Frost…..bring on the Frost

My kid cracks me up sometimes.  As I was pulling out of my carport this morning, we both noticed at precisely the same time that my back window was outlined in pretty sparkling white frost just twinkling in the sunlight.  This was not surprising since it was about 25 degrees last night. (please remember…I’m from Sunny California where at this time of the year, it’s 70 degrees.)

We both announced our observation at the same time.

Sometimes, I adore how that kid and I are so closely connected especially mentally.  Probably more so than either of us realize.  Maybe that is why we frustrate each other a lot and argue a lot with each other but honestly, I don’t mind.  I just want to ensurethereporter-frostoncarwindow that I have a much different relationship with my child than I do with my own mother, no matter which direction of different it goes.

Because if he feels in ANY way the way I do about my mother, I’ve failed.

But regardless, Winter is Coming…..and we both can’t wait!

I tried to explain what my brain can’t process…

I had my sister over this past Saturday evening and the below commercial came on…..watch…

I laughed because the expression the father has as he goes to sit down then bounces right back up when he sees his son just did the stupidest thing ever……that expression can’t be explained in words.

I tried to explain this to my single, non-parent sister of age 35.  It wasn’t going to happen.  I just thank God it didn’t end in an argument which is usually how any conversations in current our relationship always seems to go lately.

I then found a great blog here and read this essay and I realized it would never be understood by those who weren’t playing the part.  I explained to my sister that the fathers’ expression and reaction was spot on by using the analogy of a skin cut.

Say you get a cut or a piece of your flesh ripped off. (Morbid I know but stay with me).  For the milli-second you feel nothing but see that your flesh is torn.  Then, the pain comes and in that milli-second where you felt nothing you do anticipate the pain coming but your brain can’t really process what you are looking at and what your are to expect.  It’s a mixture of brain overload.

That is this commercial.  I put myself in the shoes of these parents.  When the kid initially pulls out the table setting my brain would go…”NO!” then a full meal is on the floor. As he gets up and the mother stands there, staring, the brain is processing what the HELL just happened. Then in the next second you have a choice on how to react.

Now the commercial stops at the problem being solved by just ordering Domino’s. But it wouldn’t stop there for me.

I think I would lose all my shit on that kid.

And then I would feel like a shit afterwards.

But it is moments like this that the entry in the blog I referred to above relates to.  Moments like this actually have pushed my utter sanity to the very edge.  Moments like telling my kid who has a functioning brain for the 100th time to talk to his teacher about missing assignments.  Moments like hearing him argue with me back and forth like he’s about to win the O.J. Simpson case of a lifetime!

Then, I breathe.  Sometimes, I walk into my room, announce to him I’m closing the door to change and then sit on the lovely Paris bench at the foot of my bed and cry.  I cry like I’m about to swim in my own tears.  There is nothing more I can do.  I have gotten to the yelling point but it only makes me look like a woman gone mad.  So I walk away…and cry.  Which is what I’m sure that father who was one moment about to sit down to a nice family turkey meal would have done, had the commercial continue on.

This is something I try to explain to my single, non-parent sister of age 35 but it doesn’t get across.  I just get the look of confusion and judgement that….that one could not explain what they are feeling.  I believe even if she did have kids, those children would have been suppressed in so many ways since she is a type to not conform to life situation.

But then again, these are all assumptions. What do I know?

 

 

I dug poop out of the toilet

Yes, my friends.  You read that title correctly.

Yesterday evening, at around 7 p.m. pacific standard time, you would have found me digging poop out of our toilet and placing said poop into two containers.  Those two containers were then dropped off at a medical lab early this morning.

9a61c1ecd145242d2090e24ea3545002.image.400x302Apparently, it was time to actually go to the doctor to have The Boy’s stomach ache complaints looked at.  The doctor felt around and didn’t feel any inflammation or had any deep concerns.  The Boy needs to just stop scarfing down his food like a Dinosaur.  He needs to learn to slow down and chew and breathe when eating so he doesn’t swallow so much air.  It is more than likely gas.

However, the doctor wanted a stool sample done anyway.  So, just after leaving the doctor’s office, since I had already taken the afternoon off, I decided to take my chance at being a walk-in at the closest medical lab to get The Boy’s blood taken and urine sample.  I also received a “Stool Sample Kit” to take home.  The nurse explained to me what will be happening with this kit.

"I'm ready for your speciman..."

“I’m ready for your specimen…”

I place the tray on the toilet, The Boy just needs to poop in it.  Then, I dig into the poop with the spoons that are attached to the lids of the containers and put into the container enough poop to fill to the red line indicator on the container.

The whole time the nurse is explaining this to me I’m trying not to vomit.

She then gives me a urine sample cup.  The Boy, pees into the cup to fill it 1/4 and pees the rest on my hand and all over the toilet. That one almost sent me retching.

Then, The Boy gets his blood taken and did very well.  He was laughing as the needle was inserted into his arm and in awe at the red blood leaving his arm and filling up the two vials.  I’m now wondering if I should be concerned.  He was saying it was tickling.

Anyway, that was it and we took our stool sample kit and drove home.

I get home and place the plastic cup on the toilet and tell him if he needs to go, to just sit down as normal and go.  I go down to the workout room and walk for 30 minutes hoping he didn’t “go” but kind of  hoping he did so I could just get it over with.

I return from my workout to:

“Mommy, I went but MAN it really smells in there because I didn’t flush!”

Fantastic…I’m so excited about this…Toilet_-_Smelly

I turn the corner, down the hallway and yup, I’m hit with that stench.  My GOD what does this kid eat!

I quickly get the containers and just dive in wanting to get this over with!  I collect enough to fill the red lines in the first container, the smell and looking at this has my stomach in my throat.

I start to collect for the second container, digging into the brown log with the “spork” that is attached to the container lid.  At that moment, it breaks apart and the smell becomes overwhelming.

Lord Jesus give me strength!

I quickly grabbed the broken pieces and fill the second container to the red line.

I quickly screw on the caps to the containers tight, checking 3 times that the caps are securely fastened.  I place them in the plastic bag.  I am done.

Those two containers were dropped off early this morning and I now have yet another fascinating adventure that I never would have dreamed I would be a part of had I not become a Mother.

Lord Love a DUCK!