Life is unpredictable and predictable

I remember back in the day (tag weight lost link)…I started at 245 lbs. Over the course of almost 2 years, I lost 70 of it.  That 70 has slowly and steadily been creeping back on.  It’s all about monitoring what goes in my mouth and SERIOUSLY not giving in to the shit that is out there.  And walking…walking walking…walking works for me.  Because of my back injury which I believe was due to 30 minutes on the Elliptical every day, I can not longer work out with weights nor on the Elliptical. So I walk.  That is all I can do.

But then that means I pretty much eat…well nothing.  I just can’t. As I get older my body is begging to process it’s shut down.  A cheeseburger from Jack in the Crack weighs me down for days and I mean days.  I’m doing more smoothies and a detox.  But other than that, there is really nothing more I can do.  My body is just….getting old. And it’s showing signs of wear and tear.  That can’t be helped.

But as of this morning, after years of up and down…I’m back up to 210lbs. I’m so tired of fighting genetics…so tired.


Dentist….that is all this title needs to say

In about an hour, I will be sitting in a dentist chair.  I am utterly petrified.

thI haven’t been to the dentist in 3 ½ years. I am ashamed to admit that but the last time was a horrible experience from a dentist in S. California that might as well have been in a back alley of a Mexico back street. They mutilated my mouth and did a horrible job.

I haven’t been since.

So, I finally got good dental insurance and 3 years is a long time to not have gone to the dentist although I do take care of my mouth. I was referred to a dentist and told they are super nice and caring but honestly, it’s not the dentist nor the assistant I’m afraid of. It’s those horrible tools. ALL metal they are….all metal…and all metal in my mouth, turns into a bedrock of pain and shocking agony.

I’m just getting a cleaning but I’ll be shaking the whole time.

License Plates…check


No…no….I’m a nice California driver…really!!!

I actually got my Idaho plates on my car a few weeks ago. But the mentality of not feeling like a target didn’t go away. I still feel like everyone is looking at me, the Californian invading their lovely Idaho lands.

But I’m sure I’ll get over it. I just need to stop cutting off people on the freeways…. I’m just kidding! I don’t do that! But I will offer a gift of the finger if I get cut off and I will neither confirm nor deny…. that I already have!

Next and final stop in solidifying my Idahoan citizenship….my driver’s license. This entails re-taking a written driving test…monkey balls….*sigh*

I am now an Idaho-ian


I am now in Idaho, have been here for 3 months now.  Found a job 3 weeks after being here.  I found an apartment 2 months after being here. I found a lover last week!  But that will be kept hush hush for now.

I love it here. So pretty. So green. Oh and the people don’t crowd you, cuss you out if you look at them wrong or try to kill you on the roads. I hate everything about California and I’m glad I took my son from there.

The only down fall is if there is a fire of any kind.  Boise and the surrounding cities are in this bowl of mountains.  The smoke really gets stuck down below.  I leave my windows open at night and the night before last, I woke up to the smell of a bonfire.  Apparently, a wood packing plant or something was on fire.  So it basically WAS a big bonfire.

But nonetheless, this was the best move I could have ever made and my only regret is not doing it soon, for my boy’s sake at the very least.  He likes his new school, making friends and not one complaint about a teach yet!

That is what matters.

Kings Tickets? Yes please!

I hold in my hand these…..


The Boy and I will be seeing the Kings play the Canucks this Saturday evening.  As I look back in my life, I never, ever thought I would EVER get excited over going to a Kings hockey game.  In my youth, I barely knew hockey existed.  That wasn’t the sport I was raised on.  We were baseball (Dodger) fans.  Also, my father was never the sports kinda guy and I only had a younger sister.  No real brothers to speak of and no other men in my life so I never really was around sports much at all except for the occasional Dodger game.

This is a whole new world for me and I really am loving it.

This is the virtual view of our seats in the Premier section.

Kings seats

I wonder if they will allow me to bring in my Canon SLR to take some photos….

It’s been a long time…..

It’s been a long time…with a lot going on.

On the weight front, I have not returned to the clinic nor am I taking the appetite suppressants at the present.  It has been tough to not eat anything and everything all the time.  I haven’t gained anything as I’m still exercising 4-5 times a week including weight lifting (my arms are getting muscles and the bat wings are disappearing) but I can see it creeping back over time if I don’t watch what I’m putting into my mouth.  I’ve consumed more chocolate and Almond Roca than I care to admit.  I will be returning to the clinic this Friday to sign up for another 10 weeks as I still need to get down another 40 pounds.  I need to get started on the medications again and get my vitamin shots.  But I am at a total of 60 pounds lost.  I am really going to have to get in the proper disciplined mind set for the upcoming food frenzied holidays.

Family drama is at its best, as usual.  What I have come to find is that if outside elements such as certain horrible skeletons in the closet and the sister’s of my mother, would not stick their claws into my mother’s, my sister’s and my life, we would actually be fine.  I’m just plain sick of it all.  However, my mother and I still disagree on a lot and we have nasty blow outs (this last Saturday being one which ended in her mocking my lonely depression pain by playing a “violin” and saying “whoa is me” and me tell her “fuck you”….yeah…it was ugly) BUT we always return to each other and unspoken apologies are…well…unspoken and I’ll accept an unspoken apology as opposed to no apology.



My cat is doing MUCH better.  He is my little Fuzzy Face and I love him SOOO much that it weirds me out how much I do!  He’s a brat though.  I got my Xmas tree up this past weekend and he was all over it playing with the ornaments but so far, nothing broken and he has since lost interest.


My Christmas Tree

Speaking of getting my Xmas decorations, they are up.  I mean, sheesh, a local station is already playing Xmas music as I type this so what is wrong with getting my decorations up even before Thanksgiving.  I needed the holiday cheering up anyway and Xmas lights and Xmas songs will cheer me up every time.

I am still as lonely as ever.  I have, once again, come to the conclusions that I will never find a man to love me because of the horrific combination that I don’t trust men and that most are liars and cheats.  I know that sounds so cliché but I call it like I see it.  However, I’m taking the steps to get out of the overall lonely mode in general.  I’ve made friends with the parents of The Boy’s best bud in school.  I took both boys to the Ontario Fury Soccer game yesterday and it was fantastic!  The Boy is also going to be spending a day of Thanksgiving break with his friend so I get a night off.  It’s also nice to see a good, hard working family is a part of my kid’s life.

I am no longer going to Montana to visit my sister for Xmas.  The expense was going to be much but most of all, I couldn’t take a 3 days road trip with my mother and sister.  I know I would lose my mind and I know they would to, having to deal with me and my grumpy attitude sometimes.  Also, my car is not up to par.  I just had a quote of almost $1000 of work that needs to be done.  I had planned on going to San Francisco to the Walt Disney Museum over the Thanksgiving weekend but I had to fix my car and I couldn’t afford a rental.  So those repairs need to get done.

So, I’m taking that money I was going to spend and after sending out my niece and nephew their presents and getting all my other Christmas gifts (mostly gift cards), I’m getting a 3 day multi—pass to Disneyland and getting a hotel room nearby and spending the weekend after Xmas there.  I miss my Annual Pass tremendously (although I have a plan in the works on getting those back again) so I want to spend some time at my “Happy Place” and rejuvenate my smile again.

Other than that…I’m still here trekking along.

Go Dodgers!


Congratulations of each other after a good play from last nights Game 1. (Photo from Yahoo News)

That’s right folks. I am a Dodgers fan.  I’m actually third generation of Dodger fans.  My grandfather would have the game on religiously.  Just about every game from what I remember when I was younger.

Last night, The Boy and I got home, dropped all our stuff and turned on the game.  I quickly made dinner (BTW the Orange Chicken from Trader Joe’s is the BEST!) and then I went down to the workout room for a spin on the treadmill while watching the game.  I even as a maintenance guy to please please PLEASE turn the T.V. to the game…PLEASE!

This was my view during my workout last night…best ever!

This was my view during my workout last night…best ever!

It was the fastest workout ever, not because I cut it short but because, it just went by fast because I was concentrating on the game.  I also almost knocked myself off the treadmill after the first home run was hit by Adrian Gonzalez and I cheered.

I watched the rest of the game on my couch after my workout.  I let The Boy stay up until 9 to finish the game out.  There were some *icky* moments like where the pitcher kinda started to lose it but he was just kidding because all the sudden his pitching was spot on.  All in all, Clayton Kershaw pitched a pretty good 7 innings straight.

Dodgers win Game One, 6-1

Tonight is Game Two and I’m leaving The Boy with my parents and taking my sister out to watch it.  Unfortunately, being that the game is in Atlanta, it starts at 3pm my time (Pacific) so I will still be at work and will miss a big chunk of the game but that doesn’t mean I won’t be listening to it on my cell phone at work.  Then when 5:00 rolls around…I’m outta here! Hopefully, we can catch the last few innings with other Dodger fans at a local bar.  I haven’t done the local bar scene for a sports game since the Lakers had their winning streak in 2000.

So, I kinda wondering…how am I still single?  I mean…I love me some sports…I’ll cheer with the rest of them and actually PREFER a good sports bar, a beer and a good ball game over shopping ANY day.  Add that to the smokin’ hot body that I’m getting….and I wonder that there must be something else wrong with me?


You no use my picture!

So I got this email just a few minutes ago:

I have found my [name of photo] image on your blog and taken with out my permission. I charge a licensing fee to use my images on websites and this is lost revenue!! Since you took this with out asking you owe me $140.00 You can pay me via paypal to or remove the image post haste!!

I removed the image…

First of all, if I find a photo through a GOOGLE search, I try to give it credit such as “Photo found on” or “photo taken by Joe Cool and posted on”.

This persons’ image, which was a photograph, not a drawing or painting, was on a website where he was selling the image.  However, anyone could just right click and save the image to their computer.  It was also initially found through a Google search.  So, apparently he scours the interwebz on the lookout for his image being used?  Yeah, good luck with that.

Or, maybe I’m missing some sort of “Emily Post” of rules about images on random blogs as I thought crediting a image where I KNOW where it comes from was enough?  Can someone fill me in so I don’t do this again?  Because $140 is freakin’ insane just for a small 200×200 pixel image on a blog.  I’m not to good of friends with the concept of EXTORTION.

Hey! No Fair!!

The Daily Prompt today hit WAY to close to home.  So much so, that I felt obligated to write about it.


Daily Prompt: No Fair

Tell us about something you think is terribly unfair — and explain how you would rectify it.

I guess I find it hard to actually utter the words “That is NO FAIR!” without sounding like a spoiled little 5 year old.  However, all the time there are situations that are just simply, not fair.

514_230x230_NoPeelI recently gave the proverbial finger to God regarding this unfairness and then became afraid I might be smite down with His vengeance.  I wasn’t.  Instead, I was presented with a possible positive answer from Him regarding my loneliness but upon further inspection, it’s just another dead end and once again, I’ve had the carrot dangled in front of me and I followed like a dumb donkey.

Just last night, after this realization that I’m a fool for trying, I actually spent the evening, during my workout, during my shower, grooming after my shower and while watching T.V., either uttering or thinking the words “It just isn’t fair” while I intermittedly cried.

I work DAMN hard to be able to house and take care of myself and my son, on my own, with little help from family and NO help from his father, my ex-husband, except some money monthly.  As of lately, I’ve been working DAMNED hard to get 50 lbs off my body and still losing!  I look much more appealing to the eyes now.  As superficial as that is, it is the truth.  I think, it’s not fair that I run my ASS off on a daily basis on a stupid treadmill, don’t eat any of the sweets I enjoyed before to be able to lose the most weight I’ve ever lost, only to be over looked, yet again, by ANY man’s eye, just as if I was fat all over again!  I had a prospect (the “carrot” I speak of above) but it doesn’t seem to be going anywhere.  I thought it was, but I was fooling myself.  I was, once again, over looked.

According to all that is fair, I have nothing to offer anyone.  If that is true, then that is beyond sad.

When does it become MY turn to be happy?

When does it become MY turn to have love?

When does it become MY turn to enjoy myself?

The-Nothing-2In the end, it isn’t fair that my ex-husband, who left his only son and never looked back, gets to have multiple relationships while I stay single and probably, eventually, an old maid, while I put all my energy into raising HIS son and continuously put my own needs to the side.  Don’t get me wrong, I love my son more than anything on the earth but the loneliness……there are some moments it gets so bad I feel like walls of blackness are caving in on me, shutting me in and I can’t breathe and I think The Nothing is finally here to take me.


It just isn’t fair.

Fine! Then what would I do to make it fair?

I honestly don’t know.  I know life isn’t fair and that is just how it is.  It just seems that the unjust and wicked are getting the upper hand and maybe they are.  I just have to tell myself that I am the one who is the better person for sticking around, raising and loving my child, even if my ex-husband didn’t want to.  I have to tell myself I am the one who wins a few more moments of life with every pound I lose and not just to get a man to love me.

So, in essence what isn’t fair can also be seen as what I win by working hard and when I feel lonely at the end of the day because my life has lead me down a friendless and loveless road, I just have to remind myself that my goals are being accomplished.

Even if no one else cares.

Endurocross it is!

I swear, I lost my estrogen a LONG time ago!  All I do now are “boy” things!

We are going to another Motocross event and I’m excited, just not excited for the noise as those bikes are super loud but man these are some talented (and HOT) guys.  The last Motocross event we went to, the loud popping sound effects mixed in with the loud motorcycles blew my ear drums out.  But it was a small price to pay to the Motocross gods.  It was fun.  That event was a show though, not a race.  This event tomorrow, is a race.

Photos from an event in Las Vegas May 3, 2013.  Photos from and by Drew Ruiz

It’s just another reason for me to LOVE having a son!  And damn do I spoil him! HA!

I guess I work hard….so you don’t have to!

There is yet another pheonomenon that I find interesting.  It is that of my mother in regards to my weight loss.  Honestly, sometimes, her ways of thinking and her priority system really does amuse me to the extent that I giggle.

At this family lunch that I mentioned in my last “Weigh In” post, I was probably the only one not over eating and obese (aside from my father who is losing weight due to health).  I would say my cousin’s daughter who is 19 was the only one dressed cute in a sun dress and looking like she weighed about 100 (she’s super cute).

However, no one noticed my weight loss enough to mention it and I would think 43 lbs is enough for someone to notice!  Or if they did notice, they didn’t mention it.  I wasn’t about to announce it because I did not want to make my over weight, over eating family feel bad.

I didn’t have to because it was my mother who suddenly felt the urge to mention “oh by the way, she’s lost weight…hey tell them how much.”

*sigh* This was not pride that prompted her to mention it…it was boasting.  Never before had I ever enjoyed the pride of being given a “hey look at MY daughter” announcement by her at a family function ever.  Usually it’s “just stay in the corner and pretend you don’t belong to me” kind of vibe I get from her.  Then again, I could be being dramatic in thinking this but it is what I feel.  I can’t deny that.

Suddenly, I work DAMN hard to lose weight and it’s her win?!  It’s her win because NOW she gets to show me off.  Oh sure, she may claimed that before when she was telling me how fat I was that she was saying it only because she doesn’t want me to have diabetes.  But now that the weight loss is happening, I didn’t hear “hey everyone, my daughter has lost 43 lbs and now she won’t have diabetes!“.  Nope, it was more like “hey everyone look at MY daughter.  Now she looks decent enough for me to announce that she is MY daughter“.

Again, I may be reading into it and being dramatic but I can’t help but come up with this conclusion.  Really…I laugh at this scenario yet, I feel sad for her because I feel like sometimes, she’s living her life through her daughters because she feels her life is over.  Honestly, I just don’t know WHAT to make of her sometimes.  She is so bi-polar I have to prepare myself when I know I MUST see her to be ready for whatever end of the spectrum her mood will be in.  It is truly exhausting.

So, even though she will still always say I’M her “difficult daughter“….no one can tell her I’m the one eating 7+ pieces of pizza in one sitting…that is for dang sure!

Disneyland alone = I’m a Loser

My Disneyland Annual Pass expired this past Sunday.  I have mixed feelings about this.

First, I just didn’t feel the $1200 a year (broken down into $80 monthly payments for a Premium Pass and a Deluxe Pass) was worth it anymore.  There is no longer an “off season” anymore as it’s always crowded.  I feel the customer service and the demeanor of the Cast Members who work there has gone down tremendously.  The worst is not really even Disney’s fault.  The people who go there now are horrible.  I know some people in this world are innately jerks but I can’t believe the number of people who out right break rules and just don’t care about others.  I found myself having to fight for what was right at just about every visit.  That, combined with the fact that CM’s just don’t care to enforce rules anymore, pretty much had me disgusted over the past year.

Also, The Boy just seems desensitized to it all as well and I feel I’m spoiling him.  When we go, he never wants to ride anything except Indiana Jones then just walk around.  Usually, he’ll stay to dance at Mad T Party then want to ride Monster’s Inc. but that is it.  I guess that is the whole point of having an AP but I had to start weighing the financial pros and cons.

On the other side of the coin, I am sad to not have that little pass with my name in my wallet anymore and have the freedom of going whenever I can, something I’ve had for the past 10 years of my life and pretty much The Boy’s whole life (his first visit was at 10 months old).

As I said before, our passes expired this past Sunday so on Friday night, I took The Boy for our last visit together, and then on Saturday, I dropped him off with my sister and went out to the Parks by myself.

That excursion in itself brought mixed emotions.  It started out, well, very lonely.  I didn’t actually get into the park until late afternoon.  I walked around a bit, and then decided I needed to eat.  I went to Flo’s, the diner type place in Carsland, and had an overpriced turkey salad.


Photo from

I sat in the corner of the diner, by myself, with my nose in my phone playing Candy Crush.  I watched families, couples, and friends pass by and that was when I realized, this isn’t fun.  In fact what it was feeling like was, sad.

I needed to walk around some more.  I didn’t feel I got noticed for being alone as much walking around.  And I was listening to some great tunes with my ear buds and new cell phone.

I actually got some great exercise in.  I always walk fast and have noticed with less weight on me, I walk even faster now.  I wanted to time my events right as I wanted to see and do the things that The Boy never lets me do when I have him with me, which is all the time.

For a little while, the walking around helped my mood.  I exited DCA to go into Disneyland because I know I wanted to ride Space Mountain, something The Boy doesn’t want to ride.  However, I started to feel pathetic standing alone in line for Space Mountain.  Most of the rides have a Single Rider line that is only for people who ride alone and that line usually isn’t long.  Space Mountain doesn’t have a Single Rider Line.  So, I had to stand in the whole queue, alone.  Luckily, the line wasn’t more than about 30 minutes but I had my nose in my phone playing Candy Crush the whole time, again.  I felt like all eyes were staring at the loser all by herself.

What is interesting about this is that, in the past 10 years I’ve had an AP, I’ve gone to the Parks alone before.  Although, I’ve noticed that each time it becomes less and less enjoyable and more and more lonely.


White Rabbit DJ (DJ Wendy Walker)

Space Mountain was pretty much the only ride I rode.  I walked back to the DCA to get my free sample of a Ghiradelli Caramel Square  (I deserved it with the amount of walking I did and they are only 100 calories) then headed towards Mad T Party to watch the band, another thing that The Boy never allows me to do.



DJ Wendy Walker was the White Rabbit DJ this night.  I will certainly miss DJ Jason Jass on my Friday night visits.  I enjoyed some dancing (more exercise) and the Mad T Party band.

These performers are so much fun to watch.  They are so animated and seem to really love what they are doing and are having fun doing it.  These seem like people who didn’t let anyone put them down with something like “You can’t perform at a kiddie park as a cartoon character! Get a real job!” (said in my mother’s voice because that is totally something she would say to me).  They are all also super talented.  My personal favorite is the Cheshire Cat drummer, pictured below.   Not only is Cheshire Cat my favorite Alice in Wonderland character but who doesn’t love a great drummer!


Cheshire Cat Drummer

I ended up timing things rather perfectly  because as the Mad T Party ended and DCA was preparing to close, it was just enough time to make a mad walking dash to get back to Disneyland to catch the 10:30 showing of Fantasmic, yet another show The Boy never allows me to sit and watch.

My favorite part is the wonderful Maleficent Dragon that appears in all it’s glory at the ending of the show. It’s super big.

20130817_224923The park was closed after that.  I waited a while for the crowds to disperse then left.

I will miss taking my Disney photography, some of which you can see here.

I’m sure I will find other means of entertainment.  I still have my Universal Studio AP which is turning out to be fun each time we go.  It’s just a bit farther of a drive and I hate Los Angeles traffic.  I know that preparations are being made for Harry Potter to be built at Universal Hollywood soon so I’m sure they will gain a lot of popularity after that and their AP’s will go up tremendously.

I will probably get Disney passes again sometime in the future.  Right now, it just doesn’t seem worth it.  Also, as The Boy is getting older and he is getting more into Hockey, that is where all my extra money is going.  And food because he won’t stop eating.

Daily Prompt – Never Again

I’ll attempt the Daily Prompt again.  This one stood out for me to.

What will I never do again but have tried?

Marriage….let me explain.  I would LOVE to find someone and get married for the second time.  I used to work with a lady who was just about 15 years older than me and in her 4th marriage.  I can’t even get to my second because apparently, even after having lost 35+ pounds, I’m the worlds ugliest woman who can attract no one.

However, I will admit that some part of me never wants to do marriage again.  My first marriage was horrible and the person who I was married to has not one ounce of a soul or heart.  I can pretty much be assured that it tore me up to bits and I have trouble trusting to this day and possibly forever.

It’s a sad state of affairs, but it is what it is.

Cat Shaming

I would like to introduce a new segment in my blog. This little ditty will be named Cat Shaming.

Cat Shaming is just about the same as Dog Shaming.  However, the difference is, it will be centered around a cat not a dog. Very simple.

I will start with my first shaming featuring Snickers the Cat Not the Candy

But I still love the little Bugger!


I was featured on a Sea World Pod Cast!

A Disney message forum that I frequent featured my review of Sea World San Diego from my March 16, 2013 visit.


The Unofficial SeaWorld Podcast

To go to my review, skip to 23:10

I absolutely hate hearing my own voice. But I was nervous when I called in with my review and when I get nervous I chatter non-stop. That is what happened here. I talk about the Pets Rule show and the One Ocean Shamu show alot.

But yup, that is my voice you hear at 23:10!

Finally made it to Iron Man Exhibit in Innovations….

I finally got to see the Iron Man Exhibit at Innoventions. All the suits were on display. It was really neat. They also had a game where you can suit up, using the Kinect. Very neat.

Anyway, onto photos. Enjoy!




This one is my favorite suit.









We did other things to. For the first time in the 9 years I’ve been going regularly to Disneyland, I finally asked to see the Pet Cemetery behind The Haunted Mansion.


Pet Cemetery behind The Haunted Mansion


My favorite tombstone.


We also got a bit of the fireworks from a different angle.


Mad T Party time!


Down the Rabbit Hole


DJ White Rabbit and Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum



Iron Man Exhibit – Take 2

Photos from Disney Parks Blog

Photo from Disney Parks Blog

I’m going to try again tonight to get into Innovations for the Iron Man Exhibit.

I warned The Boy that the shenanagins that went on last week, should not go on again today. I am crossing my fingers he doesn’t repeat it.

And I have a craving for a Mickey Shaped cookie and some warm Disney coffee.



Yes, Disney has their own coffee blend

Ah…only 8 more hours…..

First of many visits to Universal Studios Hollywood

My last post left a bad taste in my mouth, but it felt good to get it out. Now I can move on past the jerks.

I got the 2013 AP for buying a ticket in December so Satruday is the first visit, of many soon to come, in the year 2013.

I actually really look forward to it! I am going to take some motion sickness meds so I can ride Transformers and Simpsons without wanting to pass out and die. When I rode Transformers in Decmeber, I was close to vomiting but not as bad as when I ride Star Tours. I haven’t ridden Simpsons yet so I don’t want to miss that.

And then there is the Mummy. We shall see how that goes.

But overall, it should be a fun day!