All I had was hope that my gut was wrong..but really when are the gut feelings EVER wrong.

So learn that my boy! Trust the gut! Oh and keep the gut small because apparently humans are VERY visual and can see nothing past the cover of the book. Another reason why, I have been non-relationship for the past 10 years and probably will for the next…oh rest of my life.

Plain Jane’s get left in the dust….

Come….follow me down the rabbit hole…

So I am gathering a following….tell me my friends…do you pick blue or red?

Blue or Red?

Red? Ok…here we go…

I’m a single mother, 36, so everything you see posted here, the hockey games, skating, Universal Studios visits, Disneyland visits, I do all by myself with the boy.

The boy is my son, he is 9.

I work Monday – Friday 8-5 at an office.

I do not have a husband as the last one I had and divorced 9 years ago not only confessed he never loved me (why did he marry me then?) but has never wanted to see his son. He hasn’t seen him since he was 1 year old….no Christmas cards, no birthday cards…do not pass go….do not collect $200. The father of my child can rot in hell for all I care.

BUT I love my child and that is the only thing that I thank his father for…nothing else.

Sometime, I just want to sit in front of my computer playing World of Warcraft and eating pizza….I do the former…the latter…I must stop because I’m trying to lose weight.

Any other questions just ask!

Ontario Reign…GOAL!!!!

So I have yet to mention that the boy and I have been frequenting Ontario Reign Hockey games since last October.

Now, first of all, my family was not a sports kinda family. My father didn’t watch Monday night football everyweek nor did he play golf. We barely got to a few baseball games maybe once a year. So therefore, I was never really a sports kinda person. I mean I played Varsity volleyball in high school but sports, in and of itself, was never encouraged. Not much was encouraged actually, neither sports nor schooling but…that is something for another post.

So, to actually have a son (in a family full of women….yes…the drama ran amok!)….it has been a whole new experience for me. Its been a road of Monster Trucks (yup…I’ve been to one of those events) and WWE (Yup..I’ve been to one of those events to).

So introducing Hockey into the picture wasn’t surprising to me. What WAS surprising was how much I ended up LOVING the sport!

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So glass seats were our place last night for a rather dull game up until the last 3 minutes when Reign scored 4 goals in a row! Fun times for the crowd! And made up for the 3 perios of blegh playing.  And the boy got two shirts thrown at him for the shirt toss.

But what is even better about the introduction to hockey to the boy is that he is really going to play it. He started skating lesson in December and just got his first pair of custom made hockey skates this week. I was a bit worried about getting him into an activity that he would enjoy doing. He was in soccor for a while but really didn’t like it.  I was about to try baseball with him but then hockey stepped into the picture and that was it.

I hope next season to get some tickets to the Kings. It was hard for me once their season finally started. Those poor fans were robbed 😦

Now, the part I play, is in about 10 or 15 years when I see my baby boy pummeled up against the wall like these guys get pummelled and resisting the urge to not run onto that ice and start fighting myself!

My kid cracks me up…

Since we are going to Seaworld….my kid thinks we can just hop on a plane and head anywhere.

He saw a commercial for Atlantis and tells me we should go there next. I explained to him that a trip there would cost in the thousands of dollars. A trip to Seaworld…not so much money (well in comparision to an Atlantis trip).

I wished I had the innocent mind of a child sometimes.

Oh my little darling….

So, my kid walks up to me this morning just as we were leaving, kinda teary eyed. The conversation went like this:

Me: what is wrong?

Him: The glue smudged on your valentine card….*sniff*

Me: aww..let me see it…

He then hands it to me and to my eyes….All I see is perfection….

It now sits on my corkboard at work.

I’m so glad I made a good looking human…

I’m so happy that my boy will not have to know the woes of being an ugly and fat person. Don’t get me wrong. I would love him no matter what but for me, being a person who is nothing to look at and constantly over looked and who has been fat since the age of 10, its not a fun life.

Yes yes, I could get the “well get on a diet to lose weight” spiel but I have the slowest metabolism humanly possible so to lose weight I have to eat under 1000 calories a day and exercise, aeorobically for at least 2 hours every day. That is exhausting and my schedule does not account for that.

But the main thing is my son will never know what its like to be fat and ugly. But give and take is the way of the world, I wonder if he will face OTHER types of challenges….that I never faced.

Interesting to think about….

I knew I was having a boy 3 days after I found out I was pregnant..

In my family, among cousins and such, females out rank the males. It is rare for anyone to have a male in my family. Weird phenomon I know.

But the Good Lord saw it fit to give me a male to raise and rightly so. Raising a boy has allowed me to explore parts of my personality I never knew I had. Like my intense love for sports and being rowdy, like doing “boy things”.

Since going to Hockey games on a regular basis, I’ve learned that I LOVE sports and going to live sports events. My kid loves hockey and is learning how to play. It pushes the envelope with me to explore what I never would have known raising a female. I enjoy it immensely. I LOVE going to hockey games with my kid. It’s our time. My time with my offspring. I love it.

Now, another reason, the main reason why I think that God gave me a boy, not a girl, is that I would have had a rough and rockey relationship with her, I believe. I had a rough and rocky relationship with my own mother and still do to this day. Her and I clash, like two magnetic opposites. The way I think and the way she thinks are no where the same and yet, we share direct blood. It will always blow my mind.

I LOVE my boy! :)