Yes, my friends. You read that title correctly.
Yesterday evening, at around 7 p.m. pacific standard time, you would have found me digging poop out of our toilet and placing said poop into two containers. Those two containers were then dropped off at a medical lab early this morning.
Apparently, it was time to actually go to the doctor to have The Boy’s stomach ache complaints looked at. The doctor felt around and didn’t feel any inflammation or had any deep concerns. The Boy needs to just stop scarfing down his food like a Dinosaur. He needs to learn to slow down and chew and breathe when eating so he doesn’t swallow so much air. It is more than likely gas.
However, the doctor wanted a stool sample done anyway. So, just after leaving the doctor’s office, since I had already taken the afternoon off, I decided to take my chance at being a walk-in at the closest medical lab to get The Boy’s blood taken and urine sample. I also received a “Stool Sample Kit” to take home. The nurse explained to me what will be happening with this kit.
“I’m ready for your specimen…”
I place the tray on the toilet, The Boy just needs to poop in it. Then, I dig into the poop with the spoons that are attached to the lids of the containers and put into the container enough poop to fill to the red line indicator on the container.
The whole time the nurse is explaining this to me I’m trying not to vomit.
She then gives me a urine sample cup. The Boy, pees into the cup to fill it 1/4 and pees the rest on my hand and all over the toilet. That one almost sent me retching.
Then, The Boy gets his blood taken and did very well. He was laughing as the needle was inserted into his arm and in awe at the red blood leaving his arm and filling up the two vials. I’m now wondering if I should be concerned. He was saying it was tickling.
Anyway, that was it and we took our stool sample kit and drove home.
I get home and place the plastic cup on the toilet and tell him if he needs to go, to just sit down as normal and go. I go down to the workout room and walk for 30 minutes hoping he didn’t “go” but kind of hoping he did so I could just get it over with.
I return from my workout to:
“Mommy, I went but MAN it really smells in there because I didn’t flush!”
Fantastic…I’m so excited about this…
I turn the corner, down the hallway and yup, I’m hit with that stench. My GOD what does this kid eat!
I quickly get the containers and just dive in wanting to get this over with! I collect enough to fill the red lines in the first container, the smell and looking at this has my stomach in my throat.
I start to collect for the second container, digging into the brown log with the “spork” that is attached to the container lid. At that moment, it breaks apart and the smell becomes overwhelming.
Lord Jesus give me strength!
I quickly grabbed the broken pieces and fill the second container to the red line.
I quickly screw on the caps to the containers tight, checking 3 times that the caps are securely fastened. I place them in the plastic bag. I am done.
Those two containers were dropped off early this morning and I now have yet another fascinating adventure that I never would have dreamed I would be a part of had I not become a Mother.
Lord Love a DUCK!